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Original poster

Such a mess

61 replies

maryjorach · 29/12/2018 17:48

Hi, I've come here before for advice & everyone was amazing & helpful so hoping for the same. My bf of 4 years cheated on me nearly 2 years ago, I found out when she messaged him asking to meet up at a hotel. This disgusting home wrecker is a family friend (of his) & any parties or get-togethers she's there or her sister is. Last week there was a party & the sis was there & I blanked her because why would I want to speak to the whores family &... I GOT CALLED RUDE, apparently I made things 'awkward' & she felt she had to leave cos I didn't say hello...even my partner said he doens't understand why I'm rude to her but i have my reasons. Was I unreasonable? Thank you x

OP posts:
Graphista · 29/12/2018 17:53

You're completely out of order how do you not know this?

Her sister has done nothing wrong!

And yabu to only blame the OW, you've forgiven your partner or you wouldn't still be together.

And if you haven't why are you still with him? It's been 2 years. If you can't get over it (and I'm absolutely not saying you have to) then you leave your partner.

But it's your partner and OW to blame NOT the sister. Grow up!

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/12/2018 17:55

Yes, you were unreasonable and rude OP. You are also displacing anger that should be set squarely at your DP's feet.

Thingsdogetbetter · 29/12/2018 17:56

So you've forgiven your bf, the one who owed you loyalty? But still call the woman, who owed you no loyalty, a disgusting homewrecker and a whore? And you extend that misplaced anger to her whole family? I'd call you more than rude! Deluded, unhinged and a drama queen are terms that come to mind. You can't actually be serious???

Original poster
maryjorach · 29/12/2018 18:00

Her sisters done wrong? I know bloods thicker than water but she stuck up for her said the cheating was my fault and I should get over it...but I'm expected to say hello to her?

OP posts:
GrammarTeacher · 29/12/2018 18:04

Yes. Be polite and civil. Don't have to be her friend. You stayed with your boyfriend. You made that decision. It's over. If you can't 'get over it', that's also fine but then you are angry at the wrong person. You should be angry with him! But this was two years ago, the fact you are still with him means that most people will assume that you have worked through it.

Thingsdogetbetter · 29/12/2018 18:05

Again, if you're still with him and have forgiven him (i presume) then surely what the sister did would be easier to ignore. No one's asking you to be best friends. If you are going to be at the same parties surely a curt hello would be manageable? No to make her feel better, but to ensure everyone doesn't feel awkward.

AnyFucker · 29/12/2018 18:07

You are taking your anger out on the wrong people

A common mistake for those humiliated by a cheating partner who choose to "forgive"

Travisandthemonkey · 29/12/2018 18:09

Amazing that you can hold onto all this anger at the ow and her family (very odd) but you’re boyfriend gets off Scott free.

Your boyfriend was with you for 2 years and he had an affair with someone who will always be in your life in some way.
This is supposed to be the honeymoon period. Or at least the period when you work out you shouldn't really be with someone.

What a lucky escape that woman had

babbi · 29/12/2018 18:13

You are ridiculous... he was / is the problem not her or her sister ....
deal with him .... if you choose to stay then behave yourself socially

deepwatersolo · 29/12/2018 18:19

Wait, you are still with the same guy who cheated on you? Here‘s a suggestion: why don‘t you treat him the same way as the girl and her sister? Thinking of it, you should actually treat the sister better than those other two.

Travisandthemonkey · 29/12/2018 18:21

It’s all a bit Jeremy Kyle

BifsWif · 29/12/2018 18:23

So you’ve forgiven him, but not her?

And it was her completely innocent sister, not actually her that you blanked?

Yes you are unreasonable, and made yourself look pretty stupid in all honesty.

OhLemons · 29/12/2018 18:26

Yes you were unreasonable.

You still sleep with the man who cheated on you yet you can't even muster a hello to the sister of the woman he slept with?

Don't get your logic.

No2palmoil · 29/12/2018 18:40

Yep you were rude!!

maryjorach · 29/12/2018 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BifsWif · 29/12/2018 18:42

Truth hurts, doesn’t it?

AnyFucker · 29/12/2018 18:43

Off to Jeremy Kyle with you ! Grin

Original poster
maryjorach · 29/12/2018 18:46

I'm the bad guy yep. Been cheated on and spoken to like shit, have left the guy but remain friends cos we have a child but get called names becuase I'm not a walkover

OP posts:
MissyMoooo · 29/12/2018 18:47

Wow!! You asked for advice and because you're unhappy that the advice isn't what you want to hear... you sound worse than my teenager!

Lookatyourwatchnow · 29/12/2018 18:47

Well I wouldn't be polite and civil either, fuck that. But I wouldn't expect my DP to go to events where she would be there. Hypothetically of course because I wouldn't be in a relationship with him any more if he was unfaithful.

OhLemons · 29/12/2018 18:49

You didn't say he was an ex, you refer to him in your original post as "my boyfriend of 4 years" and "my partner".

Regardless, still no reason not to say a civil hello to the sister.

Travisandthemonkey · 29/12/2018 18:51

Why the holy fuck would you go anywhere near a party with any of them if you’re not with him

And you really need to work on your anger.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 18:51

OP for your own sake you need to find some peace.

The sister was loyal to her own sister over you, did you expect different?

You were wronged, but your behaviour two years later was absolutely appalling, petty, childish and aggressive.

You’re clearly not over it, so the relationship is dead in the water.

I’m not defending his cheating, it’s a shitty horrible moral-less thing to do, and for me, unforgivable.

BUT you either stay together and move on, or split. You can’t keep it going for years, and certainly can’t put a party up in the air on a whim.

Honeyroar · 29/12/2018 18:53

You're not explaining yourself very well here, or being very nice! People are confused.

Is he your boyfriend or your ex?
You didn't say that she had sided with her sister and bad mouthed you, you drip fed that.

AnyFucker · 29/12/2018 18:58

If he is your ex why are you still going to his family parties ?