Online dating profile red flags

[twattymctwatterson]

Semi lighthearted but after a few years of on and off, unsuccessful OLD, there are things I see on a profile that immediately turn me off. These are;

"Open minded" (will try to push you into polyamory/threesomes, things you aren't comfortable about sexually, then make out like you're repressed if you don't take part)
"Dominant" (controlling)
"I don't do vanilla" (I can't ejaculate unless I'm hurting or humiliating you)
"Are there any good women out there?" (I hate women and will constantly compare to to past women who have hurt me)

Does anyone else have similar red flags?

I saw one that said 'I'm leasehold, you'll never own me' 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I went on a few dates with a guy once who had quite a good profile bio. It didn't go anywhere. Later I came across his profile again and his entire bio had been changed to a rant about how annoying single mums were, why were there so many of them on that site etc. I can only assume he got dumped by one in the interim? Was very pleased to have escaped that guy!

Also any bio starting with a rant like "eugh does no one ever chat on here?", "If I message you just reply, it's polite!", "So many time wasters about" etc. The self awareness is clearly not strong with them.

I used to be on tinder and kept coming across two jobs men would list - think they were trying to be “funny”: dolphin shaver, and florist.

Ok florist would be cool, except when 50 men say they’re a florist how can that be true. Or maybe it’s all slang I don’t get :)

Men who either say they're a CEO or a DJ.
"University of life"
Mirror selfies in very messy bedrooms

Guys with pics of them with a random (or two) attractive girl/s who are obviously just work acquaintances or someone they met on a night out.

I'd really like some male input because I'm sure we can be just as bad. I suspect pics with snapchat filters is something women do (I know they do because I've seen them!)

Ahhh my friend and I have a lovely list of profile dos and don’ts we’ve come across.

“Just ask” - sod off, you’re supposed to be selling yourself here. Don’t make me do all the work.

“Just looking for fun” - all I want is casual sex.

“I work long hours and my hobbies are marathon running, caving, hang gliding, deep sea diving and hill walking” - I don’t think you’ll have time to date sunshine...

“I like good nights out or quiet nights in” - state the bleeding obvious.

And swipe left on photos with fish, motorbikes, another woman (Ex? Sister? Workmate?) and children that haven’t had their faces hidden. Oh and the ones where they’re in bed trying to look alluring and sexy taking a selfie. Or glaring into the camera to look tough. I’d rather see a smile thanks!

Ah this OLD malarkey is fun!

Own hair and teeth. Do many people wear wigs and false teeth these days?

Pictures of them posing with a fish. Just why?!

The pint in front of them just makes me think they're an alky.

No longer do OLD but remember some corkers.

Photo of man with his DD aged about 9 ...”photo of me with the most important woman in my life”. Firstly just ewwww and secondly it screams “you will never ever be good or important enough for me...or her”. Maybe that’s a bit unfair but really....a child in the photo.

“No time wasters”

I once read a really long profile of a man who messaged me. I replied politely to say I was going away for the weekend but would reply properly when I got back. I arrived back on the Monday to a message from him . I was “a time waster” apparently 😂. Yeah that was you blocked mate.

No one's mentioned dick pics yet. That's a red flag sure enough

And the bloody bathroom/public toilet/ urinal mirror selfies. Have they given any thought to how they come across.

I think that's it really, the total lack of self awareness on 80% of profiles. The other 20% have been therapised to within an inch of their lives and are now experts on their and your mental health.

I hate with a passion men who say 'I'm one of the good guys'..... Just awful and I find it arrogant pitting themselves against all the other men. Basically saying I'm not gonna be a dick like all the other guys aka I am a dick like all the other guys.

Bare torso, posing in the mirror
Men who refer to women by their hair colour. 'I like redhead', 'I like brunettes'

... Oh and because of where I live, 99% (slight exageration) profile pics seem to be of man posing beside 'pen Y fan' in the Brecons. Wtf is that about?

Selfies taken in their car. They are clearly setting up their profile away from prying eyes - so probably married.

Any that say they travel a lot for work are also probably married or in a relationship.

Pictures with children is not always a problem to me - but not as the main profile picture. Ditto pictures with friends - how are we supposed to know which one is the owner of the profile?

oh and please ask someone to proofread your profile. Bad spelling, grammar and nonsense statements are a real turn off.

Broccoli SAS training ground. So we're supposed to think they're part of an elite battle unit... and not an accounts clerk from Bridgend.

Yes - pic holding up a glass of booze, however, however - I'm told we do this a lot with a glasses of wine!

Also pics with a horse tend to be the female equivalent of pics with a fish.

Well, I set a very low bar of own teeth, own hair and with a degree of sexual ability - he didn't get anywhere near it.

Probably not red flags as such, just eye-rollers.

• I like going out and staying in
• I like music
• I work hard and play hard
• a 'gift' at first meeting (a fella gave me The Alchemist, yawn/bleurgh)
• fish and tigers (is that still happening??)
• spelling/grammar/puctuation that is not just informal/inattentive but very poor/lazy (eg if a word is complicated look it up)
• multiple exclamation marks

I did have a phone conversation with one bloke who initially sounded gently vulnerable (in a nice way) but turned out to be desperately insecure. I had put 'speak soon - ?' at the end of an email (as we had discussed speaking soon!) and he took it to mean that I was sort of dangling that in front of him as a 'will we or won't we' kind of thing. There was other similar paranoia on display, not just that, to the point that I felt uncomfortable meeting up.

I met up with someone who was a fantastic writer and with whom I'd slightly concocted a romance in my head on the basis of his amazing emails. (This is the only time I remember this happening but I knew it was an OLD risk, all the more reason to meet up quickly to avoid me further inflating the imaginary romance.) On meeting, he expressed disappointment that I wasn't drinking alcohol and told me a long story about his recent rise and fall, which involved his business partner stealing the business and funds, being dumped by his gf at Christmas and having to sell his riverside flat and move in with his parents.

Sorry, you didn't ask for bad date stories. :)

"Looking for someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously", which I always mentally translate as "I am feckless, immature, and crap with money, and will spend any dates we might have making snarky comments at your expense and then saying "Can't you take a joke?" when you take exception."

"Not looking for a penpal" = "Exchanging a couple of messages before we meet up is too much effort. You can expect me to be similarly bad at communicating if we ever get into a relationship."

"lol" = "I am 12 years old."

And yes, I really hate those "quirky" job descriptions that some men seem to think are endearing, like narwhal wrangler or whatever. Those ones always seem to turn out to be civil servants.

‘Hello ladies, I’m back on here to give this another go....hopefully no time wasters/drama queens this time’. Just smacks of bitterness.

‘I’m looking for a nice girl’. Just nice, nothing else. Desperate? Also it’s woman, not girl.

‘I like cosy nights in’. Cheapskate who wants to sit in the house instead of going on actual dates.

‘I like socialising, mountain climbing, cycling, running, travelling, playing rugby’. Errr are you sure you have time for a relationship?

‘I’m very open minded’. Sexual deviant.

Whoever said on the last page that men don't like reading that you enjoy a glass of wine... that's fine. It's the 'cheeky glass of vino' terminology that for some reason is nails-across-a-blackboard stuff to us. Can't explain why.

I've never had to do one of these profiles thankfully, but I'd still say that "one of the nice guys"/"old fashioned gentleman" are major red flags. I think there's a very implied reference that they expect a 'nice girl' - expect endless grilling about how you EVER managed to have feelings for your arsehole ex bf's etc.