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Relationships

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Original poster

What’s going on here?! Red flag?? Me being precious?

104 replies

user000006590 · 19/01/2019 10:08

I’ve been dating someone for a few weeks. At first I thought he was very mature, calm, sensible, good at conversation. All was well. However I initially went to see him as logistically it made sense. Recently though he’s come to mine and this is what’s happened...

The times he’s come to mine he’s said the houses opposite look like council houses (they’re Victorian semis?), that the people are rude (he’s not spoken to any of my neighbours) and that he thinks the area is rough and my house is lovely but small. My home is on the outskirts of a city in one of the most affluent areas. I have a small house because it’s expensive. He’s also said he couldn’t bear living round here because the people are too snobby.

What’s weird is he has now asked me to look at a house with him about fifteen mins down the road, in an even more affluent area than the one I am in. The area he mocked only a few weeks ago. This would be a big move for him as he currently lives in the sticks opposite his parents, over an hour away.

He’s already been critical of the estate agent - they apparently should appreciate his business more as he’s looking at extremely pricey homes!!

He has a job that brings in masses of money so he’s no reason to have a chip on his shoulder about stuff. He strikes me as very insecure perhaps? I’ve worked hard to be where I am and I’m happy with my life so haven’t taken kindly to his comments which I believe are offensive.

Red flag or something else? Me being precious?

OP posts:

PerverseConverse · 19/01/2019 10:32

A few weeks and he's wanting you to move?? What the hell are you doing even entertaining him? Get rid.

Yulebealrite · 19/01/2019 10:33

I'd tell him it's too soon to be moving near you as neither of you know if it's a lasting relationship yet!

Then I'd tell him how what he's said has made you feel and then watch and see if he's an arsehole or just unthinking.

I know where my money lies.

Whothere · 19/01/2019 10:34

Why is he looking to move near you?

You’ve known him a few weeks! Tell him where to get off.

Original poster

user000006590 · 19/01/2019 10:38

Apparently he’s been looking to move from near his parents for a while.

I don’t know why but I get the sense he’s very into playing games which I’d never have thought when I first met him. If I’ve been busy at work he will not reply to a text as if he’s been busy too, yet anytime I reply immediately he’s available to respond?! Is that me reading into things?! It just feels odd.

OP posts:

ShizeItsWeegie · 19/01/2019 10:40

A PP said drop him back in the pond. Another said chuck him back in the pond. I say get a catapult so he goes back in the pond on the side furthest from you OP. On paper he might be a catch but he is pondlife. Money doesn't mean class. He doesn't even have good manners enough to keep him (ridiculous) opinions to himself. If you lived under a tarp in a skip fair enough but....

Missingstreetlife · 19/01/2019 10:43

Er, run

JaniceBattersby · 19/01/2019 10:44

He’s not a very nice person, and who wants to be with someone who’s not a very nice person? Ditch.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/01/2019 10:44

He sounds like a dreadful snob himself!
You're right to consider this as a red flag - or at least as a big ol' negative - and I'd really consider whether or not it's worth staying with him when he sounds like a properly judgemental dickhead.

Dollymixture22 · 19/01/2019 10:45

I have a friend like this - she can’t resist making little comments about where I live, mocking people’s accents and asking of her car is safe!!

My house is worth more than hers, but I live is the city so it’s a very urban area. I love it. She isn’t in our home town where house prices are much lower - however she thinks everyone who lives in her area is rich and everyone who lives near me is dirt poor?!

I have learnt to ignore her narrow minded comments. However it’s not a personality quirk I would put up with in a man I was dating.

IconicWaffle · 19/01/2019 10:46

Please please bin him off before the house viewing, with minimal explanation! That would be the classy thing to do.

Yulebealrite · 19/01/2019 10:46

Bugger paying games. Forget him.

Orchiddingme · 19/01/2019 10:47

Why are you even thinking about this? You aren't in love with him (hopefully), you've only known him a few weeks, you've found out he's not that nice a person and puts you and where you live and other people down- now is the time for the 'thanks but no thanks' discussion.

Whothere · 19/01/2019 10:47

Why are you going to each other’s houses so much when you have only just met him? You could have taken it a bit slower and worked out he was a knob before he even knew where you lived.

greenpop21 · 19/01/2019 10:47

Sounds odd, it doesn't sit right with you so listen to your gut.

IconicWaffle · 19/01/2019 10:48

Meant to add.. I think he’s negging you. Trying to make you feel shit about yourself/ your lot in an indirect/ subtle way that makes him look more of a catch. Don’t fall for it. He had no intention of buying that house.

Original poster

user000006590 · 19/01/2019 10:49

dolly that’s exactly the situation. I don’t get how people can be so narrow minded?! I find it embarrassing. For him to live where I do in a similar size house that he’s currently in, hed be paying 4 times as much for it.

It’s quite cringy.

OP posts:

Romualda · 19/01/2019 10:49

Sounds like my ex husband who was controlling from the start but I failed to recognize the signs. Run whilst you can

thenightsky · 19/01/2019 10:50

He sounds like he has the potential to become VERY hard work. Dump and run.

Angelicwings · 19/01/2019 10:51

So he's said the area you live in is rough, people are rude, houses look like council houses, and your house is too small.... but he couldn't bear to live there because the people are too snobby?! How does that work out? Sounds like he's being snobby! ... And now he's looking at houses nearby but he's expecting the red carpet rolled out because he's looking at expensive houses?

I went out with a guy who in the first month or so was marvelling at the fact I had a degree because he didn't (I did not care about who did or didn't have a degree and his over the top admiration for it in the first place made me slightly uncomfortable) and very quickly, once the gloss wore off, he was berating me for having a degree "Oh you think you're so good because you have a degree, don't you". I should have listened to the red flags then because if that's what you get at the start, it's unlikely to get better.

Onemansoapopera · 19/01/2019 10:51

He doesn't want to buy the house Hyde just wants to prove he could afford to have a better one that you if he wanted. To this type of person, everything is a competition. Take heed, you've only yourself to blame if you decide to play along.

Moononthehill28 · 19/01/2019 10:52

He’s a car crash coming at you. Dump him and don’t look back. What a complete arsehole.

SeaEagleFeather · 19/01/2019 10:52

Part of me wondered if he had deep set insecurity.

even if it is, you can't change it - only he can - and he sounds as if his character is unpleasant, even if he can have a fun personality at times.

Find a pleasant one!

Mix56 · 19/01/2019 10:53

Dump immediately

RandomMess · 19/01/2019 10:54

I think he is jealous of your self made success- lovely home that is worth ££££££ and desperate to take you down a peg or 2,000

Run for the hills!

Dollymixture22 · 19/01/2019 10:54

He also sounds a bit thick😊.

That’s how I smile and put up with my friends stupid comments. In my home home town the sign of success is a detached house. I could sell my little house is my crappy area and buy a mansion in my home town.

I walk to work, walk to the shops, walk to the bars and restaurants. The lifestyle suits me. I don’t look down my nose at where and how they live, I wish they could open their minds just a little and do the same!!!

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