Made the effort to see my family and feel like they don’t care about me being here

[user70193136]

Probably totally dramatic and over sensitive.

Big backstory that I don’t have the energy to type but turn up to take my sibling for a drink as arranged and am met by him and my parents saying I am ruining his Boxing Day by making him leave the house.

Just feel like giving up.

OP I hope you’re ok. I’d leave, and make other plans.

When you say giving up what do you mean?

I’m always made out to be this horrible awful person.

I’m just sitting in my car in tears. I can’t cope with this anymore. I was dreading Christmas and once again I am labelled as some awful person who creates problems. I was criticised for being late on Christmas Day, having arrived at 9am. I feel broken.

I literally don’t know what to do. I am so sad. I don’t want to be here anymore.

Please don't feel that you shouldn't be here OP, talk to us. The family sound a bit cold to say the least, why not tell us some of the back story?

Have you some friends you could get in touch with, or go home and pamper yourself/chill in front of TV?

It's them not you!!!

My family do this. My parents and sibling specifically arrange events where I am not included and then tell all and sundry that I am 'weird' and 'odd' and cutting my poor family out in favour of my DH and his family. I tried for years to please them and slowly realised that I can't.

My advice is to leave. Go low or no contact with them and if asked by any other family members just state the facts in a non emotional manner. I also had counselling to help me create boundaries around their behaviour as well.

Go home, drink some wine and get snuggled on the sofa with a blanket and a good film

Do you have friends who you can talk to in R/L ?

They sound heartless ☹️

I thought that’s what you meant OP, which is why I was worried.

Your worth doesn’t come from the way people treat you. That says everything (none of it good) about them, not you.

Do you have someone in RL you could spend today with? Or someone to call? We’re all here too. Please don’t hurt yourself.

I'm sad for you, they are not being fair. You're not making your sibling go out and you were not late arriving at 9am.

With family like that, who needs enemies?

Don't let them spoil things for you any more.

Go home, put a Christmas film on, have a drink and eat chocolate. You deserve better than this, you are worth more than this. Is there anyone in RL you can call for some company?

Go home, as PP said, and snuggle up and talk on here. Your family sound very unkind, and I am sure from the little that you have said, that your are not the issue here. Mumsnet will get you through

It sounds awful for you poor thing 😓
Please come back and chat, let people here help you 🙂

They sound horrible. Go home and do something nice for yourself, you’re not the problem, they are.

Thank you for the messages I appreciate them so so much.

I just called the Samaritans and they were amazing.

I just feel totally lost to be honest. I’ve never been enough for them. They don’t give a shit about me and I don’t have it in me not to drive back down the road and sort this out.

I lnow I need counselling. But driving home now would be a mistake I think. I don’t want to leave things like this. The woman I spoke to at the samaritanas said to go back if I will feel better later when I leave and I think she is right. Then I need to think seriously about my contact with them.

Backstory is they basically left me alone all my childhood while looking after my sibling and her wonderful acting talent. Sibling doesn’t work in acting these days but what the star of everything growing up.

I know I should leave but I feel so sad. I just want to smooth it over.

Does anyone get what I mean and why I am conflicted?

Yes, I get that. But in reality, "smoothing it over" likely means just brushing it under the carpet until the next time they cause you to leave in tears.

I really wouldn't go back.

If you feel they don't care, you are probably right, and that is their fault, not yours. No wonder you feel down. Knowing your parents don;t give a stuff at Christmas is soul destroying. But you can get past it.
Over time, try to learn not to care what they think or how they treat you. Never ever put yourself in an emotionally vulnerable position where you want support from them or rely on them. Work hard at finding strong, genuine, loving, supportive friendships and relationships of all kinds elsewhere in your life. Make your own family, in any form that works for you.

This really isn't easy. I now have absolutely minimal contact with my parents. It feels weird but I also can feel my life long depression fading away. Interestingly, since deciding to keep contact to a bare minimum and always on my terms, I've come off ADs for the first time in decades.

OP I hope you find the strength you need to reach a place where their judgement of you just ricochets right off you, leaving no scar.

Plenty of people have tough relationships with their parents and they sound unreasonable too

Don't end your life over this. It will just cut short a lot of joy and possibility that is open to you and if they don't care as much as you say, they won't care that you're dead

Time to get into therapy and strike out on your own! Next Christmas, do something you love. Have a hot holiday, go skiing, stay with friends. Send them their presents by post.

onestep for the past couple of years I have known I have been stepping into the ‘lions den’ emotionally with them. Before then I didn’t know what they were really like. It is so hard, even knowing how they are, not to seek closeness with them.

The sad truth is I am SO much happier when away from them and can just about manage meeting them on neutral ground. I can’t stand being in their home though :(

I’ve gone back now and they’re all quiet but being ok.

I need to go into therapy and this isn’t normal. What’s the difference between counselling and CBT? Which is better for this sort of stuff?

It is so hard, even knowing how they are, not to seek closeness with them - that's so poignant and insightful - I often read terrible stories on here of the way people were treated as children, horribly abusive or neglectful parents but there is always this destructive urge, this pull to go back to them; I can understand it. You always hope that this time, it will be different.

Op I have been there, I find my mother especially difficult to be around. I used to always comply and go to family events because In no uncertain terms you didn't disagree or upset mum. After a particularly horrible family gathering (similar to what you describe) I decided to get counselling- has been life changing to me. It has taught me to say 'it doesn't suit me' or 'no' without apology or explanation.
'DefinitelyOdd' I could have written your post. OP you are not alone.

I’m so grateful for the people on here. Thank you SO much for the lovely posts that picked me up when I felt so bloody broken.

Does anyone get what I mean and why I am conflicted?

Absolutely, I do.

I was conditioned to be family, to stay part of it all no matter how much it destroyed my MH. Now I speak to my dad, that’s it. Mum died and the rest are the most difficult, emotionally abusive, self satisfied twats. So I cut them off. Best thing I ever did.