Husband searching for day use hotels..

[letterbox]

Hi,

So my husband has been a bit 'offy' and just not seeming him.

Curiosity got the best of me and I found he had been searching for hotels to stay in during the day. As in during his work hours.

Thinking the worst. Am I right, or could there be an explanation?

Not brought it up with him just yet, but I have taken photos of the searches.

What do you mean by check in date last weds? Is that when he was looking? Any evidence he booked it?

@IBlameJulieBindel pahahhaha. Me too, me too!

happy to call the number for you if you want!

@IamIwas yeh. No evidence it was booked. This is why I would like to have another look. It could be that he deleted all evidence. I tried looking for receipts, no luck yet.

I also don't have any access to see our bank statements. So can't check that either.

Could you maybe- but this is risky- call the hotel and say you left something when you stayed with Mr Letterbox on X date, and have they found it? (An earring or something). If he’s smart he won’t have used his real name, but you can probably press them slightly. Say you don’t know what name he used but the earring had great sentimental value etc... Maybe you’ll get some info that way?

Can a friend check What's App and Facebook for you ?

I am so sorry OP - but lets face it, its what you think it is. Time to Get Rid

@HappyGoLuckyGo good idea. Will perhaps try that!

Ok ok!! I called the number. The voicemail sounded like they work for someone he would do business with. Absolutely no reason as to why he would use his personal phone though.

So a possible person it could have been then.

@Purplecatshopaholic probably. Hard to think about at the moment. But I know you are right. I can't wait to hear what he has to say for himself/the excuses

@Bin85 I will do that. Nothing comes up on mine whatsoever for with of those

I also don't have any access to see our bank statements.

Bollox to that. Phone the bank and get access.

My ex used this type of "hotel". Actually, the one he used is a brothel with rooms they let out; they call it a hotel for marketing purposes. The room he used didn't have a window. Like in a brothel.

Was it a woman then OP?

If you don’t have access to the family bank statements do you not have visibility or say in the finances generally OP? If not then after you’ve researched what’s been going on, make sure you change this before you confront him. Whether it’s innocent or not you need some control over finances etc.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy thank you. Needed that. I will do! I have all the numbers. I will do that this afternoon.

@ravenmum ughhh. What an arse. I can see the hotel names on the searches so know which ones he has looked at.

@BitOutOfPractice yes, sure was 😫

Wasn’t even aware they existed - Thought the only hourly places were those in seedier parts of big cities!

There are legit uses - Nightshift workers whose homes are temporarily unrestful, people with hours to kill between international flights/serious jetlag, people who just really want a private chill space for a few hours (it sounds pretty damn good to me after a few hours with my preschooler). They're common near airports for that reason. But also, yes, illicit sex.

@YouokHun I have access, our wages go into the joint account and I have full access to use the money, both happy to discuss finances. I suppose I am just not great technically and have never needed to use online banking. He has separate cards also though.

My plan is to see if I can find anything else. Then, regardless I will make sure my ducks are in a row, followed by confronting him.

Get the bank sorted first - it sounds as though you share an account - I would phone the bank and ask for all payments over the last month. If you can't do that for some reason, go to your nearest branch and ask for a printout of the last few weeks.

You really do need to do this before you confront him.

OP I hope you are ok. You need to have it out with him. You will understand so much more face to face by judging his reactions when you challenge him. The truth is easy to tell. Lies are not and make people defensive. Don't be afraid to go the full Doctor Foster (been there, done that). Line your friends up ...you're gonna need them. xxxxxxxx

You can search a phone number on facebook. If they have the number on their profile it will show.

Doesn't have to be a bank or credit card transaction as he could pay in cash.

@HollowTalk absolutely will do. Priority is making sure the kids and I are sorted.

@DKmamma thank you so much. To be honest I had the total sweats as soon as I posted. I knew I would have my thoughts agreed with. Managing to keep fairly calm enough. Got to keep my cool until I confront him.

Well done for staying calm. I think you need to find something else so he hasn’t got a leg to stand on when you confront him. He could easily say he was looking for a friend?

@appless I checked, it's not coming up for me. It could be that husband is contacting her work number (looks this way), therefore she probably doesn't use this number for Facebook. Alternatively I am blocked, in which I can get a friend to have a look

A handhold from me Op.
I second others in contacting your Bank for equal access to your Accounts before you confront him .This could be a very important step for you to take.
Take care and a virtual hug for you 🤗 .