Is my boyfriend tight with money?

[user83921]

Firstly, sorry for the long message I just need to get this out!

I’ve been with my boyfriend 4 years and we’ve just bought our first house together. I’m very lucky to have a mother who gifted us the deposit for the house. I was actively saving for a deposit and had about 4K whilst my OH had saved nothing as he isn’t ‘good at saving’ I have since furnished the house out of my own pocket and it got the point where I realised he wasn’t buying anything so I started a list of things that he should pay half for such as the reservation fee etc. He got very funny with this and ended up taking the mickey out of me saying I was being tight?! The total has got to about £500 and we’ve been here 4 months and I’m still waiting for this money from him.

It’s now go to the point where I buy stuff for myself and not him. Such as we have two different toilets and I’ve been subtly moaning for ages that we really need to get toilet brushes (I mean come on they’re literally £5 he can get those) but still no. I ended up buying one for my toilet and he’s like oh didn’t you buy me one?! The cheek!

I have just come back from a 3 day trip to my nans funeral and before I left I said to him please can you make sure you get some kitchen roll as we have ran out. I’ve come home and no kitchen roll and now no toilet roll (as he has been using this) I’m now having to go out after travelling 6 hours to go buy toilet roll.

Am I being too uptight and he is just oblivious to the little things or is he just that tight with money?

We aren’t well off or anything but we aren’t on minimum wage jobs either. I come from a family where if you want something you save for it and buy it, whereas his family is very much ‘you can get everything on finance’ Also he isn’t in any debt, he was one I first met him but I’ve helped him close all his accounts.

It’s really making me doubt our relationship as I don’t want to spend every weekend sat in the house as he hasn’t got any money and it’s got to the point where I resent spending my money on things for us. We don’t have kids or anything so there isn’t an excuse.

I’m starting to worry that I’m the future we will never do anything as he always says ‘we’ll never be able to afford that’ whereas I think if I save long enough you can afford anything really. I don’t want to waste my life not doing things I want to do because of him.

Why did you buy a house with him?

Surely division of finances should have been the first thing discussed?

Sounds like your being taken for a ride

Ugh I couldn't live like that. Not only is he tight, he's a freeloader! Making use of everything you've worked hard, sacrificed and saved for!

Is he tight or oblivious? He sounds a bit of both tbh. What do you do about other expenses, bills etc? Have you taken steps to protect your deposit if you split?

Oh man.
Cut your losses and get out now.

I hope you protected your deposit

Exactly what Sirzy said. Surely you discussed this?

Not even tight but he sounds lazy and completely disrespectful of you. I couldn't live like it.

And absolutely about protecting your deposit! My sister and her longterm partner broke up after she had provided most of the deposit for their flat for which she also paid most of several years of the mortgage while he was studying -- and she was absolutely shafted when he left her because it was difficult to demonstrate this conclusively.

Also yes - I hope you protected my deposit! My DP and I are buying our first home currently and had a Trust Deed drawn up as he put in significantly more than me.

What exactly does he pay? Are both your names on the legal documents for the house ? How much did your mother give you ?

He sounds like a nightmare. You should have backed out when he called you tight over the reservation fee. But hindsight is a great thing I guess. You need to sit down with him and discuss putting a set amount into an account each month each for mortgage, bills AND household necessities

Yep he is tight and expects you to provide everything and so far you and your mum have provided a very cushy life for him. Take my advice, this is who he is and he will not change. You sound totally sorted and sensible, he sounds like a tightwad manchild.

Can you afford the mortgage on your own? Because if he can't be arsed to even buy toilet roll (ffs!) this is an excellent indication that you will not be able to rely on him for even basic crap.
Tell him he has the weekend to move out and give yourself praise for not getting embroiled in supporting a cocklodger

I hope you protected your house deposit as well. He has done rather well out of you and he has really taken you for being a mug here. Its no real surprise he has acted as he has done given as well his family's attitude to money.

Why are you together at all now?. What is in this for you that for you has been worth holding onto with him?. You and he are very different people and are seemingly not compatible at all.

He sounds charming.

Does he contribute to the mortgage?

Is the house in both your names?

Did you ringfence the deposit?

Does he work?

Create a joint bank account and tell him to pay x% of his wages into it and you do the same. Everything for the house then comes out of this account so it's split 50/50. But he does need to cough up for some of the money you've already shelled out for 'house things'.

The op can't tell him to move out when it is his house too.

Sadly

Wow, you have to ask, he's pretty much getting you to pay for everything whilst he cruises along in a nice house with new things for free, don't be a mug OP, honestly, what a horrible character.

If you still want to be with someone that can do this to you, get the property put in your name and treat him like a lodger, can't believe you have been going along with this.

Please tell me the deposit you paid is protected???

He can't be tight. Otherwise he would have loads of money saved. What is he spending his money on ?

I'm tight. But that translates as buying cheap toilet roll and having soft drinks or water on a quiet night out. Not wiping my butt with my hand and leaving the kitchen dirty because I can't be arsed to buy cleaner. And the financial anxiety means I'm a superb saver. He just sounds like he is being tight with you specifically.

Get him to transfer his % in advance. At least until you have decided how you want to proceed....

When you say you helped him close his accounts do you mean you helped pay off his debts?

Why live with him, just buy your own property and see your boyfriend when you want but no need to share your space with him. where was he before you moved in together,

What on earth does he spend his money on?

Just echoing what every one else has said, I hope your deposit is safe!

Don't have children with this man.

Ikea do toilet brushes and holders for 75 pence (misses point of thread)

Please tell me your position of the house is safe? Yes he sounds really immature, I'm not sure buying a house with him was your wisest move.

You bought a house with him

Using yours and your mum's money......how exactly was it with him?

Don’t pay for anything for him.