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Original poster

Devastated about photos I’ve found- am I over reacting?

35 replies

Goodmum1234 · 03/01/2019 23:52

I have been relaxing, looking through photos from our summer holiday on an iPad. Our phones and iPads sync together and so sometimes photos taken on one device will end up sometimes shared.
I’m flicking through photos where husband has taken some of me, the kids, the views...then there’s one of a very attractive, thin woman in a bikini with her son. Then more of me the kids etc. But then more of her, her bent over making sand castles with her young son, her walking to sea, her finally leaving.. about 12 in total, mixed in between about 45 of us. I’ve never noticed before bit now I have. It’s completely floored me. Am I overreacting? I’m so upset. I could never have seen my husband doing this sort of thing. What would you do? Btw I’m mega overweight atm and that’s the real gutting thing, it’s almost like some of the photos are a comparison.

OP posts:
chestylarue52 · 03/01/2019 23:56

Try and leave aside the weight thing for a minute.

Why is he taking photos of a womam he doesn't know, without her permission? In amongst his family photos?

It wouldn't be ok if she was 9 stone or 19.

potatoscone · 03/01/2019 23:56

Your husband is a dirty pervert. I'm sorry.

Original poster
Goodmum1234 · 04/01/2019 00:01

I’m gutted. I can’t believe what I’ve seen

OP posts:
PinkFizzz · 04/01/2019 00:04

Aside from betraying your trust, taking photos of a woman he doesn't know without her knowledge or consent is fucking pervy and gross.

ElizabethMainwaring · 04/01/2019 00:08

You aren't over reacting. This is horrible. You need to talk to him, though lord knows what he'll say. Don't let this get mixed up with your self esteem issues about your weight either. This is his problem. So sorry op.

PenguinPandas · 04/01/2019 00:08

Wouldn't be happy at all and would question him.

Also wouldn't be happy if I was the photographed woman either. Had a man come up to me in the gym and told me he had taken a photo of me bending over and it was creepy. He claimed it was because he was concerned I wasn't bending over correctly and he wanted to improve how I bent over and said he would delete photo but seemed wierd to me.

IdblowJonSnow · 04/01/2019 00:09

Wow. I would be gutted too. Sorry op. It's pretty odd that a) he has done this, and b) he's just left them where you can see them? He has no respect for women in general in doing this, never mind for you. Flowers

thisusernameisrubbish · 04/01/2019 00:13

That's so creepy and the fact her child is also in the photos and she's innocently playing with her son. SO wrong on so many levels and must make you feel not only bad about yourself but creeped out that this is the man you are with. I would maybe keep an eye on other photos and see if this is a one off or regular thing but eventually I would confront and explain how you feel.

PenguinPandas · 04/01/2019 00:13

Did he have any contact with this woman other than photos?

12 is a lot to take without her noticing unless they are from behind etc.

2019HereWeCome · 04/01/2019 00:16

Take screenshots of the images and the dates/times and then confront him. Ask what his views are on being photographed without his knowledge or consent or what he'd do/how he'd feel if some man did the same to his daughter. Then show him what you've found.

TheVanguardSix · 04/01/2019 00:20

What a creep. Poor you. I’d feel exactly the same if I were in your shoes. God, at least he could have edited the child out before reducing this innocent mum to wank fodder.
Ugh.
I’d be so incredibly upset. And I’d have no problem coming right at my DH with both barrels, if I were you.
There’s just NO excuse. Flowers

Rachelle3211 · 04/01/2019 00:20

I would feel so betrayed and grossed out... I'm so sorry...

FlosCampi · 04/01/2019 00:25

Are you sure they are actually from his camera roll? I mean, is it clearly time stamped, evidently the same beach etc? You can end up with watsapp images you have received, downloads etc mixed in with pics you took yourself. Or did one of your children borrow his phone and wanted to take pics of another child who had a lovely toy car or a swimsuit like they had? I'm not minimising the potentially upsetting perving, but don't panic: there could be an innocent explanation. Ask!

Seaweed42 · 04/01/2019 00:27

There could be an explanation, a work colleague could have asked him to copy them to a drive or something. This woman's partner perhaps.
Look at the dates on the digital files and see when the photos were taken.

GalacticChickenShit · 04/01/2019 00:52

He's not the only pervert. Some good responses here... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2911923-to-be-upset-about-photos-on-husbands-phone

Banana1979 · 04/01/2019 00:52

I doubt its work colleagues as op clearly says the woman was on the beach from their summer holidays so unless his work colleagues joined them on their holiday its most likely her partner
How old are your kids could it have been one of them? If not id confront him and let him know how hurt you are and that you noe feel disgusted that he could betray you in this way and make u feel unattractive and that u feel disgusted for violating that woman's and her sons privacy. Dont listen to excuses. Im sure he isn't gods gift himself
I would question whether i could continue a relationship after that
Sorry

Fatoni · 04/01/2019 01:07

GoodmumFlowers, Have pm'd you as I have experience of this Sad

MaryDollNesbitt · 04/01/2019 01:45

I'd thrust the damn iPad at his head him and ask him to explain why he was being such a skeezy pervert! Angry

What a fucking creep! Christ. The woman was at the beach simply enjoying some time with her little one, and here's this fucker snapping not one but TWELVE secret pictures of her to chuck in his wank bank for later. What the hell is wrong with him?! Absolutely vile behaviour!

Donkdonkgoo · 04/01/2019 03:24

I'm not sure I see this in the same light as everyone else.
This is the sort of thing my ex would have done and laughed about.
I would then have laughed and called him a perv.
Are these pics a secret stash to hide from you or just part of the holiday snaps batch?
I always used to find surprise pics when looking at them once I got home. I'm not condoning your husbands behavior but all men look at other women, they are lying if they say they don't. This is just a step away from men perving at women.
On holiday I once I took some pics of the kids and accidentally ended up with a number of hot male lifeguard pics 😊😳😎

sofato5miles · 04/01/2019 03:28

I wouldn't be bothered. But then i love watching eye candy on a beach myself.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/01/2019 03:36

he’s a disgusting creepy cretin OP, and he is SEEDY AS FUCK ?!

ElizabethMainwaring · 04/01/2019 07:29

Very odd replies from Donk and Sofa. It is in no way acceptable to photograph strangers without their consent. Especially to 'perve' over. Yuck.

Bezalelle · 04/01/2019 08:22

Mucky git. Get rid!

Redskyandrainbows67 · 04/01/2019 08:25

Are you sure they didn’t get mixed up by accident - by Bluetooth or something?? That would be my assumption.

ElizabethMainwaring · 04/01/2019 16:55

I think that this needs a bump.