Polyamorous / Ethically Non-Monogamous Parents

[CharleeFarley]

Thought it would be good to have a thread for us non-mono / polyamorous / open relationship folks to chat about parenting, family life, relationships, etc.

Also a place for mono folks to ask legit, non-judgemental questions and for respectful discussion about non-mono life.

Pretty sure I can't be the only polyam parent on Mumsnet (right?!). Where's my tribe at? ☺️

Introduce yourself if you'd like to.

I've been polyam for about three years, have a long term partner and have recently started seeing another person very casually. I have three kids, two from a previous relationship and a new baby with my partner. We live separately but spend most of our time together (well, all of it at the mo, with a new baby!).

Hi @JRulez7lek. I think poly/NM/RA people make excellent parents, because we are used to talking/listening more than most! ☺️ We're all just doing our best, anyway. Your set up sounds similar to mine except that we're not married. Although we don't technically live together, I can't remember the last time my partner went home to his flat.

Maybe you should stay away from porn hub and do some real research.

Quite an extrapolation to accuse someone of watching porn because they’re not validating your lifestyle choices.

Just going to leave this here...

BINGO!

So concern about the effect on children of their parents having multiple sexual partners is part of a funny game?

Right.

@FamilyOfAliens I'm pretty over your slut shaming now. Please go away.

Please report any posts you feel break talk guidelines.

I’m afraid it’s not up to you who posts on your thread, no matter how much you wish it were.

Why are you so focused on sex?

It's very unhealthy.

Do you constantly think about mono peoples sex lives and previous partners?

It's very odd.

Have you considered therapy?

Why are you so focused on sex?

Says the person who posted this:

Poly isn't a free for all fuck fest.

I read that as her replying to people on this thread who are making out it is.

So not sure why you've put a grinning face like you've one-upped her.

You just look silly.

What's so different between polygamy and polyamory?

No, the grin is when you find something funny.

Polygamy is multiple marriage. Polyamory is rlmultiple relationships.

Ok. So no different than say my marriage to my DH and before we were married and just co-habiting?

Hello, nice to see there are others like this

I am married to my dh and we both have a gf together (same girl)

We also have two children

Polygamy is multiple marriage. Polyamory is rlmultiple relationships.

Polygamy is usually one man and several wives. It's an entirely different arrangement to polyamory which is all kinds of permutations of man/woman/marriage/relationship/sex partner etc

Hello all.
I am poly and a divorced mum of 3.
I have found that male partners who are genuinely poly and not just after a ONS are few and far between. I'd rather be hanging with my friends than going on yet another first date.
I have kind of become monogamous by default, haha. I am currently seeing someone on a casual basis who isn't poly. He knows I am, but also that I am not seeing anyone else.

@Soubriquet @ChiaraRimini Hi! Nice to meet some likeminded parents. ☺️

@FamilyOfAliens

Please report any posts you feel break talk guidelines.

Done.

Charlee, Soubriquet - good to meet you too. What do you say to kids about partners? It's not been an issue for me so far. Mine have met my BF but my two eldest know it is not serious. As long as I wasn't planning to move anyone in (no chance) they would probably be ok with it.
My youngest is only 7 so more difficult to explain, she knows I have a BF and I am gradually introducing him, so it's all early days still.
This is all theoretical for me anyway as currently can't see myself meeting anyone else!

@ChiaraRimini My oldest is 8 and knows my views on relationships. I generally don't introduce partners unless they are serious or long term - shorter term partners might be introduced as friends, if it comes up. She knows that my partner and I are serious (obviously - we have the baby together!) but that we also see other people if we feel like it and both feel happy with that. She occasionally jokes that "Mummy has lots of boyfriends!" 😂 Which is rich, because she apparently has three and I only have two. 😏

Neither of the kids seem to care about my love life one iota, because they are surrounded by people that love them and can talk openly with me about it if they want. They've never known anything different so I don't think it occurs to them that it's unusual. No doubt it will come up as they get older, though.

Please report any posts you feel break talk guidelines.

Done.

Great. I’ll be interested to see which ones of mine get deleted.

I feel sorry for your children. It’s certainly not a way of life I’d like for my children.

I'm pretty over your slut shaming now. Please go away.

This is an open talk forum. You do not control who posts on your thread. If you are going to post openly on here, you are going to get differing opinions.

@Bechetdiagnosed Sure, differing opinions are cool. I wasn't asking for opinions, though, and even if I was, it's okay to expect a base level of respect. If someone has the right to barge into our conversation and be incredibly rude to everyone, I have equal right to tell them to butt out. Just because I'm posting on a public forum doesn't mean I am required to indulge anything I wouldn't stand for in person. 🤷🏻‍♀️ The internet is not some special place where you can behave like a dick with no accountability.

If someone has the right to barge into our conversation and be incredibly rude to everyone, I have equal right to tell them to butt out.

As I said before, you may want your thread to be like a private club where only people who validate your lifestyle are allowed to post. But mumsnet doesn’t work like that so be prepared to be disappointed.

And don’t forget to report any posts you feel are rude and disrespectful and MNHQ will delete them for you.