Is this an innocent friendship she has with DH?

[greenpearl]

We were getting ready to go to dh,s office party and he told me 5 mins before we left the house that a new girl had started working in their office a few weeks earlier and the other girls werent being nice to her.

He said that he had felt sorry for her being new, that she was nice and had gone out to lunch with her a few times.

He was only telling me this,he said, because some of the other female staff thought he was having an affair with her. He assured me that this was untrue.
I was a bit confused by it all at the time and said nothing much.
However,as the night progressed, she clearly fancied him and his female staff were telling me to watch out?!

Opinions please?

Personal. I really should wtch m tyoing. That should say "I really should watch my typing".

To add my five pennies worth. He only mentioned it to you because he knew that his colleagues would perhaps. Obviously he's being very attentive to her otherwise others wouldn't comment on it. Don't let this eat away at you - discuss it with him and tell him how it's made you feel. I'm trying not to put too much onto it - but my H swore blind he was just friends with his colleague - turned out they'd been already having an affair for a year when I had my doubts confirmed. I trusted him completely. Discuss it - don't let it fester. I'm sure it's all innocent but the doubts are already there for you and you both need to sit down and clear the air.

Aimeesmummy, actually no sadly I dont anymore.
Used to have a lot of male gay friends, they were fantastic company. All the men I know now are married and would not be allowed out.

Yes i have a few close male friends who i see with and without dh. I difference is he knows when im out with these friends.

Aimeesmum - no I've never been out for a meal with on a 1-1 basis with another man nor has my husband been out with a woman.

I think this is slightly different though and not just a situation of mates going out for a meal.

My alarm bells would definitely be ringing.

I do think it's a real shame when that happens. One chap I meet up with won't tell his wife he's out with me, always says it's a work drink or something - whereas I ALWAYS told (ex) dh who I was meeting and where we were going. Absolutely no reason not to

You see if they are good enough liars, you would never know would you?
Which is where I started from in the first place.

So what are the signs ?

trip, trap, anybody?

Mommalove, thats why I was suspicious in the first place. He was only telling me in case someone else did.
He also whispered it to me in the kitchen when our friends had arrived assuming I couldnt get mad I suppose.

I never told dh who I was going to lunch with, male or female, unless he asked in which case I'd say. Has he been unfaithful in the past?

Wendy NO absolutely not. I am shocked you could think that! Why?

I am a bit confused about how long ago these various things happened (the office party, the mobile phone incident and the number-on-a-piece-of paper incident).
I must admit that it looks a bit suspicious to me. Not sure why. Maybe you should try to find a way to discuss it with him.

Which I appreciate, thank you Mommalove.
Its nice to be able to ask these questions that you wouldnt dream of asking your RL friends as they all know him. I would be v.embarrassed.

Wendy, I have to admit I did look up Greenpearl to see how long posting etc as also thought list of events were slightly strange.

They happened a few years ago, which you may think daft to bring up again.
But we are not getting on at all well at the moment and I think you find yourself looking for proof of something/a reason why we are having trouble and hoping its not what you secretly dread.
Does that make sense.

Oh for gods sake I am not a youkowwhat. I have changed my name recently. My sister and rl friends come on here and I am not prepared to talk about it with them.
If you want me to go I will !

Thank you
God thats awful. I have watched that happen to other people but never imagined someone would accuse me of being one. I am completely not. MN towers know who I am and my usual name.

I agree with Mommalove, particularly why did he not say at the time "I took the new girl out for a sandwich today as the others were being unwelcoming"?

I also feel he was getting his excuse in first, so that if the others told you ...

I've been all through this with my ex, the thing that really made me come to my senses was how extraordiarily over friendly she was being to me - without quite making direct eyeconact.

Sorry if this is negative, but I think you need to speak to him about it.

Have any other behavious changed, not the obvious ones like best pants, more aftershave than usual, coming home from the pub'with a mate' smelling like he's just showered but things like changing the make of shirt/tie/pants/socks he's always worn (if he's a creature of habit), having his eyes lazered (yes really, she didn't like hime with specs on)or suddenly helping his new work friend Dave with DIY/odd jobs at the weekends etc (Deborah actually!) It was only afterwards all these things came clear and I couldn't believe I hadn't wanted to/couldn't see them.

greenpearl - just wanna give you my support here. Why are there so many doubting MNs around. It's horrible to see that there are genuine peeps asking for help and if you haven't got strict dates or hard evidence people doubt you, especially if you don't want your personal life on your profile for all to nose at.

No advice for you really as I am suspicious of everything with my DP as he cheated a few years ago.

You just need to find out for sure I guess to know 100%....just ask him and if you do have this 100% trust thing, you should believe what he says!

HTH???

Flippin heck. The eye laser thing came up again two weeks ago!
Sorry alycat if it dredges old stuff up for you.
I must be incredibly naive. I would never have thought of those things. I am off to inspect his underwear box under cover of darkness. God help me if he wakes up and spots me Lol.