Is it me or is DP a dick?

[SocksAndBumbles]

Back story to the argument is I have one brother who has mental health issues, very violent and has a diagnosed schizophrenic disorder.

He has been in and out of prison a lot, mainly to do with assaults etc. On the outside he sounds vile but deep down he's lost, tormented and sad. We are very, very low contact. My mum has tried to give him all the help she can but even she has had to distance herself.

Anyway, NYE, my brother went out and got beat up seriously badly (broken eye socket, cheek bone and has a bleed on the brain) by so called "friends".

My mum is understandably upset and the fight broke out outside her home. My mum is very house proud, the sweetest lady but fiercely protective of her children (me included).

DP has very extreme opinions on everything and is very marmite but also hates my brother.

Anyway, the guys who beat my brother up saw my mum outside today, sweeping leaves off her drive and having a general tidy up. One of the guys smiled, laughed and waved at my mum who is almost 70. I am furious with rage, fair enough take it out on my brother but my ^mum?
^
I told DP and he burst into laughter and said respect to them, they have balls and it's your mums fault because your brothers a cunt!

Next thing a huge argument has blown up, I'm saying hang on - my brother is a total arse but he's 38. My mum doesn't deserve to be intimidated! More laughter by DP.... followed by well that's what happens when you have a son like that...

I've saw him in a totally different light now I'm in bed really sad that he shows no empathy towards my mum, when she goes over and above for him. My mum left DP a little birthday cake and card on our doorstep today as she didn't want him to be without a card on his birthday (tomorrow).

Your DP sounds boorish but I'm more concerned for your mum. Can you report these guys to 101?

What heebyjeeboes said.

1. Controlling.
2. Narcissist
3. Your over reacting aka your fault.

I'd give this one the boot super quick

He’s a nasty piece of work. I think this would be a deal breaker for me.

Red flags flapping here OP. You sound like you have the measure of him but for me the bad would outweigh the good. He sounds hard work and a massive twat.

How exactly are his remarks and behaviour supporting you at this time?

Me again

So we're en route to the airport for our holiday, we have 24 hours travelling ahead of us. Lots of time of thinking.

So I'm 28, he's 36 and has one DD. I have non.

We don't really argue, once a blue moon and he rolls his eyes, yawns and goes to sleep declaring he can't be arsed to argue anymore. Even if we have a small disagreement it's the same response.

It's starting to make me think how on earth are we supposed to have life changing events together, which, inevitable cause tension and may lead to arguments. He just closes down and tells me he can't be arsed to argue and falls asleep.

We're joint tenants in a rental property, we share a car and I have no where else to go really. This is my little home, what I worked so hard to make home. I don't have any friends, I can't worry my mum anymore than she is currently. Argh.

For example, this morning... I left the front door unlocked whilst having a shower (I thought I'll do it after I've gotten out) and he comes home unexpectedly and says the door is unlocked! What are you doing?! So I shouted back "I was going to do after my quick shower" now he's sulking cause I shouted. I'm tired.

He sounds an utter bellend tbh.

I'm fighting a losing battle that will get worse eventually, won't it?

What if we have a child have a clash in parenting one day, he'll sulk.

What if we don't both love the same house when going for a mortgage? He'll sulk.

What if he wants a dog and I don't? He'll sulk.

He's my first partner I've ever loved with every inch of me

What if we have a child have a clash in parenting one day, he'll sulk.

Eek! No OP don't have a child with him. He is an utter knob and will only get worse.You can do much better.

He's an utter dick, there's no other word for him.

Even if he thought those thoughts about your brother, why would he think it funny that a 70 year old woman was intimidated by thugs?

And on the other hand he says it's different for girls, yet doesn't see it's different when it's an older woman who has been picked on and intimidated.
There must have been some other things that you haven't noticed about him with this kind of attitude, laughing at a threatened woman like that doesn't come out of the blue. Perhaps because your mum means so much to you it's hit you hard, but perhaps he's done something off before?

You're super young, you deserve better than this. You have no children, cut your ties with him and move on to someone with some empathy before it's too late.

I've always known he's very cut throat with his views and doesn't care who he offends. I've never personally felt it before until the other day.

How do I actually get the courage to leave? How do I actually say it's done? The sulking is becoming a real problem

Are you working? Do you enjoy that? Are you friends with your colleagues?

Any hobbies? If not start some. You can get out there and change things.

Even a shared house would be better than what you're living with.

I'm a HR advisor on awful wages, I couldn't afford the whole house running costs on my own. I'm applying for other roles but I'm tied in with a training agreement with my current employer and struggling to find an employer who will transfer the course/pick up the costs.

I don't have any hobbies, it's sad because I frequently get told I'm so bubbly/kind but since falling out of contact with friends, I haven't been able to pick any up. I have work colleagues but it's not quite the same.

He's all I know

And you fell out of contact with these friends because of him?

Don't let any of the background shizz keep you with this utter muppet OP. He's a cock. Most of us have at least on of them in our past! Get him gone. You will feel relief I promise you!