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Original poster

Would anyone forgive this?

65 replies

whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:21

A COuple of years ago I had a knock on my door. It was 2 days before christmas. It was a social worker who demanded to come in to my house to see my children. Well it turns out someone had reported me. Understandably I was shocked, couldnt understand why anyone would report me. No enemies, No falling outs. Anyway the report was a malicious report proven to be lies, case was eventually closed but after an assessment which took months. Needless to say I was very upset and tried to get to the bottom of it as obviously there was someone in my life
I couldnt trust.

Turns out it was my brothers partner, very weird as never had so much of a disagreement with her. Infact we barely saw eachother. I stopped contact with her and my brother as he decided to stand by her, my mum also sided with my brother so havent had contact with them since.

Well recently my dad has been going out of his way to get me to talk to them again?! and I just dont get it? its like he doesnt understand the severity of what was done. I keep getting “its christmas” “its a new year” am I going mad?? surely no one in the world would forgive this? I am not going to forgive this but I just cant get why they seem to think I should.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2018 13:23

No. How did you find out it was her?

Unobtainable · 27/12/2018 13:25

It seems very odd that all your family have sided with her. Why was that? Did they give a reason? Did she say why she’d reported you?

VietnameseCrispyFish · 27/12/2018 13:26

If you’ve never had any tension or problems between the two of you I’d assume she thought she had a genuine reason to make a referral. Perhaps one of your kids said something to her or someone else that she’s misconstrued. If you knew she didn’t like you then I’d take it as malicious and wouldn’t see any reason to patch things up. But if you didn’t have any problems between you and she did that I’d take it she thought she was doing the right thing for your children and definitely forgive or at least move on and be civil.

How did you find out it was her though?

FissionChips · 27/12/2018 13:26

Maybe she didn’t have genuine concerns and the rest of your family do too (probably why they sided with her).

Some people would forgive, some wouldn’t. I suppose it depends what you think their motivations for reporting you were.

FissionChips · 27/12/2018 13:27

Did* not didn’t.

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:29

Not all the family. Me and my sister on one side, mum and brother and ofcourse her on the other. My brother is golden boy so mum will always side with him no matter what. My dad is in the middle. Ive never had a reason no, she blocked me
when I confronted her. ( social services told me who made the referral)

OP posts:
Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:30

Like I said it was malicious and the report was lies so cant be genuine concern if it was made up which was proven?

My kids have never spent any time with her so wouldnt have come from them.

OP posts:
Plink42 · 27/12/2018 13:35

Thought if u reported sumone to Social services it was supposed to remain confidential.
Very unprofessional of them to tell you who it was imo

Pagwatch · 27/12/2018 13:37

I would find it difficult to have no understanding whatsoever of why she reported you.
It’s an utterly bizarre thing to do if there was no reason/concern/grudge/fight.

Why do you think she chose to do that? And why would anyone side with her?

This is genuinely boggling

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 27/12/2018 13:37

No, I wouldn't forgive her. I wouldn't want to be in the same room as her.

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:38

I think thats only if you ask to remain anonymous I guess?

Like I said it was malicious as what was said was proven to be a lie and the case was closed so why on earth wouldnt they tell me who reported it? Either way dad is in the middle and has never taken sides he just thinks we should “make up” and “your mum wants the family back together”

OP posts:
FissionChips · 27/12/2018 13:40

why on earth wouldnt they tell me who reported it?

Because you might attack or cause problems for them?

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:43

I have no idea, I feel like ive never really got closure on it because it was so bizarre. My sister always states (she had a
closer relationship with her than me) that she looks down on everyone and think shes better than everyone. Even the report itself was strange, even if I was to believe for a
second that she had genuine concerns (which I dont) the report included things such as
“she doesnt answer the door to people” which was weird because I do Confused and I answered to the unannounced visit from social services. I dont have a
relationship with her and see her at family gatherings that is it. Shes never been alone with my children.

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 27/12/2018 13:45

I've had a similar situation and I will never have any contact with this person again. It isn't about forgiveness to me, it's more about it not feeling safe. If a dog bit me, I might not blame it but I bloody well wouldn't go near it again either. Also, I doubt she is sorry and that means that she thinks what she did was okay and might therefore do it again if she wanted to hurt you (and I suspect that a second allegation, even if false, would be harder to shake off).

If this woman thought that there was a problem with your kids, she should have spoken to you about it first instead of reporting you. The only exception would be if she had seen you abusing them, or had good reason to suspect sexual abuse. I very much doubt that this was the case here, since you were cleared.

OP, stay away from them. This sort of experience leaves scars and you don't want the wounds opening up again.

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:45

I havent seen her since* I only ever use to see her at family gatherings.

OP posts:
Klobuchar · 27/12/2018 13:47

Highly unprofessional of social services to tell you who made the complaint. If the social worker who told you has no understanding of how telling you wouldn’t help in any way and would only make things work (as proved by your posts) then they shouldn’t be in that job.

Klobuchar · 27/12/2018 13:47

**things worse

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:52

Thanks you DontDribbleOnTheCarpet for understanding. The things she reported werent abuse. An example is she reported me saying my daughter doesnt go to school. DD didnt get a place in any of the schools we applied for and instead go offered one miles away so I declined it which the council were fully aware of, and also dds paediatrician (as she has asd) we were in the process of appealing, which she wouldnt have known about as I dont speak to her. I was liasing with the council and she had just been offered a place at a local school after it went to a fair access panel. I had all the paperwork to show the social worker when she arrived.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:54

It hasnt made it worse? imagine not
knowing who you could trust? That would be worse as I wouldnt stop till I found out which im sure most would feel the same.

OP posts:
IAmRubbishAtDIY · 27/12/2018 13:58

I keep getting “its christmas” “its a new year”

Well it was Christmas/New Year when you were having to deal with this too, so that's a rubbish reason to say.

Littleraindrop15 · 27/12/2018 14:00

Tell your dad to back off I don't think it's coming from him but your mother is probably nagging him.

I wish we could ship all horrible people to one island. Your sil is weird and I would never go anywhere near her. Don't fall back into making happy families with them.

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 14:04

I dont get why people have sympathy for her being found out? THE CASE WAS CLOSED WITH NO CONCERNS. This ruined my christmas, It ruined my new years, I still worry when the door knocks incase she refers me again. Some people are just nasty people and get off on hurting others, Maybe she pretended to like me to my face who knows? I dont know what went on in her head. My dad doesnt have anything to do with her or my brother (not his son) my dad just think the family should get back together, he is just the peace maker.

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 27/12/2018 14:10

What she did was unforgivable. Can’t imagine why your dad thinks you should all be friendly again.

sundaymorningatwork · 27/12/2018 14:11

First, the statement above that you should approach the parents first is just wrong and not in a child's best interest.

Secondly, I am amazed it was not kept anonymous - giving information on the source surely disinclines people to raise a flag when there's a concern. It's not the case here, but if you had a violent father who the street was scared of, you can surely see the policy issue...

Finally, she did base the claim on something - it was just that she did not have the full details so misunderstood the situation. Social Services responded to it, found no issue, and all was resolved.

Therefore, her actions may well have been based on acting in the best interests of your children, which to my mind is entirely forgivable...

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 14:11

Yes its definitely from my mum, in my dads defence he is disabled and easily influenced by my mum. I know she misses my children but she made a choice. Just wish my dad would understand how serious it was.

OP posts:
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