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Original poster

Is this an innocent friendship she has with DH?

60 replies

greenpearl · 27/06/2007 22:36

We were getting ready to go to dh,s office party and he told me 5 mins before we left the house that a new girl had started working in their office a few weeks earlier and the other girls werent being nice to her.

He said that he had felt sorry for her being new, that she was nice and had gone out to lunch with her a few times.

He was only telling me this,he said, because some of the other female staff thought he was having an affair with her. He assured me that this was untrue.
I was a bit confused by it all at the time and said nothing much.
However,as the night progressed, she clearly fancied him and his female staff were telling me to watch out?!

Opinions please?

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 27/06/2007 22:38

i think it's him you need to speak to.... no point harbouring suspicions

uberalice · 27/06/2007 22:40

You'll know him best, but how likely is it that something's going on? Why not warn him that you've noticed her attention (and his colleagues too) and that you're not comfortable with him being too friendly with her.

NikkiBFG · 27/06/2007 22:40

Mm...I wouldn't be happy at all if it was my DH doing it...

Bring the subject up while viciously cutting up a carrot with a mahoosive kitchen knife....that should get the point across!

mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 22:41

She can't be unfaithful to you, he can. Be wary.

lisad123 · 27/06/2007 22:41

Question is do you trust dh. Is he normally the sort to help out people in trouble? He sounds like his just trying to be noce to me, but i would suggest you explain to him that your concerned this girl might be getting the wrong idea and just to be aware.

HTH

Original poster
greenpearl · 27/06/2007 22:43

Hmm, he says there is nothing in it.
But why would his female colleagues warn me, I dont know them that well? Doesnt make sense. No smoke without fire and all that?

OP posts:
aimeesmummy · 27/06/2007 22:43

Would you consider her more attractive than his other female colleagues? Women can be incredibly bitchy and territorial at work and there might be some jealousy that your gorgeous husband has been out to lunch with her and not those tittletattling old harradians...! Also, did she speak to you when you met her? How was she with you? Fine or slightly nervous? And how was dh when you spoke with her? Fine or a bit nervous?!

Original poster
greenpearl · 27/06/2007 22:47

No they are all about the same sort of age etc.
She was giddy/maybe drunk and over friendly. Unnervingly confident around DH.
One of the colleagues said get her in the loos and smack her! (I did not)

OP posts:
Tortington · 27/06/2007 22:48

i'd tell HIMquite plainly that should he mess around i wouldnt waste my energy on either of them. quite frankly if he doesn't love me enough to think about my reputation whilst ts very evident for all to see the sexual tension, then there has to be some serious thinking.

i can and i have put up with lots throughout my marriage but infidelity is not one of them. its an absolute. i bring it up now and again and DH always always thinks he has my reactions nailed with some " i wuldnt dar, you would rip mi cockoff and chokeme with it" type response. when in reality i wouldnt give him even a look his way. the door would be locked, the phone numbers would be canged, i would be off with the children stopping at a relatives, and the solicitor would be instructed tos ort everything out.

i woulndt ever enter into conversation with him. he wuld be dead to me.

i thinkyou will find this is far more threatening to some people who like to be able to purge thier guuilt on drama and fighting, on begging and pleading. however as a catholic and half jew i do guilt extremely well. so he would live with his forever.

perhaps you should bring this up over tea?

lucykate · 27/06/2007 22:48

his female colleagues were warning you because in an office environment, there is nothing more valuable than juicy gossip. if he is trying to be nice to her, he needs to be careful as to what is deemed appropriate and what is not, particularly if he is her superior.

Original poster
greenpearl · 27/06/2007 22:51

Shortly after, we were at a friends house one evening and my mobile rang.
The girl on the end of the line snapped at me to put xx on (my dh's name), I know he is there,she said he was supposed to meet me but hasnt turned up. She wouldnt say who it was.
He looked bemused when I handed him the phone and said I think you have the wrong person.
Now call me suspicious but odd. I didnt recognise the voice. Could that just have been a coincidence?

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 22:53

But why would she be ringing your mobile? Does sound weird that she knew your dh's name though.

Original poster
greenpearl · 27/06/2007 22:56

Custardo, he knows that if I ever caught him cheating he is out, end of story. Much the same as you.
The type of job he does involves much travelling away and presents plenty of opportunities for someone to be unfaithfull if they wished, so this is an absolute issue of trust.
These are just a couple of things that have niggled at me over time and its the first time I have discussed them.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 27/06/2007 22:57

If she rang our phone, look up number and ring her back. Is sounding a little odd now
Anything else, has he changed at all?
l

Chipstick · 27/06/2007 22:57

Suspicious? Are you joking me? If some woman called and said my husband was supposed to meeting her world war 3 would happen in my house!

Original poster
greenpearl · 27/06/2007 22:59

Couldnt get the number. I was pg at the time too so swept it under the carpet so to speak.

I really dont think I would know if he has changed. Dont think he has.

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 23:00

But surely if anything was going on the last number he would give out would be your mobile number?

aimeesmummy · 27/06/2007 23:01

custardo... I love your windsurfing can't be ased thingy on your profile!!! Exactly what I think! Who the hell has time or energy for hobbies?!

Original poster
greenpearl · 27/06/2007 23:03

Oh lordy, i am really am fessing up now. Around the same time I found a girls phone no in his pocket after a big night out he had with his friend. I went ballistic about it.
He said they had a dreadful meal at the restaurant and the waitress had given them her no to try and sort it out with the manager the next day.
You know what, even as I write that I find myself shaking my head, I am a fool arent I?

OP posts:
sparklygothkat · 27/06/2007 23:04

I wonder if the call was for someone else, why would he give your number if something was going on? Does he have a common name? I actually have answered my home phone and someone has asked for XX (DH's name) and its actually been a wrong number

Original poster
greenpearl · 27/06/2007 23:04

mumto3 exactly what I thought. Must be a coincidence?

OP posts:
aimeesmummy · 27/06/2007 23:04

Right, laydeeez.... do any of you have MALE friends? None of you? At all...?? I have male friends who I meet on a one-to-one basis. A couple of them are very very good close friends who I've shared ersonal stuff with. Ex dh also has very close female friends. You ARE allowed friends of the opposite sex, surely????????
Although the phone call sounds very odd, especially as she got into a strop.

lucykate · 27/06/2007 23:04

maybe you need to talk to your dh about this?

controlfreaky2 · 27/06/2007 23:05

you clearly have suspicions. you need to talk to him.

lisad123 · 27/06/2007 23:05

Your not a fool, but does sound like you need to have it out with him

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