Not sure whether emotional affair and how to check deleted msgs?

[Paranoiasettingin]

NC for this. My dh has been texting a lot over the past few days ( since his office party in fact which ended late but I know he came straight home but cant say how I know here) Have checked his phone. There is a msg from him to a work colleague which doesnt say anything but theres no replies. I think he has deleted them. He has never mentioned her name before. I could be wrong but my spidey senses are tingling. He is jealous of a male friend if mine who goes to a club that I go to. We are only friends and thats it point blank. Im not particularly happy in my marriage. My question is how can I check if there are deleted msgs or is there anything I can put on his phone do I can check before hes deleted them? Hes never cheated before ( he would hate anyone to find out ) He doesnt really have the opportunity but he has lied about unrelated things before and so I dont trust him. I just want to be prepared incase this is something that could develop so that I can get my ducks in a row as I have 2 teenagers. He has said that he will leave me a few times but hasnt had the guts to ( I wish he would!- Im not in a position to) but he might if he found someone else as he doesnt like being alone. Any advice welcome. Thanks.

Bump

Get your ducks in a row anyway.

Have a look at the timeline on maps & see if he's been anywhere different or unusual.

Dyb, dyb, dyb - always be prepared.

whaddsup what do you mean by looking at maps? I havent got a tracker fir him and he doesnt use a car for work- any suggestions? This woman works very closely with him. Thanks for the replies anyway. Im assuming this isnt a juicy enough post for most people'

OP, post in Relationships. You'll get lots of replies and advice.

How do I move post to relationships please bendy?

We are moving this to the Relationships topic at OP's request.

Does he use WhatsApp?

If you don't have it then download it and you can maybe see when he's online.

Kik is another message app

Do you think the blank text was just to give her his number without saying anything?

I don't know how to find deleted texts.

What phone is it ? Google for instructions

call me he does use Whatsapp as do I so that is an option. Im going to pm to explain why it seems odd as I had thought of them just exchanging numbers.

Texts show on phone bills, so maybe avoiding that?

What type of phone doeshe have? If messages are deleted theyre gone but you could look and see if his gps is on and showing on his google maps. Mine does and basically shows where ive been every day and for how long

Was going to ask what phone he has ?

Why do you need to find out if he's cheating, if you're already unhappy in the relationship and wish he'd leave? Why don't you end the marriage anyway? What's the point of this?

If the message is still there but blank, surely that was what was sent and it hasn't been deleted.

I think there must be a major back story....1 blank message and you think he's having an affair and maybe leaving

cat not everythings black and white. I just want to find out if hes cheating. The advice im asking for is how ti check. As to other poster- no massive back story- sorry to disappoint! Prob sounds strange- I need to know so I can be prepared. He would be easily led by someone else ( never by me!) and I want to protect my and dcs futures as I know some women can be very crafty. He wouldnt think twice about putting someone else first if it meant he would look good in their eyes. Hope that makes sense. Texts wont be on bill as pay as you go!

The msg isnt blank but says a couple if words which dont tell me anything but I would have expected a reply. If u knew the words would make sense but cant say for fear of outing. My thread name is paranoia so am aware I may have got this wrong.

Infidelity makes no difference to the financial settlement or granting residency in divorce in the UK.

I realise that cat- Im well versed in the legalities. Thats not what I asked. I wanted advice as how to check msgs. Some posters have been helpful in this anyway but thanks for yr point.

OK then - it just seems to me that you're wasting your energy in this direction, playing detective and chasing through his messages. Life's too short.

But maybe you want something definitive to be the reason for splitting up or it being his fault? Seems like it's an unhappy situation all round if he's threatening to leave and you're wishing he would.

We will have to agree to disagree on that one!

What do you expect to gain from rootling through and finding evidence or not?

If you delete messages (iPhone) its easier to delete ALL the messages in the chain than cherry pick. So I would have expected his to be deleted too.
Plus if you were going to have an affair I imagine you’d give the contact a false name?

It is unacceptable to invade your partners privacy like this. You’ve already done something dodgy that you won’t even admit to regarding how you know he came straight home.

There is absolutely no excuse for such behaviour. If you are unhappy, leave. If not, learn to trust him. Refusing to do either of those things does not give you the right to invade his privacy.

bionic thats true- thanks I needed a bit if logical thinking.whattodo who said I had done anything dodgy?!? I just havent mentioned how I know. How many threads have you seen on here where partners check their dhs phones abd others have suggested they do in response? Fairly standard in these situations. I thought mn was meant to be supportive but some people just arent and have their own axe to grind I guess..