Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

pof normal????

62 replies

letsmeet · 25/12/2018 09:12

I've just joined pof as it's free and I'd heard bad things about tinder.
I'm new to dating as I've only been with ex since 21 and now I'm divorced and 32.
made a profile on pof and got a load of messages within hours, some hi hey how are you? which I replied to and had nice conversations with, a few dick pics or sexual stuff right off the bat Envy. Then a lot of people asking for snapchat, I asked why and they all said to make sure we are who we say we are, which again fine by me as there's some very obvious fakes on there.
So every single one of the men who asked to snapchat ask for a pic, I send them one and they send me one( normal nice pic that shows face). they then move on to ask for a sexy pic and some sent me dick pics Hmm, I blocked them. I carry on talking to the ones who haven't sent me a dick pic but even they keep steering the conversation to sexual stuff!
Is this normal for online dating? am I just very naive?
and even this morning I've had a few Xmas dick pics to wish me a merry Xmas hence why I'm writing this right now. I thought I was opening snapchat to a nice lovely message and I've got 4 festive dicks instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
letsmeet · 25/12/2018 09:13

oh and some asking to meet straight away despite not knowing the firsts thing about me. is that normal?
The ages very between 27 and 40. so not just the younger ones doing this.

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 25/12/2018 09:13

Yes and no. You get better at spotting the freaks x

why100000 · 25/12/2018 09:18

Ugh is all I can say. I don’t know if it’s normal but ugh. I am just divorced as well (but late 40s so my chances of meeting someone new are reduced I would say).

Have considered online dating but just looking at the sea of faces made me feel a bit Confused.

At 32 I think it will be possible to meet people in real life - meet ups, activities etc... Real people and no photos of their genitals - what is actually the matter with people.

Do men think women like these pics?

bionicnemonic · 25/12/2018 09:24

A free web site will always attract chancers.
If you pay it will weed a lot of people out.
If you try a site affiliated to the type of person you like then you’ll hopefully be narrowing the field even more (like a Guardian reader, go onto Soulmates for example)

Original poster
letsmeet · 25/12/2018 09:31

I wanted to try a free one because I'm just dipping my toe in the water. I don't want to pay unless it's worth it but if it'll weed all the chancers out then I should obviously pay.
I even had a very nice I was talking to for days we seemed to get on and have the same sense of humour and I actually asked him to move to snapchat as I couldn't be bothered to log in and out to keep checking. He then started switched from charming to a lot of sexual innuendo and asking for pics Shock, so it's made me think is snapchat code for something? I use snapchat to chat whereas all those men obviously think it means you want to sext.
I have sexted before but with my ex who I was married too, id never with a guy I hadn't even met.

OP posts:
MegFlyAway2 · 25/12/2018 09:39

Trust me the pay ones have the same crap on it. I’ve been online dating for a few years now and Tinder is actually not that bad! I currently prefer Bumble. POF is always full of freaks so use sparingly!

empa · 25/12/2018 09:41

I'm humming '4 festive dicks' to the tune of A Partridge in a Pear Tree.

You've proper cheered me up OP. Xmas Grin

Original poster
letsmeet · 25/12/2018 09:43

why10000 i dont know why they think we like it, one asked me if I would rather see hard or not? then proceeded to send me both Envy. I have to say the festive ones had tinsel and baubles round them so at least they made the effort to jazz them up a bit Grin

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 25/12/2018 09:50

On any type of dating site - free or paid, themed etc - you will get a bunch of idiots who constantly lurk on the "new members in your area" page and send the same crap to every woman who joins, in the hope that for every 100 messages they send, they might see one photo of boobs.

Learn to be ruthless with the delete button. State on your profile something like "If you message me, please tell me what about my profile appeals to you/what we have in common/what sort of relationship you're looking for". If they don't include this info in their first message then they haven't read your profile and are probably just looking for wank material.

If you go on their profile and it all says "Will fill this out later" or "just ask if you want to know lol" then delete. Do not reward laziness with your time.

Personally I've found POF useless and much prefer OKCupid. If I was in London I'd use Times Encounters or Guardian Soulmates but they're very thinly populated outside of London.

Original poster
letsmeet · 25/12/2018 10:00

nottheford Yes so many with 'I'll fill it out later.
so that makes me wonder though that there must be plenty of women doing the same then just looking to hook up because otherwise these men aren't going to get very far are they.
They all seemed to use the same lingo too and the messages were very similar i.e compliment, ask for pic, aplogise(when I said no), compiment and ask for pic again, which felt like there's some secret snapchat sexting club they're all a part of Sad a club I really don't want to join.
I think I will maybe try tinder then as some are saying the paid ones have similar people too

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 25/12/2018 10:01

I met some lovely men on POF - and some absolute bloody weirdos. I got much more ruthless with the weirdos after a while, and just blocked them straight off. I never used Snapchat, we normally went onto Whatsapp. There were a few dick pics, but i just either blocked them straight off or told them to pack it in.

PoF is fun, and its a good way to get back into the swing of dating. IMHO its not the best site to use for an actual relationship, but if like me you were coming out of a very very long marriage, and needed a bit of an ego boost and some practice at going on dates, its ideal.

Original poster
letsmeet · 25/12/2018 10:06

funnylittle Yes that's exactly why I picked a free site just to get back into it and the ego boost was nice but most of the ones messaging me were chancers or fakes so ego is nicely deflated now Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
letsmeet · 25/12/2018 10:09

what i dont get is that some of the ones sending me pics or asking were very good looking and only about 23 24. I would've rather been out with real people at that age, why rather wank over pics?Sad

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 25/12/2018 10:10

No-one has ever asked me to Snapchat (I don't even know what that is) nor sent me a dick pic. I think my profile must make it obvious I would not be interested.
I've had a few whole body, naked, photos on Badoo.
OKCupid is better, it doesn't allow pics to be attached.

funnylittlefloozie · 25/12/2018 10:11

Letsmeet, the good-looking 20-somethings were probably fakes as well!

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 25/12/2018 10:13

I met now DH within 2 months of joining pof he was the one who didn't send me a dick pic!

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 25/12/2018 10:13

I was 32 when I met him too

Original poster
letsmeet · 25/12/2018 10:36

funnylittlefloozie no they weren't fakes as they sent me normal pics on snapchat first. and I could see their stories on snapchat . one of them was probably fake as all he sent me was a video of him masturbating Xmas Envy

OP posts:
happyasasandboy · 25/12/2018 10:38

Do men think women like these pics?

I don't think these men are sending dick pics because they think you'll like it. They're sending them because they want to meet someone who won't kick up a fuss about things like dick pics.

Bananalanacake · 25/12/2018 10:42

Are men really so thick they think we like Dick pics.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 25/12/2018 10:45

I've used Tinder and not had one dick pic. I met my current partner on there.

crappyday2018 · 25/12/2018 10:48

Sorry but if you heard bad things about Tinder, POF is worse in my opinion. At least with Tinder you can only receive messages from men you have swiped right with. On POF, any weirdo can message you.
I've used it a few times and its just a constant barrage of shit messages. I think I literally had 1 decent bloke out of them all I went on a date with. Almost ALL of them try to turn the conversation to 'naughty chat'. Bore off. I'd use Tinder instead.

crappyday2018 · 25/12/2018 10:48

Oh and they send dick pics in the hope that, one woman will return the 'favour'.

HopeHopity · 25/12/2018 10:54

I met my husband on POF. On the second round as I took a break.
You really get better at spotting the fakes and you also have to get lucky.
We were both incredibly lucky.
My lessons were to meet up after just a few messages because some of them just want "banter"Confused and sexy pics for weeks.
You will find a lot of "rubbish" but also normal people, just harder to spot 😅

MeOldChina · 25/12/2018 10:57

I would say POF is a bit old hat now. I met my DH on it 6 years ago but I would say Tinder and Bumble are more dominant now and therefore likely to attract people who are serious. They'll want to be where the most activity is.

I think people are more likely to use the quieter websites if theyre cheating to be honest.