Why i am such a bitch??

[Stumpy0907]

I'm not really sure what I am wanting to get out of this, advice maybe?

Myself and my DP had our DD 6 months ago, we are both besotted with her.
However, since having her I have turned into a complete bitch towards my DP. He tries to help me out around the house with tidying up, washing etc. and I am just constantly pulling him up. Example: He put a load of washing in the dryer this morning, but didn't separate DD clothes (I dry all her clothes on the clothes rack). Instead of just been grateful that he is helping I completely bit his head off.
I do this most days and then feel awful afterwards! I have always had an extremely short fuse but learned to control it by biting my tongue, counting to ten etc. But since having DD I am 10x worse! DP is amazing, he is a really laid back person and takes everything in his stride so tends to just apologise when I bollock him.
I just feel like one day he is going to get sick of me and leave :(
I know I should be grateful for having a man that wants to help and ease the load, I just don't seem to be able to control my temper and emotions.

Did anyone else go through similar after having a baby or I am just a complete cow bag??

And Fuck me we all make mistakes! It's when we can't learn from them or choose not to do anything about them that it becomes an issue.

It's true kids learn from their parents but it's good that kids see that life isn't all roses and rainbows... I've often apologised to my kids when I've snapped or been out of order... imo that's a bigger lesson than being 'perfect' all the time

You are being very controlling and all round a cow.
If a man was writing this he'll get hell for it.

I'm not sure what makes you so awful but everybody has a limit.
Don't push him. He most feel terrible. Nothing seems good enough not to get reprimanded.

Is it a mirena coil? You said the problems started when your 6mo was born but is it possible they've actually started since the coil fitting?

It's not uncommon for a hormonal coil to trigger hormonal aggression. Or any form of hormonal contraception, as I assume that you were TTC for a significant amount of time before DD came along.

If that's not the case, then I'd probably have a look at what needs of yours aren't being met, and address that. If that means DH has to work from home one day a week so that you can go and enjoy time to yourself, then he should be happy to arrange that. (Or otherwise change his hours - everyone has the right to request flexible working hours, not just parents.)

Toddman7- The first 3 years he was still farming, working 7am-7pm most days (in summer the hours were much longer and sometimes he would stay over at the farm for ease). I just got things done really, you could be right about the built up resentment but at the time i did just get on with it as there wasn't actually a lot to do. We have now spoke about jobs/chores around the house and he has confessed that he doesn't really know how to do certain things etc.

Notthefordtype- It is the Mirena Coil yes! That could be something to look at as i was taken off a certain pill when i was a teenage for hormone reasons, i am going to the docs on Tuesday so will speak to my GP then and see what he says.

Beansontoastfortea- Thank you, i am not replying to the horrible comments, i am fully aware i have a problem but i definitely wouldn't say i am abusing my DP (although i am sure abusers would probably say the same). i have even asked his opinion and he says he doesn't see it as abuse, just pissed off that something isn't done right.
We have decided that the washing will be left to me, as well as cooking and the dishwasher and hoovering are his roles!

He is also going to spend a bit more time with DD in the mornings to give me some time to myself, whether that be having a nice long shower to get myself sorted for the day or going into town etc. Which i think will help. It's all a learning curve!

Does he fight back and not accept the bitchiness (easier said than done)? If not, he's not doing your relationship any favours either. Not that you can tell him to push back, cos that's a bit lame.

Honestly I'd definitely ask for the mirena to be removed, and leave it a month to settle down, before making any decisions.

For me I found my hormonal aggression was WORSE when on hormonal contraception and came back in full fettle when I was TTC. But it's not like that for most people.

(Ultimately I never got pregnant and attempts at fertility eg Clomid made me fucking psychotic. Don't forget to count your blessings.)

SkinnyPete- He doesn't fight back! He tends to just acknowledge what I've said, sometimes apologising, and then changes the subject 'do you want a brew' that sort of thing!

Good for you op... best to ignore!

That sounds good, you need your own space and time and things will get better over time... it is a learning curve for both of you.

When my ds was newborn I used to have to ask my DP if I was allowed to go and have a nap or if I could have a bath and my resentment built up so high... We sorted it out and now he will huff and puff but actually get out of bed with the dc and I'll lay in and there's a definite equality there now that there wasn't before.

NotThefordtype- There is another coil, non hormonal, i might ask for some information on that! Before getting pregnant i obviously wasn't on any contraception and i really don't remember being so short tempered. I count my blessings every day, i myself was an IVF baby (my parents struggled for 8 years :( ) so was most surprised when the pee stick came back positive :)

Beansontoastfortea- As much as i love DD, i think some 'me time' will definitely help! I go back to work in April and DD will be going to a child minder, who has suggested she starts going a few months beforehand to settle in before i go back and so i have at least 1 day to myself. Which will be nice.

Wow! This sounds a bit like me. I was speaking to my husband and my mum about my anger/temper just the other day!
I was trying to explain to my mum that since having my son almost a year ago, my temper and anger at my husband for making silly mistakes with housework etc just flairs up. I end up ranting and raving and generally being nasty to him and then 10mins later I’ve calmed down and feel very mean and apologetic.
I can just feel the anger bubbling up.

I never used to be anywhere nearly as bad. I would have described myself as pretty laid back but a bit bossy at times previously.

I was upset as I said I didn’t feel like myself but we all put it down to hormones and being generally tired from looking after a baby all day.
My husband is very hands on with our baby but is out of the house 7-7pm most weekdays.
My husband says he knows I don’t mean it and he just tends to let it go over his head but it’s still uncalled for. I just try & walk away and calm down. It doesn’t feel as bad lately. Maybe things are starting to settle.

I think I'm doing something similar OP. I think I'm projecting my frustrations at him 😂

TheLovelyOtherDinosaur- This is exactly how i feel :O I haven't spoken to my DM about it though! I love her very much but she's very much the 'buck up and deal with it' type, she was brought up that emotions and such things were personal so she tends to get quite uncomfortable.

I had a moan at my DP for putting the biscuits back without sealing them first.. fucked up a whole pack of nice biscuits! ... he said he will give me 70p If it's upset me that much... it's just frustrating when they clearly don't give a shit ;)

Didn't mean to use that emoji!

@beansontoastfortea

I reckon you loved his answer really

So after having a lovely chat, everything out in the open; he made a brew, Lovely. i go into the kitchen and he's left the milk out and the fridge open... Deep breath, put the milk away and close the fridge door (rolls eyes).

Yea that’s just twatish behaviour that would piss anyone off.
I was like this after DC, it was a mixture of PNA and DP being a twat

@SkinnyPete no not really, we share money so I wouldn’t have been any better off unfortunately;)

Smellbellina- i can't decide if he did it on purpose to be a twat or if he was genuinely being completely thoughtless . I just said (half joking) 'like sour milk do you' and he looked confused and then smiled...
I think he is trying to make light of everything we've talked about, well that's how i'm going to take it anyway!

@beansontoastfortea so let me get this right, you would have preferred him to profusely apologise over a 70p pack of biccies compared to IDGAF?

Surely you're not attracted to insipid men? Shared money or not.

I dunno if he was doing it to make a point I think I would find that more irritating tbh

I’ve just googled it and it’s apparently a ‘thing’. Postpartum rage. It’s very common apparently and is linked to hormones, stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed (a little like a form of post natal depression).
Although I wouldn’t have identified with these feelings at the time. Although I’ve always said that motherhood is hard work!

I’m almost one year post partum now and like I said, it’s definitely not been as bad lately but looking after the baby has started becoming easier too so it’s probably all linked. I hope you start to feel more like yourself soon too OP.