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Original poster

Would anyone forgive this?

65 replies

whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 13:21

A COuple of years ago I had a knock on my door. It was 2 days before christmas. It was a social worker who demanded to come in to my house to see my children. Well it turns out someone had reported me. Understandably I was shocked, couldnt understand why anyone would report me. No enemies, No falling outs. Anyway the report was a malicious report proven to be lies, case was eventually closed but after an assessment which took months. Needless to say I was very upset and tried to get to the bottom of it as obviously there was someone in my life
I couldnt trust.

Turns out it was my brothers partner, very weird as never had so much of a disagreement with her. Infact we barely saw eachother. I stopped contact with her and my brother as he decided to stand by her, my mum also sided with my brother so havent had contact with them since.

Well recently my dad has been going out of his way to get me to talk to them again?! and I just dont get it? its like he doesnt understand the severity of what was done. I keep getting “its christmas” “its a new year” am I going mad?? surely no one in the world would forgive this? I am not going to forgive this but I just cant get why they seem to think I should.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 14:14

*Finally, she did base the claim on something - it was just that she did not have the full details so misunderstood the situation. Social Services responded to it, found no issue, and all was resolved.

Therefore, her actions may well have been based on acting in the best interests of your children, which to my mind is entirely forgivable...*

That was one example, she said my childrens teeth were rotten and they had never been to a
dentist. proven to be a lie

My children stay up till midnight. lie.

My children cant talk. lie.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 27/12/2018 14:15

With regard to social services yes they can be incredibly indiscreet. I once reported a nursing home I worked for as I was concerned about the food the residents were getting. Out of date and sub standard, pigswill basically, there were other deep concerns about care too aand abuse of foreign staff. The inspector told the matron who reported them and I was fired despite the claim being upheld and them being given a set time to improve standards.

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 14:18

She also said im mentally unwell, dont answer the door if people knock and block people on the phone. again all false. Im sure there was more but thats what I can remember.

OP posts:
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 27/12/2018 14:19

SS shouldn’t ever disclose or even make it obvious who reported it. To protect people making genuine reports. I reported someone I know because her children were and still are at very real risk, and by what SS told them, she knew it was me.

Petrol coming through my letterbox in the middle of the night was the first thing.

But in your case, no I wouldn’t forgive. Malicious complaints are just that, malicious, spiteful and also an enormous waste of a very finite resource, thus putting children in desperate need at risk.

Deadringer · 27/12/2018 14:25

What she did was unforgivable, but no way would i let that bitch come between me and my family. Difficult though it would be I would continue contact with my mum and my brother, on the understanding that I would not be forced into her company. She has done enough damage, don't let her take your family away from you and your DC.

CottonTailRabbit · 27/12/2018 14:53

Tell you dad that you'll consider contact after you get a proper written explanation and apology from SIL. Obviously you won't get one but it gives you something to say to your dad and gets him putting effort into the right place, i.e. hassling her not you.

NoFanJoe · 27/12/2018 15:04

Your SIL torpedoed the family, what a sick thing to do.
I wouldn't get over that, and I wouldn't get over the people who sided with her.
Your dad ought to see that the only hope for resolution is for those people to make the moves that acknowledge what was done to you, and that start creating some level of trust.
From what you've posted, I don't think they've done that at all.

MumsyJ · 27/12/2018 15:53

I'm pleased the case is now closed. I think your mum is trying to reunite the family because those reports and accusations were unfounded. My ex husband was his mama's golden boy and the sun shone out of his backside, so I totally understand with you in that department. As for your brother's partner, CUT TIES with, she's clearly some jealous and attention seeking drama queen. You have absolutely nothing to lose, her behaviour is unforgivable. I wouldn't even lose sleep over this if I were you.

Santaclarita · 27/12/2018 16:05

Can't believe some people are defending the sil. So what if SS disclosed the name, that's not ops fault. That's their fault, and it would be up to sil to raise a complaint if she gave a damn. Nothing to do with op.

To raise lies as concern to ss is cruel and manipulation. She wanted you out of the family. Dunno why, but she did. Why does it even matter if you don't answer the door? How does that impact a child's safety?

Shes insane and your family are as well for believing her. Leave them to it, they will eventually see her for what she is and come crawling back. But I wouldnt forgive any of them. Family should stick by family.

keenkaren · 27/12/2018 17:00

my dad has been going out of his way to get me to talk to them again?!

Say okay, with the first condition and topic of conversation to be why they reported you to SS.

PixiKitKat · 27/12/2018 18:05

Have you asked them for your information and your file?
You can put in what's called a Subject Access Request to the council and they should give you all information that is about you. They will redact (black out) other peoples information but maybe that will have some more answers for you?

Twisique · 27/12/2018 19:18

As suggested up thread, deflect your dad's attention on to the SIL by asking for a written and heartfelt apology, only then will you think about forgiveness.

usefulChianti · 27/12/2018 19:18

So sorry this happened to you and your children.

Regarding your father, can you meet with him privately and lay out your concerns and the evidence. See if he understands your position in no uncertain terms. Let it sink in and ask him to reply once he's had time to know all the facts and your wishes.

Is there no legal recourse for you against SIL? Malicious slander, masked as concern should not be swept under the rug for her to slither away without clear and legal reply.

Hope you get peace over this.

ISdads · 27/12/2018 19:24

Similar happened to me, but was forgivable as family member has mental health issues. So I understand the horror and shock. Honestly - your family sound hard work - golden child, appeasers, ignore problems etc. They just want you to fall back in line. I agree with other posters - ask for that heartfelt apology letter. You won't get it of course, but it puts the onus back where it belongs.

deepwatersolo · 27/12/2018 20:08

whatsthepoint the School thing does sound like she might have been concerned your kid doesn‘t go to school. You say yourself, she wasn‘t aware of the paperwork and admin you went through to get it sorted. If she does not know you well enough to ask, I understand why she reported. Doesn‘t sound malicious.

Whocansay · 27/12/2018 20:12

Never. Any of them. The betrayal is too big, and I'd not trust any of them again.

Clutterbugsmum · 27/12/2018 20:26

Of course it was malicious shit stirring. Normal reaction would be to either speak to OP and ask how the school issue was or speak to who ever told SIL about the school issues not phone SS and shit stir,

OP I'd tell your dad until you get a full explanation and apology will you or your DC be going any where near your brother and his wife.

OoohAyyye · 27/12/2018 20:32

Is there a chance your mum and brother were in on this?

beanaseireann · 27/12/2018 20:36

I could Never forgive my mum if she sided with the false accuser and your brother.

Exhsuatedmuch · 27/12/2018 20:57

No I wouldn't be able to forgive. I no longer see most of my family over awful things that were sided with. Those who decided to side with the ones in the wrong were invited to also leave my life. Biology is not a reason to forgive something.

heiheithechicken · 27/12/2018 21:21

So what if you don't answer your door ... it's your house Confused and if I can't be bothered to talk to someone on the phone I'll ignore the call. How does this make you a bad parent.
Has some of the info come from your mum?

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 21:36

deepwatersolo did you miss the other stuff I said she said? even with the school thing as other have said she could have tried to find out rather than just report me surely??

Im not sure who the other stuff came from, the social services made an unannounced visit just before xmas day and I answered the door so im not sure where that came from. Think she was just trying to stir, I dont know, its a weird thing to say and not an ss matter so not sure why she said it but not sure why any of it was done. Dont think I will ever get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 27/12/2018 21:43

Its been suggested to me before that my brother could have been involved, I wouldnt be surprised due to his actions tbh. It turned out she was pregnant shortly after it happened so I guess he didnt want to break up his little family. I dont think my mum was involved, brother is the oldest and just golden boy my mum has always made it very clear he is her “favourite.”

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 27/12/2018 21:49

Children can be homeschooled my son has bad teeth he isn't neglected he has sen which makes it harder to care for his teeth

SandyY2K · 27/12/2018 21:51

Sorry to say but your family sound dysfunctional.

I would actually be more betrayed by your mum and brother. This whole golden child business annoys the hell out of me.

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