how does your DP/DH react if you say no to sex?

[unequivocallyxo]

Just that really. Not rudely, just gently. I am curious to know if my DP is acting unreasonably or if I am overreacting.

He doesn't do anything, if I say no, he says ok and we continue doing whatever we were doing. Or if in bed, he will give me a cuddle and go to sleep. How did your husband react?

If it's first thing in the morning he might try a second time with a neck kiss otr two. Then he'll cheerful make me breakfast. Cos he's not a twat and his masculinity isn't wrapped up in his sexual conquering ability.

If he's stressed he'll sigh and be a bit annoyed but it lasts about 10 seconds before I get cuddled. Otherwise a cuddle or a kiss and an 'ok'.

Sulk.

I hate it

He doesn't really react, just, oh ok then, hug, and off to sleep usually. Any reaction other than accepting what you've said is not on. Saying no is perfectly reasonable.

He says 'ok' and we have a cuddle or continue chatting or whatever.

He says "ok" and we go to sleep.

Well he doesn’t really ask, just tends to pick up on my mood if we have a cuddle/kiss etc. So it doesn’t happen often that I’m not wanting to.
There’s been the odd time and I’ve said I don’t feel like it or there’s been a reason not to. On those occasions he’s simply said “ok”. If we were cuddling or something he’d just go back to that.
If I’d said no because I was on my period or something. I might offer him something else, he’ll then say something like “Well i won’t say no, but only if you want to”.

He’s absolutely fine, because he’s a nice person.

He says okay and we go to sleep or carry on what we were doing.

Give me a goodnight kiss and go to sleep. I do the same if he isn't in the mood.

I say OK. Then I feel horrible because being told no makes me feel rejected and unwanted, because of my own issues... I subtly sulk, but it is heartbreaking for me, I'm working on it being less of an issue :( I wish it wasn't so wrapped up in my self esteem, and that I had a lower sex drive...

He says "Ok. Would you like a drink/shall we watch The Good Place?"

A man who responds with anger or sulks is a self-absorbed misogynist bully.

I don't say no even if I feel tired. I know I'll enjoy it. We've been together 30 years now.

He doesn't. We do have regular sex so if I say no he knows at some point in the future we will do it.

Exh would sulk and freeze me our for days. Then try it on while I was trying to sleep, until I finally gave in.

My now DP, says no more than ok then we carry on as before. It's like a breath of fresh air.

Nothing he rolls over and goes to sleep doesn't moan or say anything I think that's okay

Nothing really. Just 'That's OK' and then we usually have a cuddle instead before going to sleep.

He doesn't really react, nor do I if he doesn't fancy it for some reason. We're just affectionate with each other as normal.

My ex-h was horrible if I didn't want to and I felt coerced into having sex to keep the peace and stop him being horrible to me. I vowed that i would never put up with that kind of shit again. DP treats me with love and respect. Even after 6 years together it's wonderful.

In 20 years together I can only think of one occasion that I've said no. Neither of us has a particularly high sex drive so we're well matched and tend to want it at the same time - but also because, if he fancies a bit unexpectedly it doesn't take much to get me in the mood, as he is rather good at it.

On the single occasion I said no, he was a little disappointed - but only because I had searched out some slutty fishnet body stocking and gone off for a shower to de-fuzz the crucial areas, but unfortunately the hair removal cream took an entire layer of skin off my fanjo.

It bled.

As PPs have said, my ExH used to find reasons to push my boundaries, eg if I said I needed a shower because I didn't feel clean he'd say "my nose isn't down there" etc (makes me shudder now) he would silk and strop and use emotional blackmail and basically all kinds of sexual coercion. When we had kids I felt like I had to give in to stop him taking out his resulting bad mood on them.

When I met a new partner he was much more normal, no pressure, total acceptance and always checking if I was ok with stuff. I cried with relief

*sulk

My exH would sulk for days. DAYS. Or try to fix up a time to DTD at about 6am, to try to guarantee DTD that evening or whatever. It killed our sex life, and ultimately the marriage. I hated being touched by him. It was vile. Sex felt like a total loss of control for me as I was so badgered and bullied, it was something that was done to me.

By some twist of fate, or maybe I subconsciously sought it out, but I was then in a sexless relationship for a couple of years. It was ok to start, but ended with a whole year of no DTD. He had issues, and was on medication, but I think it was more the issues. I continued to ‘try’ very very gently, maybe once every month. Despite being crushingly disappointed, I never sulked or pressured. Just accepted the no and carried on with the day. In the end though, I ended the relationship for this, amongst other reasons, feeling like I wasn’t ready to give up sex in my 30s, after pretty much over 10 years of terrible experiences surrounding sex.

My now DP though, omg I’m insatiable. Can’t get enough and it’s amazing. But I do put this down to there being no pressure, or no flat rejection either. If either of us don’t feel like it - it’s just not an issue. I would never go back to the standard or experiences of my previous relationships. One hint of a sulk or an argument about sex would send me running!

He cuddles me and is totally fine, because he's a decent man and not an abusive man.

I was with my ex for 6 years and hardly ever refused to have sex with him. On the occasions that I did; he had cheated on me, I had a severe UTI or flu he would emotionally blackmail me into having sex often threatening to leave me or telling me I wasn’t being the girlfriend he expected me to be. He would often tell me that he left his wife and the OW because they wouldn’t give him sex to make me feel vulnerable that the same would happen to me.

He would often wake me up in the middle of the night wanting sex - towards the end I realised he was a narcissistic sociopath and that actually this wasn’t normal.