Why i am such a bitch??

[Stumpy0907]

I'm not really sure what I am wanting to get out of this, advice maybe?

Myself and my DP had our DD 6 months ago, we are both besotted with her.
However, since having her I have turned into a complete bitch towards my DP. He tries to help me out around the house with tidying up, washing etc. and I am just constantly pulling him up. Example: He put a load of washing in the dryer this morning, but didn't separate DD clothes (I dry all her clothes on the clothes rack). Instead of just been grateful that he is helping I completely bit his head off.
I do this most days and then feel awful afterwards! I have always had an extremely short fuse but learned to control it by biting my tongue, counting to ten etc. But since having DD I am 10x worse! DP is amazing, he is a really laid back person and takes everything in his stride so tends to just apologise when I bollock him.
I just feel like one day he is going to get sick of me and leave :(
I know I should be grateful for having a man that wants to help and ease the load, I just don't seem to be able to control my temper and emotions.

Did anyone else go through similar after having a baby or I am just a complete cow bag??

Thank you TheLovelyOtherDinosaur, that is quite refreshing to read! i actually feel a lot better after getting everything out in the open with DP.

@SkinnyPete I wasn't really annoyed or surprised tbh... out of our 3 dc I knew it was him and I simply said 'oh btw... next time you open a new packed of biscuits could you please seal them otherwise they're soggy as shit in the morning and I don't have any for the kids packed lunches' he said 'oh well yes I'll give you 70p if it's annoyed you that much' (he was hangry at the time) I said 'no keep your petty change... lucky for you I have a spare packet kept for such crisis' just next time.. wrap them up' we didn't really argue...

It's a pack of biscuits but if you look beyond that small fact there's a million examples I could give you where he just doesn't give a fuck.. like he'll take the rubbish bag out and leave it poking out the top of the bin undone so all the rubbish flys around the garden... or he'll load the dishwasher with everything upside down so the water gathers in the cups... he'll go out and leave the front door open... it's just easier to do things myself most of the time.

@beansontoastfortea I'm assuming he's good in other areas of house and home though, as you sound like you've both got a good groove, despite a few manfails.

@SkinnyPete haha yes he's a good one but it's been a learning curve! When we met he was a typical lad partying every weekend despite being a single dad having a ds4 living with him... he now puts his dc first, sometimes he's needs pointing in the right direction but we are ok now because he does listen and make changes.

I understand you. I like things done a certain way and lose my shit if anyone interrupts my perfect system. It's fuck all to do with being a bully or a person that needs mental health assessment. It is, instead, everything to do with the fact that I worked fucking hard to have everything perfectly in its place, smelling fresh and 'hotel clean'. Fuck with that and I'll kill you. My DP knows this, and consequently knows what jobs he can cover and what he can't. Sometimes I get mad, thinking I have to do everything... but then I remember it's because of my own self set high standards. He couldn't possibly achieve them, so I have to back off and leave it the fuck alone.
I can't cook anywhere near as good as him though. So swings and roundabouts and all that. But he can't clean the kitchen like I can.

It’s good you have recognised that your behaviour isn’t as you want it to be . You just need to work out why you get snappy , remove the cause , and as much as you snap, remember to say sorry and praise him too . You sound like a nice person

OP this sounds just like me when DA was a baby. I was a nightmare to live with. Interestingly laundry and how to dry clothes was my flashpoint too!

I had postnatal depression and partly this manifested by being irritable and agitated. In retrospect I think that when you have a baby , you feel that you can no longer control things. The house becomes your world ( but like a prison ) and it is hugely frustrating when someone does things in a way that actually I worse than not at all. My DH would never shake things out before pegging so that everything was crumpled . He still does it and it annoys me massively that he can be so rubbish when so good at other things.
I did yoga and CBT and learnt to gain perspective. It also helped to have some time for myself with DS in childcare.

Relationships need nurturing. Kindness breeds kindness. Don’t get upset about things that really don’t matter.

Just stop it. Can you imagine speaking to your child like that in a couple of years? Can you imagine your child growing up and thinking it's normal to speak to somebody like that?

I get snappy. I know that and when I'm stressed, I'm worse - if the milk is out after a few minutes, it isn't going to go off and you won't all die of food poisoning from the fridge being open for a short time. Just put the milk away and shut the door whilst KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT. My OH often leaves food out and, instead of having a go at him, I find it's less effort to put the sodding butter back in the fridge.

It's not good for you to be stressing about minor things - you need to breathe deeply and let things go.

My OH has apparently cleaned the kitchen this morning. This is great - but the odds are that he hasn't done it to the standard I would. I could whinge about it - or I can look on it that he's done the majority and all I need to do is go over it quickly until it gleams/go and deal with one of the bathrooms instead in the knowledge that I don't need to spend a long time in the kitchen. I prefer the latter (as I'm sure he does).

He sounds great - make sure he knows it - not just in talking, but in a hug and a thank you; it's far better for both of you than snapping and making him feel that he can't do anything right.

Sounds like your husband should LTB.

Leave The Bitch.

Seriously, you need to get a grip. You can't abuse somebody on a daily basis and expect them to not react.

As for all the people saying "he should have done things "properly" instead of adding to your work load. Swap "he" for "she" and see how it sounds!

If you don't change he will leave, and he would be right to do so. And if I were him, I would apply for full custody, as you're clearly an abusive personality.

Do people really get upset if somebody leaves the milk outside the fridge after they have been kind enough to make you a cup of tea?

It will take an absolute age for a carton of fridge cold milk to warm up enough for bacteria to grow to then go off. Relax y’all.

Yea if someone kindly made me a cuppa but left the milk out with the lid off I would wonder what the fook was wrong with them.

Unless they were 5, in which case i’d be more concerned about the fact they’d been handling the kettle.

Really? I would be scared to live with some of you, reading what petty household offences make you mad. To go mad to leave a carton of milk out after making you a cup of tea? Just put it back in the fridge if it bothers you that badly! Chill a bit.

Don’t you think there is a lack of perspective happening here? What would you do if there was genuinely something bad that happened? That really mattered? Maybe OP you indeed need to get out of the house a bit and experience real problems. You sound like a lucky lady with a lovely family and a partner who is trying his best to help. Please stop shouting at him. He will leave you.

If he doesn't know how to do things, then he really can't be faulted for doing them wrong. Drying the baby's clothes on the dryer vs electric dryer is just over the top picky. Babies grow so fast they won't even be wearing those clothes in a month.

To solve the problem, take a couple of days and go through the main things that you would like done and do them together and just show him what to do. I know I'm more of a visual and hands on learner than just listening to instructions. Remember, you have been doing the things a lot longer so he isn't going to be an expert after a few tries.

Put on some music and make it fun.

The milk thing was a joke! Jesus people! 😂 I wasn't even angry, he was just being thoughtless and that was how I took it, if you'd have actually read my comment regarding this then you'd have seen that! I think all the women commenting that I need to get a grip blah blah blah should really become more compassionate with regards to other people, I need to get out and see 'real problems' how do you know I haven't dealt with 'real problems'??

If anyone actually cares, after visiting the doctors yesterday (initially something completely unrelated to these issues) I discussed with him how I was feeling and he has recommended a book to me (I read a lot or try to anyway), but since being completely open and talking to my DP last week things are loads better! He spends more time with DD in the mornings and I have some me time for an hour or each day! Doesn't sound like a lot but it is making me feel 100x better!

He is doing the dishwasher now and has learnt that washing/drying clothes really aren't his thing! He has also decided that he enjoys hoovering 🤔😂

This is how you become a single parent.

Stumpy just ignore the idiots! I mean what is that pathetic comment above?!
‘That’s how you become a single parent?!’ Jeez. You just can’t argue with stupid.

I’m pleased that talking things through with your husband has helped. Sometimes they just don’t ‘see things’ as you need them too. I often say to my husband that I care too much about the small stuff and that he doesn’t care enough which makes me feel like he doesn’t care when of course he does! I think having ‘me time’ definitely helps clear your head and you should 100% keep up with that. Onward and upward! All the best.