Online dating profile red flags

[twattymctwatterson]

Semi lighthearted but after a few years of on and off, unsuccessful OLD, there are things I see on a profile that immediately turn me off. These are;

"Open minded" (will try to push you into polyamory/threesomes, things you aren't comfortable about sexually, then make out like you're repressed if you don't take part)
"Dominant" (controlling)
"I don't do vanilla" (I can't ejaculate unless I'm hurting or humiliating you)
"Are there any good women out there?" (I hate women and will constantly compare to to past women who have hurt me)

Does anyone else have similar red flags?

I do think a lot of guys put stuff about mountain climbing, cycling, caving etc because they think that’s what women’want’ and means they are fit. Let’s face it if they put I like nice home cooked dinners at night , scrolling through Tinder and watching the Grand Tour and sky sports it doesn’t exactly sound like they have a lot going on, even if it would be probably more honest

notmyrealname85 by florist they mean they are a drug dealer normally in cannabis

Haven’t been on dating sites in ages, came off because those that seemed to be “trying to find Mrs right” and “want to settle down” were in my experience players.

The ones who straight away want to message on WhatsApp.

Heaven forbid they want to spend money having to send an MMS of their dick.

All the pictures being selfies, especially car/bathroom/gym selfies. It just says that they are either married, or have no friends. Neither is appealing!
When I stopped doing OLD a couple of years ago, it seemed that mountain biking pics were taking over from fish/tiger pics. So bloody common and so annoying that you can't even see their faces! One mud-covered bloke in a helmet looks pretty much like any other mud-covered bloke in a helmet.

DarkStorm 'I’m back on here to give this another go' also implies that he's under the impression there's a spotlight on him. I know you've all been watching and waiting to see if I 'come back' (ie if the relationship I started here has failed) and it's your lucky day, here I am! And there's the implication that his standards are too high for most mortal woman.

@DarkStorm

I'm very open-minded - sexual deviant.

This actually translates to me that they want to be and they want you to teach them to be.

Reading the messages makes me laugh so much!
Hate if you do exchange numbers they want to call you to chat aka being too lazy to go on a date so interview you over the phone instead. Luckily those men who do that never actually get a date.

Well, since someone asked, here are a few of those things that drive men bonkers:

• "I'm just me". Hmm, yes, that's nice. But still - I don't actually know you, so...um...yeah, thanks for that

• pouting selfies. Not even remotely sexy. You look like you've been stung by a wasp.

• a long list of what you're not looking for. Just seems really negative.

• "banter". Just no.

• "fiery / a handful". I'm going to make your life hell. Give it two years, and you will be a broken shell of a man.

• "full time mum" but the 'kids are all in their mid-teens. Time to get a job.

rosabug - could be a cultural thing. I work I have a few clients that are from an Indian background & everyone of them calls me Dear and e-mails Hello Dear, they really don't mean anything by it it's just how they are

notmyrealname85 by florist they mean they are a drug dealer normally in cannabis

I’m an idiot!!! Is it really?! Oh well I missed out on lots of fun then :)

I used to HATE when they put their jobs. You could keep it generic but in London they used to say the most detailed stuff about which investment bank and which position, photos of them at their desk, like the rest of us don’t also work jobs

Oh my favourite were ones who’d go on about how successful they were but then be emphatic they didn’t want any gold diggers (well duh)... except in every case I think they did want gold diggers, when they found out I was vaguely successful too and had no power over me like that. Used to waste hours listening to that line, “I just can’t bare gold diggers” not sure if they thought I was trying to be one! And I used to work longer hours than all of them!!

Don't try and change me aka I'm a bastard and I always will be.

I don't think being busy (likes socialising running etc) is a "red flag" at all. Just a matter of preference/comparability.

If you're a woman who likes similar sports and maybe going to the pub or to someone's house to watch the rugby then that's perfect and you will slot into one another's lives well, I would think.

People with busy lives and lots of hobbies still have relationships.

As a man ;

• 'like to be wined and dined' - reads like looking for a meal ticket
• pouting pictures - always looks slightly deranged
• I like going out but I also like cosy nights in - so what, don't we all.
• lists of books you've read, obscure bands, obscure artists, - just comes over as very pretentious, are we supposed to be impressed because you have preferences in literature, music and art?
• describing yourself as a 'creative' - I can't stand this, everyone (yes everyone) has a creative side of some sort but is not as pretentious and smug as you clearly are.

Thankfully I'm out of the game these days.

Weirdest I ever saw was a womans. It was just 3 pictures all of her (I assume) children, none of her. I reported it.

I once saw the caption.. are there any decent women left, attached to the profile of a large balding man in his 30s wearing an adult baby costume.

In case you're wondering, it was a nappy, blue bonnet and rattle.

This really happened. I'll try and find the screenshot.

‘School of hard knocks’
Urgh

Photos of themselves holding a massive fish they just caught.

Just, not cool.

Really, really, really obviously not over their ex.

'I'm a few months on from my divorce and though it's been a tough time I am now ready to meet someone new, though I'll be looking to take things slowly'

Darling, employ a therapist.

Self proclaimed male feminists or "new men" = closet mysogonist

@Treacletoots....please find the pic

@SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad...Ahh yes the i'll take 3ml juvaderm, now I have lips gang

And the word banter should just be outlawed...just awful

Huge lists of their favourite films/books/bands. So self-obsessed.

The ones who straight away want to message on WhatsApp.

Heaven forbid they want to spend money having to send an MMS of their dick.

Ohhh....was going to say selfies in the car!

I'm enjoying this thread, I'm still dabbling in the world of OLD. My pet peeves are:
Children in profile pictures, it just isn't appropriate.
Text speak, you are not a teenage girl.
Listing the physical attributes you are looking for. I've come across "no bigger than a size 14" a few times.
Topless, or more, selfies. On the beach in swimmers, no worries.
Snapchat filters.
Tongue sticking out, shows he's just a cheeky fella 😂
Big chains, just no. Also those big, gold signet rings or DAD rings. Probably me being a snob 😁
Bad spelling and grammar. I was messaging with a guy who constantly used two instead of to or too.
Holding a fish or playing golf.
Any questions, just ask. Thinks he's so great, women will message anyway.
Guys who have obviously not read my profile.
The ones who don't answer any questions or are evasive.
Wanting to move straight onto WhatsApp or messenger.
Guys who use sexual innuendo. Some think they're being flirty but just come across as creepy. I get this a lot as I used to play rugby. Were you a hooker? I bet you like a good scrum. You must be quite strong l, I'd better behave otherwise you'll tackle me.
My current favourite, that keep telling I'm not interested, is the fat, balding guy dressed in a maids outfit who is looking for a dominatrix 😲
Blimey that's a lot. Sorry for the long post.

Is 'Florist' code for 'will enjoy attending to your lady garden'?

Oh, maybe not... just seen it might be code for drug dealer.