He wants another chance...

[rockstarchick]

Everyone we argue which is often my partner leaves. Then it's like he doesn't want to come back...this was Sunday. We don't live together but he stays a lot and his stuff his here. My lo was back from her dads Sunday and she's close to him. I asked him to come back and least make things normal for her - she's asking where he is so have said work. But it's not fair. It's how Thursday and he hasn't made any effort to come back other than the off text and saying how is my lo and can he take her to school one morning? We've been together 4 years and we can't get through a month without an argument
He won't come back until he is ready
It's like he is sulking
He will only come back on his terms
In the past it can be days
Last month it was 9 days!
But by then I get to the point where I don't want to talk so we end it, I end up blocking and he then wants to know
My friends say I have to break the cycle but I'm struggling

You're struggling because it is a cycle. Pull that plaster off and in a few months you'll be happier. You'll be out of the cycle and wondering why you ever put up with it.

I agree with PP get out of the cycle. The relationship isn't making you happy so what's the point? You'll be glad you did in a few months time.

You need to think of your child, it’s damaging to her.

It’s all well and good saying you struggle, but how do you think your child feels when this man she loves keeps walking out? What do you think you are teaching her about relationships?

If you don’t leave him then your child will end up looking back and thinking “my mother put me second her the man in her life”.

To the*^

The longest it's been was 4months and even after him leaving me I still took him back? I try to move on, block and he still finds a way...mainly by email or will even turn up crying, flowers, begging and saying it's all his fault then I cave. He's called this morning and I told him it has to be it as it's not fair on me or lo...he got angry told me to fuck off and was shouting calling me a cunt...then texts saying he's sorry he's just frustrated as he loves and cares for us and I'm saying to leave it?
He's rude and horrible on the phone to me but after some time he calms down and begs me back
I feel drained
I feel sorry for my lo that I've put her through it but I can't find the energy to get through x

Oh man, he knows how to play you like a fiddle. I'd consider some therapy to help you realise when you're being manipulated by him hitting your pressure points.

Anybody calling somebody a cunt in rage doesn't really love them.

Wow...not good. Block and ignore and go see a therapist for help to keep it going

Thanks fissinchips yes you are right.....anyone who knows me knows I love my lo and yes you are spot on
I guess I've taken him back as he promises me the world...and her
When he is here he's amazing and it's good but it's lasts up to a month, we argue and he's off...

He's very pursuasing and coz he's been there since lo was 3 they are used to each other and I feel seagull

Thanks fissinchips yes you are right.....anyone who knows me knows I love my lo and yes you are spot on
I guess I've taken him back as he promises me the world...and her
When he is here he's amazing and it's good but it's lasts up to a month, we argue and he's off...

He's very persuading and coz he's been there since lo was 3 they are used to each other and I feel awful that I'm tearing a family unit apart as I say when it's good it's good

No, he tore it apart... don't transfer that into yourself.

HE is tearing a family unit apart. Again and again and again and again.......

'Cycle of Abuse'....this could go on for YEARS OP. Have you googled this dysfunctional dynamic yet?

Ok but when he begs me, I'm saying no that's me who's doing that...
He's let me down massively and my little one and yes I should be putting her first. I am trying. She is my world. Thing is as I say, he is great when things are good. But even if he came back to sort things out we could sit and talk but he has anger and moods and then sulks.

By moving on from him you will be making space to allow someone nice to enter your life , though I think it would be a good idea for you to remain single, just for a while, so you can get your strength up and enjoy your child stress free.

Neither you nor you daughter deserve to be treated the way he’s treating you.

It's been 4 and a half years already....we've tried and tried
And I even left properly last year.
We were living together and I moved out, got my own place and things did get better. I was so low and he was contacting me and I gave in...now it seems things are worse than ever

I'm saying no that's me who's doing that...
Yes, but he's the one who flounced off until the relationship dissolved. You do realize leaving you to be alone is not normal, right? Doing it once is bad enough, but continuing to do it is basically trying to train you into being passive.

As he's currently flounced off for the n-the time, you're actually free. You're now the master of your own destiny, it's in your power RIGHT NOW to start making a happy future for yourself. Of course, you could choose to get back on your cycle of misery, but you're at the best bit right now, the bit where you're split up and you can start afresh.

He always used to do it and when I left last year I really thought things had changed. He begged me back after saying he would go for counselling and things did change for a while...
But each time we argue which can I add are over very minor things BUT we can't accept any difference of opinion
If I want to do something ie on the computer he sets me a timer say 30 mins and I have to finish in that time
That's just 1 example
And he hates hates he going on my phone
He wants it on silent and I can't text but when we split I said to him that's not right and if I want to text my mum or friend than I can
So he doesn't like I ' talk back '

Can I add I take him back as I truly believe he wouldn't leave me again....he begs and begs and says he loves us and wants us to be a family
So it's not like I'm trying to damage my lo but I know I have to stop this cycle...this is really helping me talking x

Wow. Play a game where this is somebody else telling you this, read that back carefully. Would you even entertain being in a relationship like that? A timer to use a computer in your own home, not allowed to text, what the fresh hell is this?

You need therapy to get some understanding of what is normal in a relationship. I wouldn't even tolerate a single incident like that, not one.

Straight control & abuse.

And after all that controlling behaviour, he controls you yet again by leaving and then forcing his way back into your life. He will grind you down until your friends don't even recognise you anymore.

I think you should speak with women’s aid, he is a abusing you.

Do you have a good support network?

Ok but when he begs me, I'm saying no that's me who's doing that

I know that's how he makes you feel, but logically he is the one damaging your relationship by his actions, not you for refusing to forgive him.

Put it this way : say my house got burgled and I reported it to the police. The burglar goes to jail. Is that jail sentence my fault for reporting it? Or is it the burglar's fault because of his actions?

Yes great support
Mum and my sister and a good handful of friends
None of which any will tolerate him
Because of things he has done in the past.