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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

am i being unreasonable - husband turns off baby monitor and things found on his phone

80 replies

bluebell1982 · 29/12/2018 16:54

Am I being unreasonable?

I have a constant knot of anxiety in my stomach. Yesterday I looked at my husband's phone (I know it's not right but I was so curious because things have been up and down between us). His facebook showed he had searched and looked at a woman's profile, his browser history shows porn and he follows random attractive women on instagram. He also receives sexually explicit/pornographic images/videos from the 'lads' via text message. I'm not overly concerned about any of them individually as I know some of this is just laddish behaviour but putting it all together - and the fact that I know these things aren't one offs, makes me feel sick. We have a 6 month old baby together. On top of that, I've had this ongoing issue with his recently where if he's in the room with our child alone he makes a point of turning off the baby monitor (it's not set up to watch him! It might just happen to be set up in the room he is in that's all). WHy make a point of turning it off? I have explained to him that it makes me feel uncomfortable as I can't understand a good reason why it will be in the forefront of his mind, he said there's something just a bit weird about a camera watching you. We had a big row about it and since then he has done it a number of other times. His response is he can do what he pleases. I have also brought up what I saw on his phone yesterday and all he's had to say about it is to try and turn it around making it all about him not believing that i've looked at his phone behind his back! never mind the stuff I found. All day he hasn't even acknowledged it. I feel like a piece of crap.

OP posts:
Truckingonandon · 30/12/2018 11:27

Yes, I'm perfectly serious. I could tell he was a man straight away simply because of his tone - condescending and patronising in equal measure.

DeepanKrispanEven · 30/12/2018 12:56

The anxiousness is telling you loud and clear something isn’t right

Anxiety is notorious for making you catastophise and see bogeymen that aren't there. Listening to instincts that are governed by anxiety is the road to major, major mistakes.

Needsomebottle · 30/12/2018 13:00

Have you ever watched him interacting with your baby on camera and either passed comment about what he's done or gone in to intervene? Even once? If so it may be as simple as that, that he felt criticised and so just wants to be left to parent without intervention?

headinhands · 30/12/2018 15:37

The anxiousness is telling you loud and clear something isn’t right

Jesus. I know lots of people who have anxiety. Shall I let them know that their underlying anxiety is actually valid and they should feel gripped with fear by everyday situations?

trojanpony · 30/12/2018 15:50

Christ on a bike - they are all out today.
To keep the peace I’ll clarify...

“Assuming you have good mental health, generally display sound judgement, are not diagnosed with, or suffering from; GAD, PND, depression or anxiety or an anxiety prone person in general, THEN the anxiousness is telling you loud and clear something isn’t right.”

Happy? Xmas Grin

Ps still think the husband sounds like/is behaving like a dick

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