Would anyone forgive this?

[whatsthepointthen]

A COuple of years ago I had a knock on my door. It was 2 days before christmas. It was a social worker who demanded to come in to my house to see my children. Well it turns out someone had reported me. Understandably I was shocked, couldnt understand why anyone would report me. No enemies, No falling outs. Anyway the report was a malicious report proven to be lies, case was eventually closed but after an assessment which took months. Needless to say I was very upset and tried to get to the bottom of it as obviously there was someone in my life
I couldnt trust.

Turns out it was my brothers partner, very weird as never had so much of a disagreement with her. Infact we barely saw eachother. I stopped contact with her and my brother as he decided to stand by her, my mum also sided with my brother so havent had contact with them since.

Well recently my dad has been going out of his way to get me to talk to them again?! and I just dont get it? its like he doesnt understand the severity of what was done. I keep getting “its christmas” “its a new year” am I going mad?? surely no one in the world would forgive this? I am not going to forgive this but I just cant get why they seem to think I should.

very dysfunctional but you cant choose your family, unfortunately.

I think you should tell your father that you will never forgive them for what they did, so he needs to stop hassling you about it.

Could your brother and sil behaviour have anything to do with putting them and them only in line for future inheritance?
With your dad not been his there could be concerns of who his share would go to.

Yeah, I missed the other part. Considering your kids never met SIL I do wonder whether she made it up or believed someone else‘s gossip. Is it possible your brother was mad at you and said some dismissive ‚Bad mother‘ stuff she heard, or she overheard your mom and bro gossip?
I mean maybe SIL is just crazy or jealous sonehow, but making accusations that can easily be disproven rather Sounds like taking mean gossip at face value. Might also explain why mom and bro are so protective, if they feel guilty talking crap they never believed would end up with social services.

Weird either way.

I would tell your dad enough is enough the answer is no and if he wants to keep a close relationship with you and the kids he will stop asking

Reading this should be enough to run a shiver of absolute terror down anyone’s spine. If this balmy woman had been modicum more intelligent the damage she could have caused may have been twenty times worse. The OP could have lost her children.

In my mind there is absolutely no forgiveness. None. The fact that some members of her family are siding with this mentally unbalanced looney is also unforgivable especially considering the whole thing was exposed as a pack of lies. Makes me physically sick to imagine a happy family being torn apart for no reason beyond spite. What an evil creature.

OP. I’m so sorry this happened. Count yourself lucky she was a moron. For your protection keep well away. If you are hassled make it crystal clear that you could have lost your beautiful kids. If they continue get a court order against them. Your children are the number one priority here. You need to protect them.

I think the idea of deflecting your deluded dad by asking for a written apology is a good one.

I dont think I will ever get to the bottom of it especially as she blocked me when I confronted her. It wasnt just a case closed thats the end situation. My son was ill shortly after the case was closed and when I took him to the doctors I was asked why I was under social services (I told the doctor I wasnt and explained what had happened) but it was still left on the system, as it was brought up again when I visited the gp a second time, I had to complain to get it removed.

As I said I still worry now that my door will knock again, and what it will be this time. It is very real that she could have got my children taken away if she had wanted to, its disturbing to think about. She did meet them but only at family gatherings, so she never spent time alone with them.

I think there is probably alot of truth to that deepwatersolo my mum is very judgemental and I can never do anything right in her eyes. I remember her visiting when my daughter was a few weeks old (I was pregnant when the phone call was made) and as I was changing my babies nappies she started crying for a feed so I began to feed her and hadnt put her baby grow back on because she had fallen asleep and my mum immediately began critising me, saying it was terrible I hadnt covered her up, she was a may baby, it wasnt freezing! Also I had an emcs with my baby and she was critising that I hadnt been out of the house yet (on day 5) and how she feels sorry for my son being stuck in the house all day. So yeh I can believe thats what happened.

What she did was disgusting and unforgivable! She could have ruined all your lives, no way would I ever talk to her again.

The only way I would even consider building bridges is if both your DB and her met with you and gave you a really good explanation as to why she reported you.
Tell your Dad that.
'OK, I'll consider it if they both apologise and give me an explanation as to why they did it. Once I've heard it, I will then make a decision on whether that is good enough reasoning or not. So I'm not promising anything but I will listen to what they have to say.'
There is no way on this planet that will happen so you can still come out seeming reasonable and they can then be the unreasonable ones.
And every time your dad mentions it after that you can say, I did tell you I'd consider it but I've had no apology and no explanation. Ball is in their court!
Job done!

whatsthepointthen

What did she say when you confronted her?

She never said anything, she instantly blocked me. I havent seen her since. My brother denied it was her despite SS telling me it was but she has never denied it.

I would never speak to them again... but I would be more hurt / angry at my mum. I find the side taking worse than what your SIL has done.
Your mum has sided with someone who has falsely accused her own daughter of neglect, and ultimately left you without the support or a relationship with your own mum.

Was she hoping SS would ask family (B & her) to take the children on if they took them from you?

What she did was unforgivable. You are perfectly right not to want to have anything to do with her. If your B and mother are backing her up then you are perfectly right not to want to have anything to do with them.

What have you lost really apart from a nasty critical mother, a nasty B and a bitch of a SIL?

You and your DC are much better without these back stabbing bastards in your life. Even at the cost of any 'inheritance'.

I think that one day you may be able to forgive her, although the fear of a repeat may never go away. However, sometimes it's only possible to forgive a person that you never have to see, the distance is what makes it possible. I suspect that seeing her and your brother will just lead to you reliving the whole thing and I doubt that will lead anywhere healthy for your mental state.