Christmas Eve and I'm so unhappy

[BahHumbugTime]

Is anyone else feeling miserable and lonely today? I am wallowing in my tears. Everywhere I look I see happy people and excited about Christmas. I just wish 2018 would end.

I'm in the process of divorcing my H and struggling to come to terms with it. I received decree nisi application in the post today. I feel dead inside.
I have 2 grown up DCs. I'll be with one of them tomorrow and the other on Boxing Day, which of course will be lovely.
I just can't pull myself together today.

I'm not the only one feeling like this, am I?
Will someone please give me a slap and tell me to pull myself together x

Joining in too. Had my hip replaced 4 days ago. Home is a mess, nothing festive anywhere, watching DP struggle with DS and not being able to help much/trying not to micromanage. Wanting to do a million things to sort my house out and bring some festive cheer but in a world of pain and depression from the meds. I wish it were January 24 instead. Id cope with all this a lot better without Christmas everywhere.

So many of us going through a tough time.
A friend suggested I write a letter to myself about all the shit that has happened recently and how I am feeling now. That way, in a year or so i can (hopefully) look back and see how much better things are.
I did this and filled 6 pages of A4 paper detailing everything. It was actually quite cathartic to do. I have locked it away and will open in in January 2020. Things have got to get better. Thing WILL get better.
Hugs

Another one feeling lonely here - DD7 is with her dad this Christmas and my partner is 2000 miles away. Just sat here on my own wondering whether it's possible to go to bed yet

This was me two years ago OP devastated, received his rather nasty divorce petition in the post waiting for me when I came out of hospital and looking forward to an awful lonely christmas.
Roll on 2 years the absolute came through two days ago and I couldn't be more overjoyed. I have a great new job, a cosy little home, friends and the future is looking great.
My ex is miserable and wants me back - not going to happen, life is great now.
Yours will be wonderful too

Glad I've found this thread, I'm spending my first Christmas Eve alone in my life.

Children are with their dads and I don't have a partner at the moment.

Hi all. It’s my first Christmas without STBXH in 25 years. He left in March when I discovered his affair.

I’m alone tonight but I’m going out with DS and DIL and her family tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it as it’ll be all couples apart from me, but I’ll try to enjoy it as best I can.

@endofthelinefinally my heart goes out to you. I can’t even imagine how you must feel 💐

@newestbridearound. Big hugs to you too 💐

I’m just trying to think it’s another day to get through.

Keep strong everyone ❤️

You're definitely not on your own OP.

Not necessarily for the same reasons, but you are definitely not on your own.

That's a good idea BahHumbug, I might follow suit.

Love to everyone here x

I googled “feeling sad tonight Christmas Eve” hoping I’d find a Forum like this and joined Mumsnet just to read & post on this thread. I feel like I’m in emotional pain and on the verge of tears every second, it’s awful. Spending Christmas Eve alone whilst my boyfriend goes out with our friends, I decided not to go last minute as I can’t stand the thought of pretending to be happy in a crowded bar. But I feel so lonely. I’ll be spending the day with my boyfriend and his parents tomorrow, again, because I have no family of my own around. My Mum spends half the year abroad every year over Christmas and my Dad lives on the other side of the country, which is fine as I often travel to see him when I can afford to, but he didn’t invite me this year saying there was no room as he had friends staying. He’s always been a shit Dad making barely any effort. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years in January and there’s still no ring on it or hopes of creating the family I never had despite him knowing how much I want it. I’ve also been struggling with my mental health these past couple of months with Seasonal Affective Disorder hitting me hard. I’ve just gone to bed as I can’t bear to exist tonight and be alone on Christmas Eve and am absolutely dreading tomorrow.

I’m the same boat, and just about keeping my sh*t together and not throwing all the baubles off the tree.

Me and DP where meant to be “working through things” however today he has irritated me so much, I’ve just told him not to bother come home tonight.

He’s been missing since leaping out of bed this morning, was meant to be going last minute shopping (for my gift). Then meeting his family for a Christmas drink. NC all day since he left, apart from one text a hour a go saying home later... I know his family who came up, left hours ago.
Before you think I’m being dramatic, this is the nail on the head, and there are many other incidents which have contributed to my outburst.

All the jobs I’ve asked him to do today, still to be done. I’ve physically and mentally given up, and cancelled Christmas!

Home alone for the duration. Still on an emotional roller-coaster. Watching the carols on BBC2. Reminds me of school 40 years ago. Cathartic in a way. Strength to all. We can get through this xx

My dc leave in the morning at 10am so I'll be alone too. Going to go for a run, come home take a diazepam and hopefully sleep for the rest of the day!!

Sorry some of you are having such a hard time at the moment.

I still have a few things I need to work on in my life but this year things have changed drastically for me. I have had 2 miracles I never expected in a million years. I'd never have believed I'd get them last year. So I wish the same for all of you in 2019 (acknowledging that if you've lost a precious child that's very different) But let yourself grieve for what's bad now and remember lots of people find Christmas impossible.

Hello everyone on this thread, how are you all doing?

A handhold to everyone who needs to be on here.

For me it's watching a beloved parent who is visibly declining, isn't well atm and who may not be around for much longer. Meanwhile dp is watching me do almost all the organising and running around for Christmas because he chooses not to understand what needs doing. I feel torn in two different and horribly difficult directions.

Tomorrow, family - a source of massive tension - are coming over for a 'jolly' Christmas Day meal which I have to prepare and which I'm dreading. So I'm feeling fairly numb. I used to love Christmas as a child but now I'm just conscious that it'll happen only if I make it happen, and nobody is doing any of it for me. Which feels sad.

In one way I'm unhappy and feeling numb at the thought of yet another Christmas eve and Christmas day on my own. Have been badly let down by someone I was very close to and probably won't see again. Could be a lonely 2019.

On the other hand I will be ok, enjoy relaxing and being left in peace.

Evening all, so sorry you are all feeling just as lonely as I am.

I should be happy - my DC are with me this year but they are in a dire moods as they should have been with their dad this year. He didn’t book them tickets (he lives abroad) despite telling them he had. They are being horrible teens and yes, I know they are lashing out because they are upset but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Sitting here in tears, have seldom felt this alone. Sending you all a big, fat, squishy Christmas hug. Not the done thing on MN but I know I could definitely do with one!

May tomorrow pass peacefully and mercifully quick for us all. Roll on 2019 as 2018 has been a steaming pile...

Hi everyone. I'm joining too.
Not alone in the house and fortunate to have DS with me but also got STBX staying and acting all good dad whilst pushing all my buttons to make me react. After spending the last few months staying away with OW when it suited him, gaslighting me, telling DS he loves someone else. And thinks I'm crazy if I think this makes for a nightmare Xmas scenario. Doesn't understand why him just playing on his phone while I do everything winds me up. He's always done this when I think about it. Asked if he had any ideas for tea earlier having prepped everything for tomorrow and he just said he thought I'd have had it planned. He'd got himself a ready meal. Then in front of DS gets all smiley and offers to get a pizza.
Sorry, I know it's different to those of you sitting on your own when it might not be by choice but I guess I mean that those who aren't actually alone aren't always less lonely.
to everyone. Roll on 2019

Sending a hug your way OP. I felt desolate, lonely and frankly very desperate this time last year. I just felt empty and numb and I was scared that I would feel this way forever. I too had broken up with someone.

It’s perfectly normal to feel this way, Christmas has a way of making you feel shit if you’re in the process of divorce/break up. Honestly though, it does get easier and rapidly so. It’s about getting through the days, tomorrow will be hard and so will New Years Eve because society tells us we are meant to share those events with someone special. I’m a year on and have had a beautiful baby girl and a lovely boyfriend and am so unbelievably happy. I didn’t think my ex could be replaced because I weirdly idolised him (he is actually vile) but now the fog has lifted and I realise what a scum bag he is and how desperately unhappy I was around him.

I’d try and set yourself a goal, get to New Years Day and plan how things will be different. I wrote down a load of things I wanted to achieve, i ran the Hackney Half (5months preggo too), started learning French, got PADI certified, did my Yacht Master and passed my bike test.

Please reach out to us all, you’re not alone - we are here for you!

An uplifting Christmas message for all painful relatives and/or painful ex's (language warning for anyone not familiar with Fascinating Aida)

So my Christmas present which he purchased this morning after asking me yesterday what I would like for Xmas is still in the hallway in the carrier bag unwrapped.

Sending a hand hold for everyone

Feeling pretty crap myself not speaking to dh as found his bitches number hidden in his wallet the other day despite him telling me over 6 months ago he no longer had her number and had cut contact as it wasn’t worth the hassle long story short kind of emotional affair no sexting just over invested in the friendship and when I complained lied repeatedly hide it all deleted messages etc.

Have recently started a new job that i am not sure I like could be because it’s new and I don’t feel like I know what I am doing have doubled my hours another long story short was basically being pushed out of my last job of which I was there 13 years didn’t sleep well last night after rowing by text with dh him accusing me of being paranoid threatening I will loose everything I overslept and was late for work so made some lame excuse about my car wouldn’t start I am on 6 months probation I’ve only been there 5 weeks been sent home sick for losing my voice it’s a call centre and now I was an hour late

I feel anxious am dry heaving dh randomly took the dog out late tonight and I am putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 thinking he went out to message or phone her I’ve done everything for Christmas on my own he’s only got my presents which he got tonight at 5pm he’s gone to bed without saying a word to me I have put dc teenager to bed and am now filling their stockings on my own so am dreading tomorrow but will put a brave face on for the kids

Thanks @didsomeonesaybunny. I think the idea of a true new year's resolution might be a really good one this year. A proper plan. Sounds like you've done brilliantly and achieved so much.
Also thanks citrus and re presents- my STBX has just started wrapping (he won't have much to do since I've obviously done all DS & family). He's doing it really noisily so DS has just shouted that he can't sleep for the sound. Again, he's always done this, even when I used to ask him not to as I knew a very young DS would be up really early and I wanted to rest. I'm only just realising that maybe I want always the unreasonable one.
Think I'm going to see Xmas as a positive in that is marking the end to something not good for me. Then it can hopefully return to celebration next year when I can check off my list of plans.

@alfiemoon1. Sorry just seen your post. Hang in there. Good luck with keeping the smiles on tomorrow. I know I'll be trying to do the same.

Well it's now after midnight so I will wish everyone a very happy Tuesday. After all, it's just another day. Hugs to you all x