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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it me or is DP a dick?

65 replies

SocksAndBumbles · 02/01/2019 20:39

Back story to the argument is I have one brother who has mental health issues, very violent and has a diagnosed schizophrenic disorder.

He has been in and out of prison a lot, mainly to do with assaults etc. On the outside he sounds vile but deep down he's lost, tormented and sad. We are very, very low contact. My mum has tried to give him all the help she can but even she has had to distance herself.

Anyway, NYE, my brother went out and got beat up seriously badly (broken eye socket, cheek bone and has a bleed on the brain) by so called "friends".

My mum is understandably upset and the fight broke out outside her home. My mum is very house proud, the sweetest lady but fiercely protective of her children (me included).

DP has very extreme opinions on everything and is very marmite but also hates my brother.

Anyway, the guys who beat my brother up saw my mum outside today, sweeping leaves off her drive and having a general tidy up. One of the guys smiled, laughed and waved at my mum who is almost 70. I am furious with rage, fair enough take it out on my brother but my ^mum?
^
I told DP and he burst into laughter and said respect to them, they have balls and it's your mums fault because your brothers a cunt! Angry

Next thing a huge argument has blown up, I'm saying hang on - my brother is a total arse but he's 38. My mum doesn't deserve to be intimidated! More laughter by DP.... followed by well that's what happens when you have a son like that...

I've saw him in a totally different light Shock now I'm in bed really sad that he shows no empathy towards my mum, when she goes over and above for him. My mum left DP a little birthday cake and card on our doorstep today as she didn't want him to be without a card on his birthday (tomorrow).

OP posts:
Theluggagerules · 02/01/2019 20:50

Yup he's a dick

peekyboo · 02/01/2019 20:50

One comment and you see his true colours.

Nothing your mum has done as a mother would give your brother schizophrenia.

What are you going to do?

Apileofballyhoo · 02/01/2019 20:52

He's an arsehole.

Original poster
SocksAndBumbles · 02/01/2019 20:54

He's stormed off to bed and I'm just sat on the sofa thinking.

I put it into perspective for him and said "ok, your daughter (he has a 6 yr old) has diagnosed schizophrenia, a traumatic childhood through no fault of your own, turns out like my brother has. Does that make it OK for someone to intimidate you?

His response "well no, because it's different with a little girl"

He said he finds the whole situation funny. What the fuck is wrong with him? It's his birthday tomorrow and we're on holiday the day after. Argh.

OP posts:
LordNibbler · 02/01/2019 20:59

What a vile man. I don't know how you could sleep in the same bed as him after this. Your poor mum.
You say he has extreme views on a lot of things.....so it sounds like you already know he's a twat.

DaphneFanshaw · 02/01/2019 21:01

He is a dick. I’m sorry about your brother and your poor Mum.

Newyearbollocks · 02/01/2019 21:02

Cunt!

Smellbellina · 02/01/2019 21:02

I couldn’t be with someone who treated my mum like that, it would be the end for me

CathyBigBalls · 02/01/2019 21:04

I really couldn’t be with someone who not only laughed about something that upset me, but when that thing was about my mum too!. I’m not a huge fan of FIL, but I’d absolutely never do anything like that!.

DoctorDread · 02/01/2019 21:05

Nope. He's a cunt.

LaughingCow99 · 02/01/2019 21:06

Maybe he thinks your brother deserves to be assaulted because he has assaulted people? I don't think he was laughing at your mum, I think it's more about your brother getting what your partner felt he deserved.

Sarahjconnor · 02/01/2019 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StartingGrid · 02/01/2019 21:10

I couldn't get past remarks like that, that's unforgivable in my eyes. How is he towards/about your Mum generally? Flowers for you and your lovely Mum.

TeaStory · 02/01/2019 21:10

Nice try LaughingCow but he said the OP’s mum deserved it.

OP, he’s an utter dick. I don’t think I could come back from that.

Original poster
SocksAndBumbles · 02/01/2019 21:12

I feel like sometimes I'm a bit sensitive so I always wonder whether I'm just being exactly that, sensitive. I'm so protective of my mum, she's my world and I would walk to the end of the earth for her. The relationship between them is great normally.

The trouble is DP opens his mouth and doesn't care who he offends.

Every single time we have a small disagreement or argument he just goes to sleep. The guy is such a tit.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/01/2019 21:15

Why are you with this guy ?

Dickensnovel · 02/01/2019 21:18

Is there a reason you're still with him?

Stereomum · 02/01/2019 21:18

Vile twat.

Original poster
SocksAndBumbles · 02/01/2019 21:21

I'm still with him because I guess I have turned a blind eye to the extreme views, he's so protective of me and he supports me unconditionally. The reason he hates my brother so much is because of the things he's done to me. He pushes me to be the best version of myself I could be.

However, I'm so protective over my mum that this has cut deep. Why/how can he just fall to sleep after a disagreement?

OP posts:
marvellousnightforamooncup · 02/01/2019 21:21

My cousin has similar issues to your brother. I don't think I could get past it if DH said what yours did about my aunt.

whatsthepointthen · 02/01/2019 21:21

Even if he thought it laughingcow he should keep it in his head!

How long have you been with him op?

Original poster
SocksAndBumbles · 02/01/2019 21:23

For example, if I didn't like the colour black I'd just say "not my thing, too dark"

DP is very "oh my fucking god, it's soul sucking and grim. It's the worst colour ever, don't even think about buying that in black. It's absolutely crap"

OP posts:
Original poster
SocksAndBumbles · 02/01/2019 21:23

We've been together three years

OP posts:
MilesHuntsWig · 02/01/2019 21:23

Wow, that's really horrible and insensitive. Does he have any empathy at all? Do you think he genuinely cares for you or is trying to push you to be the best person you can do it reflects well on him?

ChristmasFlary · 02/01/2019 21:25

I actually think he has shown a really nasty side to him and l don't think l would want to be with someone like that.

You need to decide if this is a game changer for you too, we all have different limits.

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