He wants another chance...

[rockstarchick]

Everyone we argue which is often my partner leaves. Then it's like he doesn't want to come back...this was Sunday. We don't live together but he stays a lot and his stuff his here. My lo was back from her dads Sunday and she's close to him. I asked him to come back and least make things normal for her - she's asking where he is so have said work. But it's not fair. It's how Thursday and he hasn't made any effort to come back other than the off text and saying how is my lo and can he take her to school one morning? We've been together 4 years and we can't get through a month without an argument
He won't come back until he is ready
It's like he is sulking
He will only come back on his terms
In the past it can be days
Last month it was 9 days!
But by then I get to the point where I don't want to talk so we end it, I end up blocking and he then wants to know
My friends say I have to break the cycle but I'm struggling

Loopytiles yes fair enough I see your point
But she is a priority
I'm not taking him back

Anyway I've seen on here often people come here for advice then comments made from people which aren't constructive or helpful, just really insensitive

Glad you've blocked him but you need a new email as you've said that's how he makes contact again.

Yes that's true, I thought about that today along with changing my number because the thing is even though you block someone, all they have to do with withheld their number from settings and it still rings....just comes up private
To be honest I haven't heard from him (call wise) since I said to leave me alone but I will just ignore him if he does try to make contact
He put money through my door yesterday but as I say I won't be speaking to him x

Posters are not being horrible.

But they are thinking of your daughter and her welfare. She is 7 years old and you have let this man treat you and her like this for 4 1/2 years. It’s all she can remember. She needs love and stability, not this constant drama and him being away sulking 9 day out of 30.

It’s good that you have blocked him now. And I hope you can keep up your resolve . But you have to be realistic - if you have taken him back 50 times before , you are most likely to do it again.

You need to put a clear plan in place for when you feel your resolve weakening. Concrete steps that you will take, people to contact . You also need professional help like The Freedom Programme and counselling.

I suspect you are addicted to the cycle of abuse that you are in - the lows of him leaving and the highs of making up when you reconcile. It’s not easy to break out of this.

Please get some help .

Whispers, yes it was worded horrible. I have had some good advice such as your post but I'm still entitled to say what I thinks horrible and the wording was.

But the thing is I HAVE left so as I keep saying I understand the mistakes I've made, I don't need to be constantly reminded of them. when I've posted tonight 9 days into my break up i need support and encouragement not the highlights of where I've gone wrong and saying nasty things like I'm moping around when in fact I am not. I'm doing the opposite but it hurts inside that's all
Yes I think you are right with the cycle of abuse
I've caved because I've truly believed he was sorry and I have always put my daughter first, she's been before him each time
I don't need people telling me I've put him before her
Every decision I've made I've thought is it right for her and I've strongly believed it was

If everyone has read my posts i am fully aware of how now it wasn't but I HAVE seen that and I am and will be moving on x

I think rockstarchick has been doing what she believed was best for her child, even though it wasn’t.

She says she’s now realised that this relationship is no good for her daughter or herself. It’s probably more helpful now to point her in the direction of resources that will help her stay away from such toxic relationships than berate her.

Fission chips hey!

Ah thank you, worded so well!

Im sorry for saying pp have been horrible .....I just think the wording was harsh
I just really really really am done with this guy. And I did believe it would work, I also believed he wasn't as bad as some domestic abuse stories I've heard about and thought it was never bad enough to leave

But honestly I do see it and not to play the victim but I do feel I'm in a horrible cycle

I'm sitting here with my friend texting and working out a plan
I've told her the same
I'm not going back this time
I'm really not x

Please do the Freedom Programme and find some way to build your self esteem. Your daughter deserves so much better and so do you. Put some value on yourself and realise what you are really worth.

This man is a controlling abuser. None of his behaviour is kind or nice. The only acceptable level of abuse is none. Do some reading up on the nice nasty cycle of abuse. Nice enough to lure you back, nasty enough to destroy you and hold you in his thrall.