Polyamorous / Ethically Non-Monogamous Parents

[CharleeFarley]

Thought it would be good to have a thread for us non-mono / polyamorous / open relationship folks to chat about parenting, family life, relationships, etc.

Also a place for mono folks to ask legit, non-judgemental questions and for respectful discussion about non-mono life.

Pretty sure I can't be the only polyam parent on Mumsnet (right?!). Where's my tribe at? ☺️

Introduce yourself if you'd like to.

I've been polyam for about three years, have a long term partner and have recently started seeing another person very casually. I have three kids, two from a previous relationship and a new baby with my partner. We live separately but spend most of our time together (well, all of it at the mo, with a new baby!).

I have never known a polyamorous relationship work in the long term (4+ years) and I've seen a lot of kids caught up in the fall out.

How will you ensure that doesn't happen to you and your children?

I'm divorced a long time and keep my relationships well away from my (now adult or almost adult) children, because my relationships are unconventional and I don't want to cause them any societal difficulties. How do you manage friends of theirs coming over or school events?

Which of the triangle is the primary and are you "fluid bonded" (hideous term - aka shagging without protection)?

Polyamory tends to attract damaged individuals with a higher than average preponderance of MH issues, in those I've experience of. How would you ensure that no one is being taken advantage of or otherwise abused?

@CharleeFarley you do know you have posted on Mumsnet don't you? The site has an intrinsic bias. The Relationship board even more so. You seem remarkable unaware of the environment and the internet.
i wasn't asking for opinions then why post on a public forum?
even if I was, it's okay to expect a base level of respect respect, does that mean agreement with your opinion?.
The internet is not some special place where you can behave like a dick with no accountability Err yes it is
I feel sorry for your children. It’s certainly not a way of life I’d like for my children that's an opinion. Calling it Slut shaming is rediculous.

Okay cool, I'm done. Once again, the internet proves that people are dickheads. Sorry to everyone who commented respectfully (even when disagreeing - yes, Mumsnet, shock of shocks, it is possible to respectfully disagree). As usual, a minority of absolute assholes derail things for everyone else. Congratulations.

Hilarious that the OP’s response to people apparently not being “respectful” is to call them dickheads and assholes.

Hilarious that the OP’s response to people apparently not being “respectful” is to call them dickheads and assholes

Sorry but you are the self absorbed dick.

Bye

No judgement from me...but how is polyamory different to your normal open relationship?

A friend sent this to me recently. There's actually a video on YouTube with this couple too

www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/polyamourous-couple-reveal

OP... I do think it may have been better for you to post in a poly site.

It's the same for men who like their wives or GFs to sleep with other men....their are special cuckold forums.

Regular sites are not really the place, as it doesn't fit in with societal norms.

Regular sites are not really the place, as it doesn't fit in with societal norms

There you go @charleefarley, How dare you post or upset the MNers by posting a subject that is unconventional. It was only a matter of time before this thread was derailed which is why I bookmarked it early in the thread.

Leave them to their ignorance

Lesson learned?

How dare you post or upset the MNers by posting a subject that is unconventional.

I think you’ll find what killed the thread wasn’t the topic - I remember a similar one in AMA several months ago that went into double figures of pages - but the OP trying to police the thread to exclude anyone who didn’t agree with her views, and signing off by calling those posters dickheads and arseholes.

Like you, I hope the OP has learned something from this and takes a less combative approach should she decide to come back at some point in the future. Or not.

@Familyofaliens

I respectfully disagree.

The OP did say

Also a place for mono folks to ask legit, non-judgemental questions and for respectful discussion about non-mono life

And as per MN the disrespect came out so I understand OP's frustration.

Also a place for mono folks to ask legit, non-judgemental questions and for respectful discussion about non-mono life

She did indeed say that. But again, you just can’t demand that people post in a certain way, respond in a certain way and only ask certain questions.

MNHQ seems to agree because none of the posts seems to have been deleted, despite the OP asking for them to be.

Have it your way.

IMO certain posters were disrespectful and became self appointed judge and jury.

On that note.................................

MNHQ didn’t agree with you, so I’m with the pp who said maybe the OP needs to go to a specialist site where she can guarantee her views will go challenged.

Have it your way

What way? This is a talk forum. We follow the rules of the forum, not the individual poster.

I'm another poly poster who has seen these threads go the same way before, OP posts to ask for other poly parents to share experiences and then gets shouted down by other posters who are on a mission to slag off poly people.
It's a shame as there clearly are a few of us in this boat. I'm off to a less searchable place on MN if anyone cares to join.

IMO certain posters were disrespectful and became self appointed judge and jury and that's all it is noego it's just your opinion. It isn't right, it isn't wrong it just the way you see it. Like you, others posted the way they saw it.

That said I find it so fg pretentious to sign off with On that note..............................

Chiara

Can you point out any post where the OP got “shouted down”?

I can see quite a few - mine included - which disagree with the OP’s views, but none that denied her a voice.

There have been no deletions on this thread.

Feel pretty sad about where this thread ended up and tried to message you @CharleeFarley directly but couldn't. So I'm place marking here in case the mumsnet poly revolution happens, as if like to be involved.

@ChiaraRimini I want to join!

@noego

You're missing my point.

Regular sites are not really the place, as it doesn't fit in with societal norms

There you go @charleefarley, How dare you post or upset the MNers by posting a subject that is unconventional.

All I'm saying is that this (MN) is by and large a general relationship site.

Example... I'm black. If I want views, advice or opinions about haircare/hairstyles, I wouldn't go to a general haircare site. I'd go to one specifically for black/afro hair.

I also gave the example of cuckold relationships. The same applies to swingers... the OP would get responses from people who have a similar lifestyle.

I've started another thread in OTBT if anyone is interested

Also a place for mono folks to ask legit, non-judgemental questions and for respectful discussion about non-mono life*

Certain PP's simply couldn't respect this and had to wade in with their biased views. Then have the audacity to hide behind the "public forum" shield and justify their viewpoint.

@noego, I think you will find that certain pp's used the "public forum" shield, to justify their right to post. They don't have to justify their viewpoint. Same as you or I don't have to.

BTW I note with quite some mirth, that your grandiose gesture On that note................................. was actually meaningless.

I'm not against poly relationships, but every time I read about them, the participants all seem to be along the lines of OP. Easily offended, focused on appearing edgy and liberated but can't handle robust criticism without trying to police the conversation, kids all apparently think it's great, no worries there, coy jokes about their girlfriends. So cool, so right on. It's never boring old Sandra from accounts bickering about the teabags with her five lovers, nothing to see here.