Is it me? Not sure

[1moreRep]

Hello and thanks for reading.
I entered into a relationship with DP in August and we have seen each other a lot since then.

Our relationship is amazing however there's a few things which i could do with a bit of perspective on.

He often comes round when my kids are in bed as i'm conscious of having time with just me and my DDs, so im usually in pjs (no make up) or we do a sport and il be in gym clothes no make up. He will see me in make up / dressed up about once a week.

A few times he has mentioned i'm not putting effort in my appearance and today he has said he's worried that if i don't put more effort in that he may stop finding me attractive.

He says sometimes it's like we're friends. However, it's me initiating sex most of the time. i replied that it's ok if he's no longer into the relationship and offered him an out but he said he still finds me attractive but if he didn't say anything the relationship would be in trouble.

Everything else is amazing, we are making plans for the future etc etc Is this normal- does he have a point?

He is brutally honest which i do struggle with but also appreciate.

He’s blanking you to make you feel like shit. Don’t let it work.

He didn’t expect you to tell him not to bother coming round as he expected you to start putting the slap in for him.

I'm on the dating scene, and personally wouldn't get so comfortable after only a few months as to regularly appear in my pyjamas. That's just me though.

A man who really loves you - or even just really likes you - wouldn't be running your appearance down like this. My DH used to say that I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen when I was fast asleep without a scrap of make-up and my hair all over the place.

You've been together only a matter of months and he's already running you down. I agree with everyone else. Run for the hills. This bastard picked up on your vulnerability and is trying to control you. Make 2019 a man free year. Focus on your DC, your confidence and do the Freedom Programme again..

It seems like he is trying to control you - wear make up, or I'm off! Who,the fuck does he think he is? You deserve better, which at this point is being in your own. He cannot be amazing. An amazing man would not make such hurtful comments. There's a difference between being brutally honest and being a complete and utter bastard.

Please listen to the advice on here.

Soon he'll be blaming you for his wandering eye too, because you 'let yourself go'.

My ex was never blunt enough to say he found me unattractive dressed down but I always felt he wasn't that attracted to me and it was demoralising. He reckoned he liked natural looking women (I never wear makeup or dress up) but yet he was messaging other women behind my back on Instagram - these women were always thin, covered in makeup and thought duck-face poses were appropriate when they're pushing 40 🙄. It made me feel less than worthy and shitty about myself. He made a lot of comments on what I ate too as he was very skinny (easier to carry off when you're ridiculously tall).
I also had to initiate sex which would lead to him making comments about me always being 'desperate for cock'.

The sad thing is that it was him that left me - not me walking out of him for being a knobhead. Don't end up like this, end it now while you can.

You really do need to keep on with the counselling, and perhaps redo the Freedom Programme, OP. You've only been with him a matter of months and you've rushed things with introducing him to your kids and everything.

hello all he finally messaged me this morning but i'm on my way round to collect my things

Good. Don't listen to a word he says. Just say you're not right for one another. Don't get sucked into justifying yourself. Best of luck with it.

He's starting to show his coercive controlling ways OP. Ditch him. Next time don't introduce him to you DC so quickly.

Collect and leave op.
It's the right thing to do.

Could you leave his things outside your door so you don't have to talk or see him?

He sounds very manipulative and controlling op. You poor thing. You deserve better.

Hope you got your things ok, OP.

Yet i know he would never cheat

i hope you got your things but nobody knows this about another person, certainly not after just 6 months.

I'm on the dating scene, and personally wouldn't get so comfortable after only a few months as to regularly appear in my pyjamas. That's just me though.

Me neither. And that's not because I think I should be primped and preened at all times (my men friends come over after kids are in bed and I'm usually showered and bare faced but dressed in clothes) but because after 4-5 months of dating I just wouldn't want to be at the slobbing about in pyjamas stage. It feels like the OP has accelerated the relationship forwards at 100mph which is so dangerous and careless, especially with children and especially after an abusive history.

It may not have been her driving the relationship forward at such a speed. But she's not really responding to questions about that sort of thing.