Is it me or is DP a dick?

[SocksAndBumbles]

Back story to the argument is I have one brother who has mental health issues, very violent and has a diagnosed schizophrenic disorder.

He has been in and out of prison a lot, mainly to do with assaults etc. On the outside he sounds vile but deep down he's lost, tormented and sad. We are very, very low contact. My mum has tried to give him all the help she can but even she has had to distance herself.

Anyway, NYE, my brother went out and got beat up seriously badly (broken eye socket, cheek bone and has a bleed on the brain) by so called "friends".

My mum is understandably upset and the fight broke out outside her home. My mum is very house proud, the sweetest lady but fiercely protective of her children (me included).

DP has very extreme opinions on everything and is very marmite but also hates my brother.

Anyway, the guys who beat my brother up saw my mum outside today, sweeping leaves off her drive and having a general tidy up. One of the guys smiled, laughed and waved at my mum who is almost 70. I am furious with rage, fair enough take it out on my brother but my ^mum?
^
I told DP and he burst into laughter and said respect to them, they have balls and it's your mums fault because your brothers a cunt!

Next thing a huge argument has blown up, I'm saying hang on - my brother is a total arse but he's 38. My mum doesn't deserve to be intimidated! More laughter by DP.... followed by well that's what happens when you have a son like that...

I've saw him in a totally different light now I'm in bed really sad that he shows no empathy towards my mum, when she goes over and above for him. My mum left DP a little birthday cake and card on our doorstep today as she didn't want him to be without a card on his birthday (tomorrow).

He pushes me to be the best version of myself I could be.

Really, though? Surely the best version of you is a ton more compassionate than he is. Are you totally sure he isn’t one of those partners who views you as a project that needs improving?

He’s worse than a dick. Your brother has a serious mental illness which is no one fault.

I honestly wouldn’t want to spend any time with him. He isn’t protecting you. He is controlling you or at least trying too!

Your mum doesn’t deserve to be intimidated and your brother is a vulnerable adult who needs help, compassion and empathy even if that has to be from afar.

I think the burst into laughter and respect to them part tells you what you need to know....

What a vile human being....

When someone shows you who they are believe them!

He’s disgusting

I'm really upset. He has no idea what he's done wrong. He's sulking.

I've blown it out of proportion. Apparently.

Awful. You were right in your thread header - he's a complete dick.

And that, I think, is where the worst of the problem lies. It’s not just that he is dickish and thinks a 69 year old woman being intimidated by thugs is hilarious, it’s also that he has hurt you with his behaviour and digging his heels in rather than trying to understand why you feel like you do.

Total and complete dick.

He is disgusting. Cruel, heartless and vile. I hope you can find a way through this, ideally involving getting rid of the toxic cunt.

I don't think I could carry on with a relationship like this. I am honestly gobsmacked. Cut your losses and forget the holiday etc.

@TeaStory you've articulated exactly how I feel but I couldn't find the words.

He doesn't even want to find out why I'm upset or offended. He doesn't care because I don't share the same opinion of the situation as him.

It's a shame you can't take your mum awY on the holiday and leave him behind. I think I'd spend tomorrow cheering your lovely mum up and leave Mr Sulky to celebrate his birthday on his own.

He's being the dick, not you.

It should matter to him that you are upset.

How old are you both?

How awful.
He may have locked himself into a position where he’s too stubborn to actually apologise and be empathetic. I’m guessing he’s the type who is always right.... (in his head)

I think you need to open your eyes OP and give your head a wobble.

he's so protective of me and he supports me unconditionally
That's what he's made you think, when in reality He doesn't care because I don't share the same opinion of the situation as him.
He's controlling of you - not 'protective'.

Why/how can he just fall to sleep after a disagreement?
He can sleep peacefully because The trouble is DP opens his mouth and doesn't care who he offends

So he makes offensive and hurtful comments and doesn't care that they hurt you.
He doesn't care enough to have a grown up conversation about it and modify his behavior.
He also lies - saying it would be different if it was a 'girl' yet look at his attitude towards your mother. Is she not female suddenly?

Ditch him after the holiday.
He's not a keeper.
Imagine if you had a son together and they got the schizophrenia gene and ended up like your brother - is this how he'd treat them?

While your DP sounds a bit of an idiot, I’ll be devils advocate here . You say your brother is violent but deep down is a tormented soul- that’s probably the case for a lot of violent people.

You say your DH hates him because of what he’s done to you. Does that mean he’s been violent to you? Does your mum always defend her children even when they’ve done awful things? I know some people who do that and it doesn’t help in the long run and to an outsider is effectively like they are condoning violence.

He thinks it's funny? What a sick fucker.

My brother is like yours. My husband has never shown anything other than empathy and I would assume kept his own council at times.

Your partner is immature, mean, nasty, lacks empathy and is cruel, he is laughing t the difficulties your family are facing and enjoying your mothers torment.

Whatever your brother is, your partner is a deeply unpleasant person.

Your partner is not a good man

He is disgusting and I bet he is also very controlling.

I couldn't get past his comments. He is horrible.

I feel so sad for your Mother, what a lovely woman.
Just an awful thing to say. Nothing remotely funny about it.

LaughingCow Do you have mad cow disease? Seriously, a man with severe mental illnesses enough that he's antisocial is usually due to psychosis and should be in an inpatient secured facility versus prison but I digress. Go borrow an ounce of empathy

Ffs, yes because it's your poor mothers fault that your brother was born with a horrible MH condition. It's not like she caused it ffs. How is it different with a little girl? Because she'd end up getting hurt more than hurting others through her psychosis?

Get rid. Absolute bastard.

You say he supports you unconditionally yet he has treated your mum appallingly. There's no excuse whatsoever for his disgusting behaviour. His dare he?