Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship problems

62 replies

Kan23 · 30/12/2018 18:41

Hi first time posting on here...
I moved to live with my partner 5 years ago, I was dreading moving 2 hours away from my family, friends & hometown. But felt I had to give it a try. I know 2 hours drive isn't that far but I miss my family so much.
I have spoken to my partner about how that I feel homesick but he has told me he can't moved because of his job. He also said I'm too sensitive & too close to my family & I've not tried hard enough to make this place my home.
I have suffered on/off anxiety & depression since moving, I try to see my family when I can but I work long hours which makes it harder.
I not sure if I love anymore, he nitpicks everything I do, he tells me I'm not allowed to smoke, I walk to slow, he comments on my accent & corrects me if I say something wrong. More recently it about the way I sit on the sofa, I'm not allowed to slouch or lay down, I have to sit up straight. He also complains about the dinner I cook, that it's not healthy enough, then he will sit & eat 3 packets of crisps later on. He asks me why I'm chewing gum & what I'm doing on my phone.
We haven't been intimate in months, I don't fancy him anymore...
Is he trying to control me???

OP posts:
Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 30/12/2018 18:44

Goodness, yes he is. Sorry, he sounds nauseating. I'm sure your friends and family will welcome you back with open arms if you want to move back home Flowers

category12 · 30/12/2018 18:46

It sounds very much like he's controlling, I should pack up and go home, if I were you.

MrsTerryPratcett · 30/12/2018 18:46

Yes he is. Go home.

Bananalanacake · 30/12/2018 18:49

Is it easy to move back to where you were before and suggest you don't live together but can still see him. But only if you want to.

Original poster
Kan23 · 30/12/2018 19:22

I could go home, I could hopefully get a transfer with work. Not sure if I would want to see him again after the way he is treating me

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 30/12/2018 19:24

Why would you want to see him? Lie on the sofa and enjoy not seeing him!

category12 · 30/12/2018 19:34

Your anxiety and depression is almost certainly down to being told off and criticised constantly. Leave him, feel better, have a happy life.

Dragongirl10 · 30/12/2018 19:55

Leave, why would you stay he's horrible!!

Thingsdogetbetter · 30/12/2018 20:12

Bloody hell. I've never been homesick in my life despite being in boarding school from 11, but I'd be homesick if I had to live with him!! He's a wanker. Run!

crappyday2018 · 30/12/2018 20:33

Move back home where you will be loved and appreciated. Life is too short. You gave up a lot to be with him and he's treating you badly. If you can get a transfer with work, its a no-brainer.

HollowTalk · 30/12/2018 20:35

You know what to do. Ask at work whether you can transfer. Tell them why. If they say you can't, then resign. Pack up your things. Wait until he's gone out then go.

He sounds absolutely awful.

bertielab · 30/12/2018 20:37

Pack up, sick off sick and go home. WTF -telling you how to sit? Divide and rule is the game of abusive men.

Go home tomorrow -start the new year without him.

Original poster
Kan23 · 30/12/2018 20:45

Thank you for your comments everyone, I know what I have to do! Sometimes I think I'm over analysing everything & believe what he tells me about being too sensitive.

OP posts:
category12 · 30/12/2018 20:53

What would he do if you told him to fuck off when he told you off for slouching?

category12 · 30/12/2018 20:55

I mean, honestly, who the fuck does he think he is? Your dad? Your etiquette teacher? What an absolute dick.

HollowTalk · 30/12/2018 20:56

Do you have the money for a B&B or an AirBnB? It would be a fantastic start to the new year if you could get out before or at the new year.

sue51 · 30/12/2018 20:59

Leave now.

Original poster
Kan23 · 31/12/2018 11:07

I could get a b&b but it's all my belongings that are in house & my pets Sad

OP posts:
trojanpony · 31/12/2018 11:20

He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t even like you?

I’d definitely leave.

Original poster
Kan23 · 31/12/2018 11:42

I told him a few weeks back I wasn't happy & wanted to go home, he said it's all my fault that we aren't intimate. Then he broke down & cried, he said he loves me & wants to try again. I felt sorry for him, then back to square one with the criticism.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 31/12/2018 11:47

Stop cooking him dinner.
He's a grown up and do his own if he doesn't like what you cook.
And make your plans to go back home.
He's an asshole.
He's a bully and he's abusive.
You don't love him.
Your respect for him has long gong.
Sooooo many reasons to leave.
Don't delay too long and don't let the fake tears win you around again.
You know what you need to do.
Time for you now.

ohwownosnow · 31/12/2018 11:52

I would absolutely get that transfer with work and go back home. You only have one life, it's too short to be spent with people like this.

candycane222 · 31/12/2018 11:54

He'll doubtless feel sorry for himself all over again, but that's his problem! If he can't, or more likely, won't, treat his girlfriend with respect, then he's going to have to get used to being lonely, isn't he?

Don't fall for it again, the tears are also part of his controlling behaviour. What he loves is having someone there he can control.

category12 · 31/12/2018 12:07

Put your energies into leaving.

Get a transfer, find somewhere to live back home, pack up and go.

rainbowstardrops · 31/12/2018 12:10

I'd be packing a bag

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.