Is this a 'no go' situation?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Hi
So very brief story as I'm bored of hearing myself talk about it now but I split with my husband of 13 years just over a year ago when I found out he was having an affair with a younger woman at work (they are still together). We 'get on' for our two children's sake but will never be friends as he broke my heart.
He has had a friend who I have known for years but hardly seen as they know each other through previous work. He helped us move house a couple of times and has always been lovely. He has also been divorced for a few years. We have always been 'friends' on social media but more recently he has asked how I am, etc on there and after quite a long a conversation via social media PM's we exchanged numbers and have been chatting a bit (mostly about how we are, online dating stories, etc).

He hasn't seen my ex for months and has made it quite clear he doesn't agree with what he did and thinks he's a fool.

I guess my question is I don't know if this is just a friendship thing as we're both in similar positions in life at the moment or if he feels anything more and if he did, do I steer clear because of who he is?

If you both like each other go for it. Your DH didn't show you much consideration so there's no reason you can't be with an ex friend of his

No reason not to do anything you think appropriate sunshine, you are both free agents

I wouldn't steer clear because he's your xH friend. Surely he lost the privilege of you considering his feelings when he tore your family apart.

If he makes you smile and you get along- go for it! Be happy, you've been through enough heartbreak to last you a lifetime! Big hugs

No, if you both get on and there could be something more, then why bloody well not? xx

I'm married to one of my ex dhs good friends. Happy to answer any questions!

This is definitely not a no go situation. If you like each other and are ready to move on then why not?

Why should you steer clear?
Just go with the flow and see what happens.
Don't over think it.
Maybe ask to meet him for a coffee and a catch up and see where it goes from there.

Thanks everyone...I guess I was expecting harsher replies.
I have no idea if he feels anything other than friendship towards me and he has also had his heart broken so maybe neither of us are in the right place for anything more anyway. He has said a few times that I am beautiful and my ex is a fool, etc but I think he is probably just being nice after what has happened. I'm not even sure I feel that way about him as I have only ever know him as a friend (mostly of my ex) but I have always thought he is a lovely guy and we get on well. I'm just not sure i trust my own judgement these days!

He has said a few times that I am beautiful and my ex is a fool

Ding ding!

I think he's interested.

It all sounds very sweet to be honest. If you're not sure how you're feeling you don't have to do anything about it yet.

Just keep chatting for now and see what happens. He may be wary of approaching you directly for the same reasons you have.

I think he fancies you or else he wouldn’t be risking awkwardness with your ex by being in touch like that

Go for it.

Your ex betrayed you so any concern about crossing boundaries is very misplaced!

Pursue your own happiness

Go for it op and good luck with it, sounds like you deserve some happiness. I would say he is interested. EH doesn't get a say in this I'm afraid your happiness is all that matters.

Thanks again.
This may all be hypothetical talk as he has made no indication of any feelings towards me other than friendship but has told me he's given up on women so that's quite a clear statement really!

You owe your ex nothing so if he's interested, go for it. However, just know it will no doubt cause a little friction but that shouldn't stop you leading your life.

You owe your piece of shit ex nothing. Go for it and rub his face in it to boot.

He has said a few times that I am beautiful and my ex is a fool.

Please.
Just go with the flow, and see what happens. (And forget what ex might think or not think about it if it becomes something more. Who the f* cares?).

@OutPinked Haha! Thanks and as much as part of me would love to do that, it's just not in my DNA to be like that.

Don't get your hopes up but it sounds like there may be a slow burn opportunity for both of you there. Just go with the flow without any reference to XH. At the very least it sounds like you have a nice friend. Good luck OP

I think he's saying those as he doesn't want to overstep the mark, with time he'll start expressing his feelings for you.
You owe your ExH nothing, you're free as a bird enjoy the chats and attention and if/ when it develops to something else, go for it and enjoy it 🙂

Calling you beautiful is an indication of his feelings!

Take things slowly and spend more time assessing your thoughts and feelings about him than his about you.

Yes, you're right @Somerville. I told myself I was going to stay single for the time being and just focus on me and the kids so I am a bit cross with myself that I'm even thinking this way really!

I wouldn't take it any further not because I think it's wrong, because it isn't. Your h ended your marriage and in a v disrespectful hurtful way so that shouldn't really factor in your decision. I just couldn't be bothered with the drama it would probably cause.
I would consider the upset the fall out would cause to the kids and probably decide it wasn't worth it. I know your h didn't consider that when he was sticking his dick elsewhere but it sounds like you have been the bigger person and tried to make it work for them, I'm not sure I would want to risk that.

Yes, you're probably right, although I have managed to not cause a fall out over his infidelity and subsequent new girlfriend. The kids don't know she is the reason we separated, although I'm sure they will work that out or ask one day.

That's what I meant about being the bigger person.
If you can trust him to accept the situation go for it. If you can't I would think seriously and tread carefully.
As I said I don't think it would be wrong to explore it I just don't personally think I would want to risk rocking the boat.

If you can trust him to accept the situation go for it. If you can't I would think seriously...

Excuse me? He cheated and then had/has a new girl friend. Case closed. This is not the Middle Ages where you continue to belong to a man even after he cast you aside. If the Middle Ages ever were that bad, that is. If anything, the friend may consider, whether he wants to 'risk the friendship' ('bros before hoes' which I would find pathic, but anyway). But considering the ex's feelings or reactions... 'saying yes once, being a hostage for life'!?! No really.