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Original poster

Upset that she called me a golddigger

86 replies

upseta · 16/01/2019 10:57

My best friend of 10 years who I’ve supported through thick and thin has really upset me.

I recently spilt with a guy I’d been seeing for nearly a year. He ended it because he said he wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship but that he cared greatly about me. I was disappointed but accepted his decision although if I’m honest, I’m hoping he’ll change his mind.

Naturally I turned to my friend for support and we talked about him and how I could change his mind. We were getting tipsy on wine and she said something that I found really hurtful and offensive.

She said that in all honesty, she thought the only reason I liked him was because he had money and took me out to expensive restaurants and bought me gifts. Take all of that away and I wouldn’t have looked twice at him.

I know we were drunk and everything but AIBU to be really offended that she has basically called me a gold digger? FWIW I had/have genuine feelings for him and was really upset when he ended it because he’s a good guy. Not because he’s rich!

I told my friend that she was totally out of order and that she needed to apologise or she’d never see me again. That was a week ago and I haven’t heard from her. What should I do and how do we ever recover from this fallout?

OP posts:
joanmcc · 16/01/2019 17:53

Indeed they aren't, so I suggest you reflect on your behaviour with your ex-friend.

Original poster
upseta · 16/01/2019 17:55

And I suggest you reflect on how rude and judgmental you are coming across @joanmcc

OP posts:
Original poster
upseta · 16/01/2019 17:55

You don’t know me.

OP posts:
Original poster
upseta · 16/01/2019 17:55

Patronising idiot

OP posts:
joanmcc · 16/01/2019 17:56

Thankfully.

Original poster
upseta · 16/01/2019 17:57

Well at least we agree on something.

OP posts:
Original poster
upseta · 16/01/2019 17:57

Seems I’ve really hit a nerve with you.

OP posts:
Original poster
upseta · 16/01/2019 17:58

Hope you get over it.

OP posts:
Noodles4Me · 16/01/2019 18:01

Deffo a snob if not a goldigger. Judging by your replies, your friend was right in what she said and right to bin you off/not apologise

TooManyPuppies · 16/01/2019 18:04

I think you overreacted well and truly... I think I'd be apologising to you friend if you want to stay friends and then explain how you took her comment so she can explain her meaning. I don't think it's up to her to come grovelling, I sure wouldn't if someone flipped out at me over a comment instead of discussing with me. She's probably just as hurt and shocked at how you went on after being friends for so long... Maybe she hit a nerve if you couldn't ask her then and there calmly what she meant by it.

But then your last couple of posts... Hmm

ISdads · 16/01/2019 18:04

The ultimatum you gave was awful. Quite possibly that in itself is why you haven't heard from her. I wouldn't be interested in a friend who said that.

You do sound quite materialistic, but I doubt that was her main issue.

Boysandbuses · 16/01/2019 18:06

I can't imagine why she hasn't been in touch.

The only nerve hit here, is yours.

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 16/01/2019 18:12

Personally, I think you should have just shrugged it off. By acting the way you did, it sounds like she hit a nerve. Have you ever heard the old Shakespeare line the lady doth protest too much, me thinks.

For instance, I could be called a gold digger by someone I just met, because they don't know that when DH and I met he had nothing. If someone said that to me now, I would just shrug my shoulders and say, "yeah the money is really nice, but his body is what tipped it for me" Wink

TheBigBangRocks · 16/01/2019 18:14

Given you wouldn't have dated him if was bankrupt or on minimum wage, she wasn't wrong was she. I'm not surprised she hasn't apologised.

Original poster
upseta · 16/01/2019 18:24

Ah ok. I’ve just seen comments joan has made on other threads. Nasty and aggressive comments. Makes sense.

OP posts:
Bluestitch · 16/01/2019 18:31

Er you're the one who called joan names.

MissingGeorgeMichael · 16/01/2019 18:33

What should I do and how do we ever recover from this fallout?

If you want her back, be prepared to sincerely apologise. If she has not spoken to you for a week she is deeply upset by what you have said and the fact you'd end a friendship over a few drunken words.

chillpizza · 16/01/2019 18:42

Uh oh the more the op comments the more I understand the friend. You can change your pay packet but sadly that won’t buy you the class to go with it. Your friend has had a lucky escape from you looking down at her.

Flanuary · 16/01/2019 18:51

So you told her you’d never speak to her again if she didn’t apologise. And it’s a week ago and err, she hasn’t apologised.

I’d take the hint.

Katgurl · 16/01/2019 21:08

Sorry but the OP saying she wouldn't date someone without ambition does NOT mean she was only with him for his money. She means someone career focused is an absolute minimum.

I am the same op and I make no apology for it.

However I need to be very attracted to them, like and respect them and basically enjoy their company too.

I assume you are the same.

Don't lower your standards.

Perhaps give your friend a break though and consider a few things; you don't have to have the exact same priorities in life to be friends, her comment even if it was bitchy is not (in isolation) worth falling out over, you were drinking.

However I will repeat what I said earlier. If she is a friend who does not wish you well then cut her loose.

SparklyMagpie · 16/01/2019 21:18

"Seems I’ve really hit a nerve with you"

Reading your replies, seems like you're the only one who's had a nerve hit 😂

Aridane · 16/01/2019 21:37

Have AS'd joanmcc in light of OP's comments (yes, clearly too much time on my hands)..

No nasty or aggressive comments from what I could see. The only ones I see are on this thread from you to Joan and to your ex-friend

ThePinkOcelot · 16/01/2019 21:55

OP, I think your friend was right tbh. No need for you mr nastiness towards Joan either!

Mortgages · 16/01/2019 22:28

I generally find ambitious alpha male types don’t tend to date ambitious women... just a thought/opinion...

I guess men just date who they are attracted to money or not.

Original poster
upseta · 16/01/2019 22:33

Aridane - you must be on a parallel MN universe because loads of other threads are calling joan out as being unpleasant and aggressive. If anyone else cares to check, you’ll see that I’m not lying.

OP posts: