Sister trouble (wedding related)

[sisterinsanity]

Posting in relationships to hopefully avoid being mauled on AIBU!

Just wanted to get some outside opinions on this. It's my sister's wedding in the summer and instead of a hen do, she's having a family day out, which is nice. What's bothering me is that she is inviting my ex along, saying that he's family and 'became family the minute I had my son'. I get on well with my ex so that's not really much of an issue except that I actually I have a new partner of a year who she hasn't invited.

I've said that my ex doesn't particularly expect an invite to the 'hen' do and that I'm not really happy with him being invited and not my partner, she just said 'he is part of the family'. AIBU to think this is quite weird? I don't expect her to necessarily invite my partner to the hen thing but inviting my ex and excluding him?
She also sent my ex a Christmas card and gave me one separately but not to my partner.

For context, she and I have a somewhat fractious relationship, she's really lovely at times but often not very friendly or pleasant. She's asked me to be her maid of honour, which I've agreed to do but she has a really funny attitude and is quite rude when it comes to making arrangements etc. It's pissing me off.

Partner was not included on wedding invite either, and getting her to reply when I questioned that was like pulling teeth. She eventually said that both my ex and me can bring a plus one. Which is fine really but it's just the way she says things. I don't mind my ex being invited, he is a nice guy and if she's fond of him that's fair enough and it won't be awkward for anyone him being there. But the whole thing still seems a bit odd.

I know she's not that keen on my partner as she said she feels he puts on an act and is too huggy. I think this was just nerves though (he tends to get extra loud and chatty) and I told him about the hugging thing, he wasn't aware she dislikes this and doesn't hug her in greeting anymore. He's very even keeled and just lovely all round really so he hasn't teeth offence and has continued to make an effort e.g. at Christmas. Obviously she doesn't have to like him but he's done nothing wrong and it feels like she's being deliberately unfriendly and also quite disrespectful to me.

Anyway thanks for reading . What do you make of this?

Quote "I want to spend MY hen do with my family. [Ex] became part of that family the minute you had [DS]. I will not apologise for inviting who I want to MY hen do."

She's expecting me to organise this of course.

Would I bollocks be organising her hen do if she insists on your ex being there! Would he actually want to go?

I’d tell her to piss of.
She actually sounds like she resents your happiness!

If she's so particular I'd leave her to organise it.

She's clearly making a point and I'd be annoyed tbh. Fine to invite your ex, bit weird but whatever, but you've been with your DP a year and he's your choice of partner and she can be a grown up about including him. Do you live together? Is your ex seeing anyone?

No, I would not be organising it. I would tell her she is being deliberately rude to your partner and if she can’t accept him then you won’t be going either.

I wouldn’t actually go to the wedding or a family hen day out without my partner in this situation-she’s being a bitch.

I hope I’ve got the wrong end of the stick here but, reading between the lines, it sounds like she really doesn’t like you.

WTAF???
That is all just sooooo weird.
I too think she resents your happiness.
And I would NOT be arranging the hen do if my Ex was invited but my current partner wasn't.
No way.
And she could shove the MOH thing right up her arse as well.
I fucking hate bridezillas!!!!
Rant over.
Sorry just angry on your behalf.

No no no no no

Wtf?
No way should she have invited him to a family day out... wedding evening do after checking with you first of course... where is her loyalty?!

She sounds like a right piece of work.

GCAcademic it often feels like that. She has a massive chip on her shoulder tbh. I know it's only one side of the story but I've tried so hard to be a good sister, but one minute she's lovely and the next it's the cold shoulder. Also I didn't say this because it just sounds bitchy but I'm pretty sure I'm only her maid of honour because she has no friends to speak of.

What do you intend to do, @sisterinsanity?

I'd be confused and hurt if I was in your shoes.

She needs to accept that you have a partner.

Think you really need to have it out with her before you do any planning

@Holidayshopping I don't know. If I kick up too much of a stink it won't end well and will just cause stress within the family. Very close to saying as nicely as possible that I don't think the maid of honour thing is working out (subtext: because you're a complete nightmare), but I'm pretty sure that would be unforgivable in her books. I want to be kind because the wedding is a huge thing for her, she has lots of issues and she wants it to be perfect, understandably. She has a lot of jealousy towards me which she acknowledges is her issue not mine. But I think if I don't toe the line she will think I'm spoiling her one special day and it will fuel yet more of this.

You're on a slippery slope with that logic though. How batshit might her demands get?!

I think inviting your ex and not your partner is pretty unforgivingable too OP

But she would say it's her hen do, not mine and it's a family thing, she doesn't consider my partner family. She doesn't know him that well yet (or seem to want to get to know him) so why should he be there? This is her logic.

He invited her and her fiancé to come round to his house one evening, for him to cook for all of us but that was never taken up.

Have you thought that this is less about your partner and more about you?
Whoever he is would be irrelevant to your sister

She sounds like she puts thing is boxes
‘Family/not family’ and is unable to blur the lines for anyone

There are rules and she sticks to them

It’s her hen do and of course she can invite who she likes however you don’t have to organise it. Would your ex actually want to attend? If I was an ex I would find it mighty weird to be invited to my ex SIL hen do and politely decline

But I think if I don't toe the line she will think I'm spoiling her one special day and it will fuel yet more of this

How many more months of her ridiculous demands are you prepared to put up with though?

Better to pull out now and tell her why.

Well, I've just said to her that I think it's best if she organises it herself. Awaiting reply .

What was she like with your ex when you were still with him?

She was fine with my ex. She liked him. No issues really.

She can be a fine with your ex as much as she likes but he is EX for a reason. Your reasons should take priority over her idea of ‘family’

@StoorieHoose I agree. Just replying to a PP's question .

Does she think you and your ex should still be together.
Does she think you should run your life the way she wants you to?
Hmm, back off from the maid of honour duties definitely