Anyone have a friend who is perfectly nice but .......

[nailclippersandmince]

For some reason they do your tits in.

I'll probably get flamed but I need to get this off my chest a bit. This person, let's call her Charlotte, is nice, kind, funny and yes I do like spending time with her but I've come to realise when I have any contact or communication with her I'm a bit tense.

When I leave her company, I feel myself relax and find myself ranting about all the small things she's said or done that irk me. When I get a text or a WhatsApp from her I feel myself tense up.

I find her a bit all consuming and smothering I think.

@thighofrelief101 Eh, competition?

I personally cannot tell the difference with behaviours , I am not as sophisticated as others. Unless they are running at me with a knife and then I'm fairly sure! I work on the basic principles that i should help where and when I can and be nice to people. That's all. I can see for some it is not as easy as it is for others and some have greater demands on their time. I'm not looking for beef. I am starting to see why people join this site and then leave the day after. Geez, I'm about to follow their lead.

You clearly have a lot on your plate and I did not mean in any way shape or form to undermine or belittle you. I apologise sincerely if that's how my post came across to you. That is not what I meant at all. I did not want to leave this thread/site before clarifying that. It does clearly show however that none of us really ever know what others are going through and that's ultimately what I have been trying to say. I help where I can because I can.

I hope your friends are there for you to support you and that you are receiving all available resources to help you.

Elizabeth - I was being a little lighthearted.

@thighofrelief101 oh, see I told you I wasn't good at behaviours!

Right. All the best to all. My Mumsnet weekend has been been an experience I'll give you all that! It's right up there with . Well .. let's leave it at that. I don't want to start the week by getting sacked for been on here.

Peace 🤟.

Spot on Rubarb tea

I'm convinced everyone has a friend like this, and everyone IS that person to someone else. It's just the way people are.... I guess it's a balance of knowing when someone does like you vs when they are freezing you out, and how to be a caring friend while also having boundaries and not getting over invested in friendships which are not reciprocal.

Yes exactly - respecting others personal boundaries - no one has the right to crash through anyone else’s. Of course people with MH issues may miss the cues - but most people will allow this and it is also for those to be supported to work on improving their skills so that they get better at reading situations and to avoid getting hurt and imposing on others.

But I don’t think anyone wants to freeze anyone out - they just want to get some balance - but if “Charlotte” chooses not to respect boundaries repeatedly then that is all you can do.

Charlottes are tiring and hard work. Some days/evenings you just don't want to be texting/on your phone. Some days you just can't be arsed with inane chat. It's not like Charlotte won't see you, you can catch up at the group meet up. Charlotte would annoy me too!

It's such an interesting one ... we all have a different idea of what too much or enough contact with friends is. Hard to strike that balance.

thighofrelief101
I heard the idea of radiators and drains, which I think is a good way of monitoring friendships:
Radiators are those people who give off warmth and love; drains deplete one of energy and positivity.

nuture and care for your radiators, and avoid the drains!

The radiators and drains thing is so accurate and an interesting way of viewing friendships - as well as relationships with family members, some of whom may be toxic or draining.