Partner has just said he will have affair because I won't have sex with him...

[SoSad29122019]

We've been together 11.5 years and since the birth of our daughter 6 years ago my sex drive has gone. This has come from me developing an apron after being pregnant and putting on weight. I just can't bare to be in tight fitting clothing or for anyone to see my stomach. I cry most days about the way it looks and know it will only get worse as I lose weight as the skin gets saggier.

I lost 2.5 stone last year and looked so horrendous, I began getting fungal infections under my apron as it hung so low so gained 1.5 stone back so it's not so floppy. But now I feel fat again.

My partner is continuously pressuring me into having sex. Every night he's grabbing my boobs and trying to kiss me and I tell him to get off. We are still having sex, maybe once a fortnight or every 3 weeks but I feel so low about myself I can't face it more often than this. I had a high sex drive before having my daughter and this change has literally come around because I'm so ashamed of my body.

The more he pressurises me the more anxious I become about it and we now haven't had sex for 6 weeks. This morning he told me he was pissed off that we didn't have sex AGAIN and he was going to start having sex with other people if I can't give him what I need. I'm literally so upset I haven't stopped crying all day. I love him dearly and can't expect him to live without sex but at the same time I can't face being naked in front of him and can't stand the thought of him sleeping with someone else!

Please help me, my brain is fried and I literally don't know how to save my relationship 😭

Ok your husband is an arse for making that comment, it's not excusable but we all can make comments we don't mean when we're frustrated. Firstly he's obviously still very attracted to you and your stomach isn't an issue for him and that's fantastic. You can't let your stomach rule (or ruin) your life. There are certain positions you can do where your stomach isn't on show or obvious to you. Have sex in the dark. Wear a blind fold or him wear a blind fold. Perhaps let him know you'd rather he didn't touch you in particular ways, but do let him know how you'd like him to touch you. So you can't afford surgery right now, it doesn't mean you can't not start saving for it? If it's really important to you then I'm sure you and your husband can start putting a small amount in to save for it each week, it may take a while but at least you are working towards it. In the mean time focus attention on other things that make you feel good and sexy. Really try to stop making your stomach your focus. I definitely think you and your husband can get through this together!