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Original poster

Did she lie about being on contraception?

91 replies

UKDad · 22/12/2018 12:16

So before my daughter was conceived my ex said she was on the birth control pill. But she stated she was buying it from the pharmacist because she didn't have time to get a repeat prescription. I've recently been told that it's not possible to get birth control pills without a prescription. So I've essentially signed up here because I thought women would be better able to tell me about the BC pill than blokes on my blokey forums. Is this possible or was she lying?

We broke up and surprisingly, to me at least, she came back pregnant. She said she'd been sick a few weeks before and I took her back out of a sense of responsibility.

Roll on a few years and she wants to try for a child. We have an argument and decide against it. 2 or 3 months roll on when shes supposedly on birth control and now she's pregnant again.

Now let's say she is lying for Child 1, well Child 2 could be conceived on birth control I suppose. It's plausible. But if she did lie about Child 1, it's likely she lied again. Plus she would taken offense at the second child being called an accident and always state our second child was planned because we initially planned it and I would argue, 'well no it wasn't because we changed our mind and you went on birth control again'.

I'm happy to be a father none the less but she went on to betray me and ruined my life through several callous actions. I'm just curious which things were pre-meditated and which weren't.

OP posts:
Travisandthemonkey · 22/12/2018 14:35

You sound angry. You said she has RUINED your life Confused
I think you know exactly what I mean by your poor children

supersop60 · 22/12/2018 19:25

I got pregnant while using the cap, and also while using the Persona method (which doesn't exist any more, I think)
Not all contraception works 100% including the pill, wherever it's from.
Having said that, a friend of mine told her recent ex that she was pregnant, got back together, faked a miscarriage, and they went on to have two beautiful DC.
People lie. Contraception doesn't always work.

M1dnightMadnesss · 22/12/2018 20:49

What responsibility have you taken ? Please educate yourself about the various methods of contraception for men and women and what things affect different types of contraception. Why are you seeking to blame the female, when you are 50 percent responsible ?

sue51 · 22/12/2018 20:51

I got pregnant with the coil and my daughter became pregnant while on the pill. Why should contraception be just the responsibility of women? Use a condom for extra reassurance.

greendale17 · 22/12/2018 20:51

you chose to get her pregnant because you trusted a woman to take a pill everyday, if you really didn't want a baby you should of protected yourself on your end 🙄

^Yeah, you know you trust the other person in the relationship. You know trust Hmm

greendale17 · 22/12/2018 20:52

OP I agree with you. She obviously wasn’t to be trusted and has duped her.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 22/12/2018 20:55

Mate - nobody else, male or female, can tell you whether she lied. And, ultimately, it doesn't matter. You're no longer with her. And, as you say, you're happy to be a father. You can spend a lifetime stewing over the past, looking for closure, justice, satisfaction or whatever else you might call it. But that's a great way of wasting your life. It is what it is. Rather than fret over this, just celebrate having those awesome little people in your life, and focus on being the best dad you can.

As for the rest of it - you'll never know. But that doesn't stop you learning from it. Take responsibility yourself, and use condoms.

eddielizzard · 22/12/2018 20:56

Well the relationship is over, as you said. I can only echo everyone else and ask: why haven't you taken any responsibility?

Ellisandra · 22/12/2018 21:08

My friend bought some online just last week - online private prescription.

I don’t know anyone who calls it “Birth Control Pill” - the pill or contraceptive pill usually. It sounds quite US, and you making a point of being a UKDad makes me wonder if your nationality stands out because you’re overseas? If this actually a UK question anyway?

katsucurry · 22/12/2018 21:17

Some absolutely ridiculous comments about the OP "choosing to allow her to get pregnant because he trusted she was on the pill". They made the contraceptive choice together - as a couple! Why wouldn't you trust your long-term partner?

So if they made the choice to use condoms as contraception and he took it off/pretended he was wearing one, that's her choosing to get pregnant because she trusted him? I think not.

M1dnightMadnesss · 22/12/2018 21:49

If the woman was using injection or implant you would not see any pills

BumbleBeee69 · 22/12/2018 21:52

Trapped is the word you’re looking for OP, and not just once, twice Shock

Use a Condom forever.

Windgate · 22/12/2018 22:08

Because she could. You failed to use adequate contraception

Luglio · 22/12/2018 22:13

Lol at a man who ejaculates into a woman and is aghast at the resulting children.

Boo fucking hoo. Twat.

Graphista · 22/12/2018 23:23

Sigh!

1 your fertility is YOUR responsibility if you don't want kids you abstain or you use condoms and if you never want kids get a vasectomy

2 NO contraception is 100% effective even if being used completely properly. My first pregnancy I was on the pill, definitely didn't want to get pregnant, hadn't had an upset stomach, missed any, late taking or on any contraindicated medication etc

2 re pill/prescription you're kinda both right. It requires a prescription but a prescription can be obtained without seeing a dr in person.

"I only suspected this recently after the break up" aka rewriting history in an attempt to paint yourself as a victim.

"So if they made the choice to use condoms as contraception and he took it off/pretended he was wearing one, that's her choosing to get pregnant because she trusted him? I think not." Completely different scenario - what you're describing here is called steal thing and is a form of sexual assault and legally recognised as such.

CaptainCabinets · 23/12/2018 00:57

I’m afraid you’ll never win here, OP; the man-haters are out in force tonight!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 23/12/2018 01:00

You can buy condoms OTC. HTH.

pissedonatrain · 23/12/2018 01:05

You have 2 DC now. Have you considered a vasectomy?

MrsTerryPratcett · 23/12/2018 01:05

Mate - nobody else, male or female, can tell you whether she lied. And, ultimately, it doesn't matter.

This.

I'm always astounded men are so blase about contraception. If the male pill existed I would still protect myself. Maybe it's because women have to go through pregnancy and childbirth. No idea but I'm always stunned how little men seem to take responsibility for this.

AloneInMyHead · 23/12/2018 01:14

I think everyone is being a bit unfair to OP. I think in a relationship you should be able to trust your partner if she says she's on the pill. A lot of couples stop using condoms once they are in a relationship if the woman is using the pill, it's pretty standard. The problem arises if your girlfriend lies. We obviously can't say whether she lied or not but if she did lie, she's wrong.

MrsTerryPratcett · 23/12/2018 01:16

I don't. He's not with her now. So trust is a moot point. He appears to want to 'blame' her for his children. Which doesn't make him sound great TBH.

twattymctwatterson · 23/12/2018 01:24

You sound like an MRA. You don't want kids? Use a condom. Especially after one unplanned pregnancy.

AloneInMyHead · 23/12/2018 02:23

MrsTerryPratcett

I would expect to be able to trust my partner if they said they were using contraception. I wouldn't expect my partner to insist on using condoms if I said I was on the pill, once we were in a relationship.

SandyY2K · 23/12/2018 02:46

I think everyone is being a bit unfair to OP. I think in a relationship you should be able to trust your partner if she says she's on the pill.

100% ^...^..

If a man said he was using a condom...then slipped it off... it would be called rape here on MN... as she didn't consent to sex without a condom.

I really do not believe 2 children would be accidentally conceived while on the pill. No doubt lots of ppl will now say it happened to them.

Many women would prefer all their kids with one dad...so even if the relationship is crap...they have deliberately got pregnant with the man.... while lying they're on the pill.

Especially if they're getting on...as in late 30s upwards. They realise the chances meeting a new man and getting to the stage of having a baby is against them.

When you can get the pill for free .. I can't see why anyone would go online for it...you can't get it without a prescription...and if a woman is too lazy to go to the GP for it.... I wouldn't trust them take it daily.

swingofthings · 23/12/2018 06:48

I hate these threads. Yes women lie about taking the pill to their partners all the time when they decide they want a child. It's so easy to do. It's amazing how all those contraception accidents seem to happen to women who want a child when the father is not keen and always decide to keep the baby because they are so against abortion. I know quite a number of women who didn't want a child and manage to avoid a pregnancy for many years despite regular intercourse.

Of course, accidents on the pill do happen but they are rare, much rarer than the claim of accidents.

I also don't get the 'if you don't a baby, wear a condom'. At one point of my marriage, my OH decided he didn't want a child when I did. I respected his decision though. If he'd announced that he wanted to start using condoms when I know he hates them, it would have been a clear statement that he didn't trust me and that would have knocked me for two, enough that it would have shaken the foundations of our marriage. He might as well have said he wanted me to wear a device to track my move because he didn't trust I wasn't cheating.

So yes OP, there is a high likelihood that she lied to you, but ultimately, if you love your kids and wouldn't give them back, just focus on this.

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