Do I ruin everyone's new year?

[whyisthissodifficult]

First time poster, but long time lurker.
It's the usual story, I thought he'd change. Well he hasn't and I've found out today. I will most definitely LTB, but do I do it tonight and ruin the evening for everyone, given shit storm that will ensue?

Depends. Are you safe? Do you have to leave or will he? If you have to go then do you have anywhere to stay?
I’m sorry.

Yes perfectly safe, I imagine I would have to go as he won't leave easily. I have wonderful friends but don't really want to impose on them tonight :(

How do I get through the evening though?

Whose house is it? Surely you could arrange to stay with a friend for a day or two until you can get legal advice?

Why tonight? You would be imposing a bit potentially. If you are safe, just wait until tomorrow.

Wait, see a solicitor for advice if necessary, then let rip.

How you get through this evening depends on what you have planned.

It's a joint house, and I have a couple of friends who would have me in an instant, but they're having lovely cosy evenings with their DH's and feel utter shit just turning up with me and DS, shall I try and hold it in till tomorrow?

Are there children involved, do you co-own the house (If you do stay put)

Otherwise, If you don't want to impose on friends which if possible I think is the right thing to do although I'm sure they won't mind, why not do a quick search for a budget hotel B&B nearby. The big chains are unlikely to have anything due to parties but most people tend to party fairly locally NYE so hopefully you should find something.

Good luck

Wait.
Get everything order and do it in a few days if you can bear it.
Does he knows that you know?

Thank you everyone, no he doesn't know, but I am raging and need to be calmed down. I know it is the sensible thing to do to wait, but I am so fucking angry!

Is DS safe and happy where he is? Any single friends or ones where they are having a party? Can you find an excuse to get out just for tonight? Give yourself some space to think and get away for a bit.

Fake a migraine and get to bed early - stay safe: you’ll get through this x

If you were my friend and all I had planned for NYE was a night at home with dh, I would prefer that you came over for support than bottle it up and suffer in silence. I expect your friends will feel the same. A lot of people feel positively ambivalent about NYE in any case

If you are wanting to do it tonight as a big Fuck You to ruin new year you aren't doing it tonight for the right reasons. It's difficult to be calm and rational but it would probably be for the best to wait. I would certainly not be planning a conversation with DS in the house.

How old is DS? IF he's young, just pack a bag for the both of you, with all important documents/photos, and go. If he's older, pack a bag for both you, and then explain to him briefly, and then go.

You are worth more than this. You can't keep up this facade for ever. What you allow will continue, but I guess you know all this already.

Stay strong. You got this!

Can you book yourself in somewhere tonight?
How old is your dc?

I agree with pp, could you wait a day or two? Though you do need to go, or iy will destroy you.

DS is 12, we split up before and he was fine, I guess I just want new year to be normal, I will hold it in. He's messaging the girl tonight, I need to stop reading the messages as it's making me worse! I will be strong and not cause a scene in front of DS. Have messaged a couple of friends, trying to find out what they are up to, so might gate crash!

Bastard. You are too nice to say it so I will! I’m sure a friend would be more than happy to have you.

You need the cold anger not the hot anger to make the best success of leaving him. You can't do all the solicitor things for a few days anyway. I'd keep it inside, except for maybe a best friend, see a solicitor, ducks in a row and all that.

If he's not violent or emotionally abusive then why not save your pennies, stay in the house as long as possible while you get the divorce plans sorted. A big row and flounce aren't that helpful, unless you don't actually plan to divorce him but just want to make some noise.

I'd go to a mates house if I were you otherwise you're likely to blow your top. Make up some excuse like 'shit is going down with Suzy, she needs me!' Then make a plan of action. If you let him know you know now, he's likely to start hiding shit. You want to get your ducks in a row before you show your hand. Calm as a cucumber OP, calm as a cucumber 👍

I have a cosy night planned with my DH, and me and him both would be mortified to think one of our friends would stay in a crap situation so as not to intrude. I bet you your friends would be so happy to have you.

I held it in one new year but at midnight I remember coldly walking up to him and suggesting he might rot in hell before walking away

Thank you all for keeping me sane, I'm definitely in the 'hot' anger phase and not sure I will hold it in, but I'm going to try, why did he have to be so predictable, it's such a cliche