My 15 year old D is lesbian

[Croeso78]

Hi, I discovered a week ago that my daughter identifies as a lesbian, I dont want to offend anyone so some terminology I might not get right so please forgive me, there is a lot to learn and a lot to get my head around. She does not know that I know about it.
I need to accept this, as I know it is what she needs, but I am struggling, if you have experienced a similar situation please share, I need some advice.

Thank you all very very much. pBobs, your words really touched my heart, thank you. I knew it would help to post on here and talk to others, but I didnt realise it will be so helpful and I would get this much support! amazing, all of you!
It is Jordan, so not as bad as Saudi but still not accepting, I will go for a visit soon without the children, and hoping I can detect how things are at the moment there, as I havent been there lately myself, (kids have), and it was not something I ever looked at, I do have a gay uncle, who struggled so much, I would say lost his mind completely too.
She is such a bright young lady and she is so caring and loving, I just want her happy, and it would be such a disaster if me her mum, the person who love her the most, would cause her any pain. I am learning, and the ideas given to me here are so useful, and I already started using them, I havent put a rainbow pin! I thought this might be too obvious! haha!
I did read the article yesterday, it was sad...but I can totally understand, and this is what I fear from her father! I dont think he would ever accept it.

I dont think he would ever accept it.

People do change. It DOES happen. I have known virulently homophobic or racist parents/grandparents who have absolutely turned around for the love of their children and grandchildren.

Wishing you very best of luck, op. With you on her side, I don't doubt she'll go far.

I haven’t ready this full thread as I’m short on time but I just wanted to give you my thoughts.
My brother recently came out as gay at mid 30’s. Maybe a bit more for family to deal with as they have no problem with him being gay but felt lied too as turns out has had a partner for the past few years. mum has been grieving for the GC she’ll no longer have from him etc. Anyways after the initial shock it’s all okay. They don’t love him any less etc. Any feelings are perfectly normal. I understand that you being from the Middle East makes this difficult but as long as she has the support from you she’ll get thought her confusion.
On a side note if I found what you did and thought my daughter was suffering I would tell her I found it and was totally accepting etc and would never change anything. I’d be worried about her mental health if left. X

The poster who talked about grieving the future you imagined for your dd, I have children and I don’t identify with that at all. They are young but I don’t assume they are heterosexual. Nor do I assume they will marry (a partner of either gender) or that they will have children or even want children.

Not sure how that’s relevant Shednik? I mean, good for you to feel that way. But not everyone does. Like it or not we live in a society still riddled with homophobia, people who want to marry someone of the same gender are still having to fight for that right in many parts of the world, in others it’s punishable by death to even be gay.

Many parents do make assumptions or have wishes for their children’s future. That they’ll find love, marry, have their own family, have a successful career, be healthy. It doesn’t make them bad people. It would be wrong for a parent to be unsupportive when their child’s future looks different to how they envisaged it would, they are after all separate people to their parents. But having an idea of what your child’s life will look like isn’t intrinsically wrong. And if you read OP’s posts you’ll see that she is originally from part of the world (or has family there) where being gay would have huge and dangerous consequences. So it’s understandable if hasn’t just absorbed this news like water off a duck’s back.

OP, I think you’re clearly a great mum to be thinking about this stuff, seeking advice, being honest about your own feelings about it. It’s ‘super woke’ to act like every parent from every background does or ought to respond to their child being gay with a casual ‘and? Pass the potatoes dear’. But it’s not reality for everyone and you shouldn’t be shamed for the fact you have some feelings about this.

poster VietnameseCrispyFish
Thank you, I do feel guilty, guilty for having such thoughts and to have decided in my head how her future should be, but I AM working on it and accepting that those were my dreams, not hers, we give our children lives, we help them grow up to be the best people they can be, but we do not own them, they do not belong to us...
Coming from a mixed background, raised in the ME, makes me unprepared. I can see that most people understand this! and it is great.
Tonight I will go to the counselling session, and hopefully tomorrow I will summarise the outcome of that, there must be people who would benefit from this.
I am so lucky to have a partner who wants to support, and he is coming with me too, he wants to be there for my daughter.

Hello OP...My son is gay,,he told me when he was 14 yrs old.I cried a little ..mainly for me to be honest,,I wanted him to be safe I wanted grandchildren eventually and I was quite selfish..The only thing I ever really wanted was for him to be happy.For someone to love him like I did..and he has that now..He is a fine man my son,,he works hard he is kind and funny and generous and loving and totally happy and devoted to his partner,,a man I am proud to call my son in law.My son works in senior management and his partner is a teacher and they are so very happy and content,They fly around the world on adventures,,they have a wonderful life together and that makes me happy.I would imagine you want the same thing for your daughter and there is no reason why that cannot be...All you have to do is carry on ,,love her like you always did and be there like you always will the rest will work its self out..I promise...I know your concerns I had them myself but the world is ever changing and more open than ever before,it is not an obstical as it once was where people needed to hide and thank goodness for that,I wish your daughter every happiness and I wish you well....and to be honest if he doesnt tell you its ok too..after all I dont walk around telling everyone I am straight!!! She is your daughter regardless above and beyond anything ,,just your daughter,,be proud of her,,,,,

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe This was wonderful to read, very positive, happy for you and your family!
I went to the session last night, and it helped me focus and plan ahead, most of the advice I got was things you lovely lady already suggested.
Feeling positive and light!