Husband belittling me and I've had enough

[changingnameforthiss]

Ive had to NC for this.

I think this is the last straw. Due to financial problems, my husband gave me his credit card. Now I am quite a simple person, I know nothing about credits cards or things like that I am someone who sticks to one card only. What I didn't know is if I take cash out, it charges high interest rates.

Anyway he found out and he has had ago at me so much that I am reduced to tears. He said that I've made a mess of things, I have messed everything up, I am stupid, why don't I know the difference between debit and credit card... I've apologised profusely and I've said I'm sorry! But I'm sitting here in tears and I honestly starting to feel that I don't love him anymore. Silly I know but I already have self esteem problems and things like this makes me feel even more worthless.

This is so silly but he has done this many times before. Any little mistakes I make, it makes me a stupid person. He belittles me in a way that it makes me feel like I am worthless piece of shit. He has made loads of mistakes in the past but I've always supported him and never have I judged him! Ever.

I don't know what else to do. I have never cried like this before because I used to be able to just take it but now I don't think I can anymore. I can't do anything right. He should've just told me in the nicest way that I mustn't do it again and that's the way I can learn but no, I just get spoken to like shit

How much cash did you take out?

Around £100

Does your husband have to help you with a lot of things?
Most adults understand the concept of credit cards.

It's just that you mention financial problems which are probably the root of the issue.

No not at all! I am independent. I know how a credit card works but I didn't know that taking cash out is different from purchasing using the card online or using a card machine etc.

He sounds awful.

You weren't to know about the cash charging higher, you've never had a credit card, he said he'd help you out he can't go mad about something you didn't know.

Your husband sounds awful. He shouldn’t have berated you to the point that you cried. Everyone makes mistakes.

I am a not a simple person, but I have never had a credit card as I have no need for one. I would not know that taking money out is charged differently from making purchases.

FGS, there will have been a charge of around £15 - £20 it's not the end of the world. He is a dick.

I'm sorry to hear how your husband has made you feel, especially at this time of year. If this is a constant pattern then I think you should think about the future for sure.
I don't think its fair for anyone to make you feel like this. If you have never used a credit card before he may have known this and should have asked you not to take cash out. I don't think belittling you after the event will change anything now.

L the tight B

Tell him you'll pay it back with the interest and to back off. Tell him his behaviour is unacceptable and you'll be seeing a solicitor in the New Year for some advice on emotional abuse and coercive control.
Don't cry about it OP.
Realise he's reduced you to a shell of your former self with his constant belittling. He thinks he has total control and power over you and upsetting you gives him a massive ego boost.
It's a dangerous way to live long term. Red flags OP, red flags.

Someone who loves you should never make you feel stupid. It is an oversight and a genuine mistake. He is a bully and I don’t blame you for being upset.

I’m a white collar professional who works in corporate finance and investment banking. I have two credit cards.

I didn’t know taking cash out using a credit card would result in a higher rate of interest!

So, if I do say so myself, I don’t think you’re an idiot. It’s one of those things you don’t know about unless you actively ask the question.

Gosh changing I don't know why you are getting such snappy responses - if you didn't know you didn't know, and as it was only £100 the interest won't have been massive even though the companies do charge a high rate. It's why banks are rich and most of the rest of us aren't unfortunately - and you know that now.

There is absolutely no need for you partner (or indeed people on Mumsnet!!) to attack you like this just because you didn't know that fact. Your partner sounds completely horrible - especially as he has done it lots of times before. If it was just once it might be because he was very very frightened about his financial situation and was lashing out (but obviously he should have apologise really quickly). But because he has done it lots of times before, I'm afraid this is who he is - he needs to make someone feel small so he can feel bit, probably.

You don't have to put up with this, and in fact you shouldn't. You should think about leaving him: however nice he might be between 'having a go' at you - you will get more and more nervous about sharing any little mistake you make , and you could end up permanently miserable..

I think some people on Mumsnet are awful bullies - you see a vulnerable person and make them feel stupid just for the sake of being nasty. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Op if you didn't know, you didn't know so please don't feel bad, we all make mistakes. It sounds like your dh is perhaps stressed about money as he is reacting disproportionately to the mistake. He needs to know the effect it has on you though so either you need to have a proper discussion with him or get some help from a counsellor. I hope you feel better soon and find a way of working on your self esteem.

He's an abusive up himself bully and he gets off on hurting ,belittling you and ruining your self esteem.
You deserve better than this.
I've done plenty of stupid things and so has OH. Most of them have been an eye roll a muttered " ffs you Eigyt " and then trying to sort it out together.

£100 isn't a lot of money ffs! The interest will be pennies!

Puddinginperths a very judgmental person isn't she? Never made a mistake pip? Perfect are we?

I wouldn’t know not to take cash out using a credit card... I am a fully independent adult, raising a child and running a home and have 2 degrees and a masters.
If you have never had a credit card, you don’t know how they work, nothing to do with anything else.
Why suggest some kind of handicap for not knowing something you have no experience of?

How much did you have to pay for this one single error?

Is there a health reason the OP has never owned a credit card before?

I've never had a credit card before because I am a tight wad. I only found out about the cash thing in the last year or so. I'm not sick, I've just never had a credit card

He is being unfair.