Ex creeping round with a balaclava on

[Dextrodependant]

My ex has been harassing me, it's been going on for a year and a half maybe and the police are involved. He is due in court next month AGAIN, I have a non molestation order which states he can't come within 100m of my home. His bail conditions say he can't come within 50m I think.

I went out with an old friend over Christmas and we have become a couple. Ex has seen photos on someone's Facebook, (not mine, I have a profile under a fake name that is locked down.) And today he was hanging around mine with someone else both wearing balaclavas.

One of the neighbours took a photo and I have rung the police but they said they can't identify him from the photo.

I know 100% it is him. I recognise his clothes, I can tell from his body language/shape. But the police have said there is nothing they can do.

I just need a hand hold tonight, feeling a bit upset and alone with the kids. I will have to end my new relationship before it has even had chance to start. Can't risk the ex turning up and seeing him here. Just feel like I will never be able to move on.

That sounds very worrying for you. Do you have any other friends or family who could come round?

What an utter twat, how dare he scare you like this 🤬

Oh that sounds terrifying. Please keep any pictures or videos - if your neighbours would help you out with this, that's great. Can anyone come round and stay? Although this is very short term, and I hope it doesn't escalate.

I don't really want to drag other people into it. I have the picture and 2 videos saved and the police have a copy of the picture.

He didn't actually do anything which is a relief, I only know he was there because a neighbour saw him.

If I were you I'd put this in writing and send for the attention of the chief constable of whatever police force it is.

Have it documented...state your fears clearly...how you recognise his clothing and movement.

They may take it more seriously. If necessary send a letter to your local MP...make as much noise as you can about it.

Cowardly and calculated to intimidate you. If you recognise his clothes, do you have any old photos which show them and police could match up with new photo? Or if you see him again, could you ring the police again, you may get a different response from a different officer. He obviously isn't prepared to risk being identified and breaking the injunction so is probably just trying to scare you from a distance. What a creep.

I think you ought to move, ideally. Also, stop people putting pictures of you on Facebook - explain you have a stalker. Scary stuff.

Get a deadbolt for your door, keep windows locked. Get a motion sensor activated security light. Complain to the police, get a second opinion. At the very least they can go round and have a chat with him.

I would also try to send this upstairs as far as possible: rather than a call, an actual visit to the police station with any evidence you have. I know you don't want to involve the neighbours, but if you trust them, I would let them know the situation.
Yes, it is cowardly in the extreme and extremely worrying.

They said even if they arrested him and he was wearing the clothes from the photo it wouldn't be enough.

I am thinking I will have to move too though depending what happens in the court case.

He was convicted in January and got community service and didn't see it through because he ended up as a mental health impatient for a couple of weeks.

Can you move far far away? Granted I get you shouldn't "have" to move away, but it might be the only way to save yourself from him. I mean - 18 months this has been going on? That is frightening.

I'd be getting security cameras up too, they're not too expensive now. Work to your phone as an app.

a little bit of summary justice might change his mind, if someone posted to a local fb group about two guys sneaking about the neighbourhood in balaclavas i am sure the frenzy of outraged --villager's- posts would make him think twice about repeating his antics.

I agree you need to escalate this with the police.

Put in an email that you know it’s him, you recognise him and fear for your safety and the safety of your children. Copy your email to your lawyer. Ask the police why they won’t question him to check his complying with the bail conditions and non-molestation order. Tell them you feel threatened and want this escalated. Add that you will consider contacting the police complaints commission. Make them act.

Poor you OP. How fucking dare he.

Agreed with poster who suggested writing to the lead officer of police force, and your MP.
Sadly sometimes in cases like these you have to turn on people's arse covering and self preservation switches. Whoever shouts loudest gets heard.
Has an IDVA been attached to your case, as you have an existing non mol? They should be able to safety plan for you and also advocate to the police, courts etc for you.
Also contact Women's Aid or contact your existing worker from there.
For the future lovey, do the freedom programme if you haven't already, it'll give you a feeling of control in your future relationships.

I don't want to risk antagonizing him though, although he is blatant and doesn't care one bit.

He was arrested in January of this year for attacking someone with a knuckle duster. All because the person tried it on with me. He didn't even get any Where with me, literally asked me out on a date but he got wind of it and broke his jaw and ripped his teeth out in broad daylight.

I really don't want to move but unless I stay single forever it is never going to end.

You must delete your Facebook account. Why did you put photos on it with your new bf? You must be very very careful at the moment, for your own safety. Please try to get someone to stay at your house with you

What is an IDVA? I don't have a lawyer, I went to court and got the non mol myself. The first time someone from here helped me and the second time (the first one ran put it was for 6 months) I just filled in the paper work and attended court myself.

How do I go about escalating things, I literally have no idea what to do next.

Leslavandes I didn't. Someone else has put photos up with us in then and he has seen them. I don't even know who it was. We were at a massive event with lots of people.

Oh sorry. I misunderstood. Can you ask them to remove them, albeit a bit late...

The important thing now is you and your family's safety. Please try to get company in house

OP, if you haven't already, contact:
Women's Aid
Your local specialist Police Domestic Violence unit - not just any old local police officers
Suzy Lamplugh Trust

Him knowing your location is too risky.
He sounds deranged, hanging around with a balaclava on!
Move somewhere else, a new area, get a transfer at work etc..
it's a lot of hassle, but you won't have peace of mind staying where you are. You need to continue living your life, just not there.

I second @BlackBeltInPresentWrapping

IDVA. Independent domestic violence advisor.

Very sorry - what a dreadful situation for you
Does he have access to the D.C. - if not, would it be feasible for you to move?
I would ensure that your new partner was aware of all the aspects of your situation - at least give him the option of continuing the relationship, or not.
Do you think you know who the other person with him is? I'm surprised the Police not taking more to do with that - I would have thought that two adults wearing Balaclavas would warrant some attention. Working on the theory they weren't walking around too long, is there nowhere near you with CCTV (pre/post wearing of Balaclvas)?

50% of domestic stalkers (ex-partners) will act on threats and escalate their behaviour. The police are failing you and need to do more to ensure you’re safe.

Have you been in touch with the National Stalking Helpline or Paladin?

Don’t feel ashamed about bringing other people into to it. Let your neighbours be aware of some aspects of your situation. If my neighbour needed me to keep an eye out for her I would and I’m sure many other people would too.