Did she lie about being on contraception?

[UKDad]

So before my daughter was conceived my ex said she was on the birth control pill. But she stated she was buying it from the pharmacist because she didn't have time to get a repeat prescription. I've recently been told that it's not possible to get birth control pills without a prescription. So I've essentially signed up here because I thought women would be better able to tell me about the BC pill than blokes on my blokey forums. Is this possible or was she lying?

We broke up and surprisingly, to me at least, she came back pregnant. She said she'd been sick a few weeks before and I took her back out of a sense of responsibility.

Roll on a few years and she wants to try for a child. We have an argument and decide against it. 2 or 3 months roll on when shes supposedly on birth control and now she's pregnant again.

Now let's say she is lying for Child 1, well Child 2 could be conceived on birth control I suppose. It's plausible. But if she did lie about Child 1, it's likely she lied again. Plus she would taken offense at the second child being called an accident and always state our second child was planned because we initially planned it and I would argue, 'well no it wasn't because we changed our mind and you went on birth control again'.

I'm happy to be a father none the less but she went on to betray me and ruined my life through several callous actions. I'm just curious which things were pre-meditated and which weren't.

How many of you can honestly say hand on heart you’ve been on the pill AND used condoms?!

Me. I did not want to be pregnant until I was ready and also didn't want to have a child with someone to whom I was not married so doubled up each and every time

SandyY2K - lots of places it's really difficult to get a GP appointment now especially one that fits around work, childcare etc that's why online Drs private appointments/prescriptions are becoming more popular (unfortunately).

The pill doesn't work as contraception for everyone. If someone conceived on the pill once no reason to think it's not possible a second time. After falling pregnant on the pill myself I've never relied on the pill as contraception since. I stayed on it as treatment for period problems (which eventually was Dx as endo) but until I was ttc I used cap at one point, but most often condoms. My now ex husband understood why u felt that way and was happy to do so. I've also since discovered I release 2 eggs each cycle so quite possibly more fertile than many.

Even if the op did trust their ex, if the first pregnancy occurred despite them being on the pill of the op really didn't want another using condoms as well would have just been a sensible decision.

They're not that rare - look at the stats of women who have abortions who were on hormonal contraception! They clearly didn't want to get pregnant!

I'm not the only one among my friends and family either. I'm the product of pill failure (and I KNOW my mother wasn't wanting to get pregnant!), I know a few it's happened to. Some have aborted, a few like me mc, and a few kept the pregnancy.

I've also known women fall pregnant on the coil, implant and in one case after sterilisation! (She was devastated! Other contraception had failed her already & she had 4 DC and REALLY didn't want to get pregnant again, but couldn't cope with abortion either).

Dimsum the reason men don't take it seriously is because they're not made to face the consequences if a child is created. Hell even with planned DC they aren't! Not culturally and not legally/politically. Just look at all the men that don't see their kids, don't pay maintenance. They know they can leave and just not deal!

"How many of you can honestly say hand on heart you’ve been on the pill AND used condoms?!"

I value my fertility, and my sexual health. Having got pregnant on the pill before I didn't trust it for contraception, plus it doesn't protect against sti's and after having dd another pregnancy could have killed me but sterilisation was also highly risky (and even WITH the pregnancy issue they STILL wouldn't sterilise someone under 30 with only one child 🙄).

IF op's ex did lie that IS despicable, but we have no evidence that she did and nor does op and even says himself it's only something he's thought about fairly recently. It's not uncommon in the immediate aftermath of a split to review the relationship from a very negative perspective. As time goes on generally your view becomes more balanced again.

I’m sorry but that doesn’t make him a bad father. I don’t think the children are suffering because of this. He stated he’s nevertheless happy to be a father. Yes, maybe he should have also been wearing a condom. But why should he have to. If she says she’s taking the pill then why should he have doubt. She shouldn’t be lying to him and misleading him.

ZOMBIE THREAD.....

Seems like a very strong reaction here especially while there's another thread running where lots of posters are actively advising another to have an 'accident' with their contraception.

@Graphista I think you're being unfair.

I've always accepted responsibility for my children (and others children that I've brought up as my own) including being a SAHD and financial support after divorce while 50:50 parenting all the children.

Mutual decisions and responsibility were taken about contraception including the risk of accidents.

I'd be devastated if I found out that the mutual trust we had (and still have in other ways) had been betrayed.

Prescription only or sexual health

Mumsnet again, you guys he asked a simple question.. he didn’t do anything wrong believing the partner about contraception. So now he has some questions as he think he was lied to, and he need some closure simple as that.

It is possible, some women are on the wrong pill for their weight and so it isn’t as effective.

However, if you didn’t want a second child you had the option to do something about it by not shagging someone you can’t trust or by wearing protection to be extra careful which you didn’t.

Why put 100% of the blame on your partner op? If you were being responsible you could of put a condom on incase of pil mishaps

OP, You say you are happy being a father and, in the very same sentence, that your ex has ruined your life. Which is it?

@NorfolkRattle why can't it be both. You can be happy to have your children whilst regretting the circumstances?

Zombie thread but my god the staggering hypocrisy in here. All the poor man wanted to know is if it's possible to get the pill OTC. Which most basically said no to but still had a pop anyway.

And the condom suggestions tickled me pink.

The only surefire contraception is abstinence. You have sex and you're risking pregnancy whether it's with a condom, coil, patch, injection, clingfilm you name it.

I'd be devastated if I found out that the mutual trust we had (and still have in other ways) had been betrayed.

This is a cop out and unfortunately one that many men hide behind to excuse laziness.

Accidents happen and the pill isn’t 100% reliable. If you do not want children, take responsibility for not having them.

So to conclude OP, you can place an order online and collect from a pharmacy. Getting a prescription from your GP is such a pfaff. The seeds of doubt have been planted and I doubt they won’t be going anywhere soon.

Glosstwit, Sure, you can regret the circumstances while still loving your children. But to say that his life has been "ruined" sounds extreme, if he is basically happy with the kids.

My own father made no secret of the fact he felt his own life had been ruined by circumstances such as this. Was my mother irresponsible about contraception? Yes. (How do I know? She said as much to me several years ago, out of the blue. She actually boasted of it, felt she had got one over on my father. Sigh.) Was my father irresponsible about contraception? Yes. A lot of immaturity and fecklessness shown by both of them. My siblings and I paid a heavy price for that, living with a father who was openly angry about being conned (his word. What the hell did he think would be the result of them having sex?!).

People advising a woman to "have an accident" with her contraception, don't get me started on that! The height of irresponsibility. ("He'll love the child once it's born." You're sure about that, are you? Jeez.)

@AgentJohnson

This is a cop out and unfortunately one that many men hide behind to excuse laziness

Where's the laziness and what am I hiding behind?

We made a mutual and informed decision together to use the pill. Until that point I took responsibility for contraception.

Was my partner hiding behind an excuse to be lazy by trusting me to use a condom properly?

Would she have reason to be upset if I hadn't bothered or worse, intentionally deceived her?

So have I got this right - by not taking responsibility , despite assurances, he was being naive in trusting his wife ?.