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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Such a mess

61 replies

maryjorach · 29/12/2018 17:48

Hi, I've come here before for advice & everyone was amazing & helpful so hoping for the same. My bf of 4 years cheated on me nearly 2 years ago, I found out when she messaged him asking to meet up at a hotel. This disgusting home wrecker is a family friend (of his) & any parties or get-togethers she's there or her sister is. Last week there was a party & the sis was there & I blanked her because why would I want to speak to the whores family &... I GOT CALLED RUDE, apparently I made things 'awkward' & she felt she had to leave cos I didn't say hello...even my partner said he doens't understand why I'm rude to her but i have my reasons. Was I unreasonable? Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
maryjorach · 29/12/2018 19:00

Ex, but I'm trying to be civil and have zero support. Thought I'd find it here
I have to keep the peace and attend parties cos he threatens suicide if he ever loses me fully. Am sorry for swearing/anger but no-one understands

OP posts:
Travisandthemonkey · 29/12/2018 19:03

It sounds awful for you. He is still manipulating you
Threatening suicide.
I think you need to make 2019 the year you get this man out of your life for good and start doing what is right for you.
This is no way to live. All that anger is deeply damaging for you

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:06

Ok seeing that update OP, he’s controlling you by threatening suicide. He’s keeping you close and manipulating you. That is neither fair nor decent.

Cut ties, make contact about your child and nothing else. You deserve better. It sounds like your head is minced with his control.

AnyFucker · 29/12/2018 19:07

We do understand. He has fucked up your boundaries and he is still doing it.

"Threatening suicide" if you don't carry on like you are still a couple ? You are not able to detach as evidenced by your anger at the wrong people.

He was and is abusive.....yet you are the one acting like a crazy person both in RL and online.

The best thing you could do is go non contact with him. I expect you will tell me that is impossible though (it isn't)

SuperSuperSuper · 29/12/2018 19:07

She blamed you for the fact he cheated on you with her sister, and disparaged you? Frankly, I wouldn't be civil either. I'd ignore her!

That said, you shouldn't really have been there. Don't let this idiot bloke manipulate you. Go out with your friends instead, you'll have more fun and less aggro.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 29/12/2018 19:11

AnyFucker has it spot on, he’s driving you to behave in ways that I suspect you wouldn’t without him, he’s enjoying the control and messing with your head.

BifsWif · 29/12/2018 19:38

Please realise how much better you deserve and how much happier you’ll be if you cut this arsehole out of your life.

madcatladyforever · 29/12/2018 19:40

It isn;t the sisters fault but I'd have probably done the same.

Haffiana · 29/12/2018 20:48

have to keep the peace and attend parties cos he threatens suicide if he ever loses me fully.

Call an ambulance next time and walk away forever. Or carry on having your dramas with all and sundry.

The giveaway is you are even blaming this thread for your problems .

whatacarryon2018 · 29/12/2018 21:23

I think that deep down you know that you've been unreasonable. As other have said, you're displacing your anger. Of course her sister stuck up for her, it's her sister. That doesn't mean you have to be rude. Your anger here should be at your boyfriend.
As for your boyfriend threatening suicide, I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I've been there myself and it's horrendous. Ultimately though, your life is yours, you cannot be responsible for someone else's mental and emotional wellbeing. You're boyfriend has treated you appallingly and he clearly needs help. It's time to rally your family
And friends and walk away. X

Original poster
maryjorach · 29/12/2018 21:37

Thank you all for your help. I really appreciate it x

OP posts:
Original poster
maryjorach · 29/12/2018 21:38

I need to end this weird toxic 'relationship once and for all. I just know I'll get the blame if he does something to harm himself and I really struggle with guilt anyway because I have anxiety

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 29/12/2018 21:40

Are you going to take any advice you have been given here ?

AnyFucker · 29/12/2018 21:41

He won't harm himself. (more's the pity)

And if he did..he is a grown man who makes his own choices

bifflediffle · 29/12/2018 21:42

Detach. Don’t go to his family events. Make your own friends.

LaughingCow99 · 29/12/2018 21:45

Stop buying into the suicide threat. It's beyond ridiculous.

Duchessgummybuns · 29/12/2018 21:48

This all sounds needlessly dramatic.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 29/12/2018 21:58

If he is feeling suicidal (which he isn't) then that really is his problem.

Travisandthemonkey · 29/12/2018 22:00

Look
It’s not your responsibility
If you think he’s going to attemp suicide call the police every single time.
And it’s not mores the pity people. He might be a giant cunt but saying that doesn’t help the op

Original poster
maryjorach · 29/12/2018 22:07

#anyfucker yes I will take all of this advice and run with it. I know it's a cliche but new year new plans for me. I'll find my happy ever after

OP posts:
alansleftfoot · 29/12/2018 22:09

Get yourselves onto Jeremy Kyle

AnyFucker · 29/12/2018 22:09

I hope you do. Mainly it will involve fully detaching yourself from this dick.

Original poster
maryjorach · 29/12/2018 22:15

Alansleftfoot I've got too many teeth for Jeremy Kyle but thanks for your input

OP posts:
Travisandthemonkey · 29/12/2018 22:51

But seriously you do need to start thinking about your own happiness in life.
His mental health is not your fault

Original poster
maryjorach · 29/12/2018 23:02

Travisandthemonkey. I haven't been happy for years, feel the weight of the world on my shoulders sometimes. X

OP posts:
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