Peeved with FIL for proposing free holiday then changing his mind

[MadChicken]

FIL suggested taking both his grown up sons and families (Incl MIL, 2 daughters in laws and 5 grandchildren) on a skiing holiday as a birthday celebration during school holidays. He offered to pay for entire trip. My SIL has health issues and is not able to travel easily and would certainly not be able to ski. Everyone suggested that it might not be that much fun due to SIL’s health issues and also for whoever has to stay back at the chalet and look after the younger DCs. FIL saw sense and realised that a skiing trip with no nannies and baby and two toddlers prob wouldn’t be the most fun ever and has now suggested just taking his two grown up sons. SIL will not ‘allow’ her DH to go. She is v controlling and uses her poor health as a reason for her DH not to do things outside of home eg see his friends, go to work Xmas do.

FIL then proposed just going skiing with his 2 sons. Timing has also changed as FIL has realised that it’s cheaper to go during school term than half term. I work full time and my DH usually does half of drop offs / collections as it’s impossible with the hours I work to do everything. So now a giant paid family holiday has turned into my DH going skiing with his dad for a week while I stay home with DC and do everything! I’m also annoyed that my SIL feels it’s okay to over rule her husband going and I’m expected to be okay with it. Would you feel peeved? Any amazing suggestions for how to move forward or do I just sound like a grumpy bitch?

You're definitely being unreasonable - what's wrong with your husband enjoying a potentially final holiday with his dad?

^Completely agree

Hampsters... it’s not about the week and DH not being at home. DH travels a lot for his job and is away overnight every few weeks so I feel like I pick up the slack at home quite often anyway. I don’t begrudge him spending time with his dad but I’m peeved that it was ‘sold’ as a family holiday and is now obvs not. That wouldn’t piss you off a little?

Also, it’s def not a ‘final’ holiday - he’s only 69!- just the last time that FIL thinks he’ll be able to ski safely. We go away with them in summer often as they love spending time with our DCs. So lots of opportunities for future holidays just not alpine ones

Sorry you sound grumpy and entitled! It’s quite clear hour father-in-law wants to go skiing!! Why should he pay for a different sort of holiday because that would suit you better? He wants to go skiing with his sons - it’s only for a week for goodness sake so suck it up for your husbands sake. Building memories with our parents and loved ones is precious.

How old are your DC? Could they go to grandma's for the week? Seems the better of all the options.

I’m sorry but do you actually read what you post - it’s not a final holiday...it’s just the final time he might be able to go skiing which is what HE wants to do?

Id have no problem at all dh going on this sort of holiday. However as logistically it would be difficult to do term time both he and I would tell FIL we could only do it in school holidays.

I know having the all expenses paid holiday waved under your nose was enticing indeed, who wouldn’t? And now having that taken away is a blow. I’d be disappointed too. And please don’t think I’m poking you with a stick.

But.

I think you’re being a little unfair. A father wants to spend time with his sons. And it could potentially be the last opportunity for a holiday of this nature. For a week. Yeah. I’d let it go. And ultimately it’s his wish and his money. I think it’s a lovely gesture and he’s clearly tried to accommodate the family as a whole. I’d let it go.

Alternatively I’d suggest to your OH that time should be set aside in the near future for a holiday just for you, him and the kids. More personal. Get the trip you want.

Good lord, not the "he'll be dead"
I'd definitely be peeved as their fun negatively impacts on you.
Find a way to make it work though.
I am loving the ship the dc off to mil 😂

Agree with maximum above, except that I think you're overdue a break of your own given that you said

DH travels a lot for his job and is away overnight every few weeks so I feel like I pick up the slack at home quite often anyway

How about booking a trip just for you for at least part of half term, on the proviso that DH will take time off to cover the childcare and everything else?

I think anyone would be grumpy at having a free skiing holiday for all the family whittled down to a week of solo childcare while DH goes off to have a nice time! The nice time does actually sound like a positive thing that should happen, but it's now sitting in contrast to the fab holiday OP thought she was getting. I'd be a bit peeved too.

OP, YANBU!

Noleslie > nope, eldest DC is at school and totally not able to even miss half a day without medical evidence. Baby is only 18 months and too attached to me and too young for MIL to be much help.

YABU and quite frankly selfish. You're peeved because you were expecting a free holiday. The holiday on offer wasn't suitable. So get over it.

Your FIL wants a week with his sons skiing... you don't want your DH to go basically because you're pissed off that you won't get a free holiday. Don't dress it up as you can't cope without him for a week (especially if you already do have to cope when he works away) . A week won't kill you, and when FIL is dead, your DH will be grateful for this week they spent together.

As per pp, bank a trip yourself, a spa weekend or whatever and leave DH to sort the kids then.

You need to let DH go. Don't make this about you.

Butteryparnips > good idea and lord know I could do with the break but still breast feeding the little one. Will take up your advice as soon as DC2 is off the boob! 😉

You said your PIL do loads of babysitting for SIL. How come, therefore, MIL is to ‘dodderry’ to help you out in your opinion?
Contradictory.

I'm in a similar position except FIL expects us all to go skiing with him and to pay for ourselves - I'm pregnant and my SIL has a 1 year old so clearly the intention is for us to spend a fortune to go away and then babysit whilst the men ski... or the alternative will be for the women and children to stay home.
Regardless of who is paying, it is unreasonable to expect everyone to work around him when it causes problems for you. I agree with a PP who said to say it's absolutely fine as long as it's in school holidays and even then you're doing him a favour!

I'd say it has to be in holiday time, as you can't manage the baby and the picks/drops without DH. That's a fair compromise.

Your DH needs to tell his dad that term time isn't going to work.