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Original poster

Strip clubs

62 replies

saralogan234 · 20/12/2018 10:40

Just wondering what the general opinions are on partners going to strip clubs?

My DP has his Christmas party tonight and I know every year it ends in a strip club. Quite happily for me he's always home before that bit of the night (a few of them do drugs and my DP is massively anti drugs so just shows his face and comes home), so I've never had to sort of say anything about it. But my friend who's partner goes, always goes to the clubs and has a "personal dance".

She has absolutely no issue with it and says it's just what men do, but I've got to be honest, I really wouldn't like it if my DP even went, let alone had the personal dance!

Am I being a bit over the top or would you feel the same? I guess it's each to their own?

OP posts:
Cat2014 · 20/12/2018 10:41

I would hate it and wouldn’t be with someone who thought it was ok to go to stripe clubs

Cat2014 · 20/12/2018 10:41

Haha strip not stripe!

SlowNorris · 20/12/2018 10:44

Wouldn’t bother me. Same way it wouldn’t if my sister spent the night watching Magic Mike and got a lap dance afterwards.

MagicalRealist · 20/12/2018 10:47

I wouldn’t be ok with it. I wouldn’t be happy if another woman writhed naked all over my DH in any other situation so why would it be ok just because he was paying her?

Original poster
saralogan234 · 20/12/2018 10:48

@Cat2014 a stripe club sounds quite fun 😂

OP posts:
RivanQueen · 20/12/2018 10:58

I wouldn't be bothered with my DP going to a strip club with his mates if it was on the odd/rare occasion (stag do for example). If it was a frequent thing it would bother me and I wouldn't like him paying to get a personal/lap dance from one of the women but that's my line and it might not bother someone else. I know he wouldn't care if I went and saw a Magic Mike show with my female friends but he wouldn't be happy with some oiled up guy grinding up against me.

SirGawain · 20/12/2018 11:04

it's just what men do
No it's not. Some men have more respect for themselves and their partners.

Gravel1 · 20/12/2018 11:16

first rule don't tell your partner your going - so British I really wouldn't worry its not like in greater Europe where they are mostly brothels.

Fairenuff · 20/12/2018 11:19

Your friend is not really happy about this, she just hasn't thought it through.

If the exact same person did the exact same strip and lap dance but instead of in a club it was 1-1 with her dp in their living room, she absolutely would not be fine with it I'm sure.

Original poster
saralogan234 · 20/12/2018 11:22

@Fairenuff to be honest, I think she's just came to terms with it. As in, he's going to do it so it's not worth the argument perhaps.

She does kind of make out like I'm a bit "uncool" for having an issue though so I'm not sure!

OP posts:
Escolar · 20/12/2018 11:25

My DH has gone to strip clubs on rare occasions (mainly stag nights), and on his own stag night his friends bought him a personal dance. I have no problem with it.

RivanQueen · 20/12/2018 11:27

There's nothing "uncool" about having an issue with your DP going to a strip club, just as there is nothing "cool" about her not getting upset about her fella going to them. Everyone has their opinions and everyone's opinions are valid. If you aren't comfortable with your DP going then let him know that and (if you feel like explaining yourself) tell him why. You would hope that he would respect your feelings about it and not go.

Nothisispatrick · 20/12/2018 11:29

It’s utterky disgusting and I wouldn’t be with a man who paid into the sex industry or sexual exploitation of women. How can any woman be okay with another naked woman dancing for their DP? If it wasn’t a stripper and just a woman he met out and not paid for it, would that be okay too? What is it about paying for it that makes it okay?

Nothisispatrick · 20/12/2018 11:30

Utterly*

sherrysfortea · 20/12/2018 11:32

No I don't like it.

DH went to one on his stag do and I felt physically repulsed. I don't care if I'm uncool. Commoditisation of the female body is not OK. Even if you don't have a private dance just paying for a drink or entrance fee you are supporting the establishment.

FYI I would have no interest in seeing a male stripper either.

SenoraSurf · 20/12/2018 11:38

I would 10000% rather my DH went to a strip club. Most UK clubs have strict licensing rules and for the most part, it's all an illusion and merely entertainment. Of course you get some girls that break rules like in any industry. However, your husband is much more likely to get grinded on and propositioned for actual sex or other acts in a normal club compared to a strip club. Women in normal clubs will be drunk and be more likely to lose their inhibitions. Strippers are at work, making money, mostly sober and chasing £ not affairs or one night stands.

I was a lap dancer for 10 years and most of my friends still are.

Nothisispatrick · 20/12/2018 11:39

I actually went to one when I was young and in love with an older man who worked in finance in the city.

The memory of it haunts me. The women were dead eyed.

I would never watch a male stripper either.

MagicalRealist · 20/12/2018 11:46

However, your husband is much more likely to get grinded on and propositioned for actual sex or other acts in a normal club compared to a strip club.

A lap dance IS sexual contact. It’s a naked woman writhing on top of a man who’s got an erection.

Fairenuff · 20/12/2018 11:54

Your friend is not in a loving, respectful relationship then OP. If her dp would rather 'argue his point' with her than listen to how she feels about it. It's sad but lots of women do perpetuate this misogyny.

SpiritedLondon · 20/12/2018 12:03

This debate emerges every couple of months and the responses are always divided.... some people are bothered and some are not. I’m personally not bothered but I also don’t have a DH who is likely to end up in a club. Saying that I think it’s a mistake to think all clubs are the same... my DH and I ended up in a lap dancing club with another couple because nowhere else was open for a drink one night ( back in my home town). There was no stripping in the main bar area and the women took punters to a room at the back. They mingled in skimpy outfits and obviously tried to persuade guys to buy the private dances. The woman I spoke to was clearly drunk. I would be more unhappy about my partner going to that sort of club than I would them going to a big Spearmint Rhino type of club.

VietnameseCrispyFish · 20/12/2018 12:42

Just for honesty’s sake, I’ve been to strip clubs many times as a teenager when I was single.

I wouldn’t be happy with OH going to one while he’s in a relationship with me, but if he was at some kind of event where literally everyone else was going (a stag maybe) I wouldn’t be too angry if he went to one as long as he didn’t get a private dance. Entering, having a drink and watching women on the poles, I wouldn’t be happy but i wouldn’t leave him over it. It’d be different if he was the instigator who chose to go, versus going along with friends where the alternative was to leave the group alone.

A private dance would be something I’d leave him over. I’ve had them. The women are totally naked, all over you, nipples a centimetre away from your mouth, their genitalia grinding on your leg. It’s sexual contact.

I get that everyone has different boundaries on this though, everyone has the right to state their own rules around what is and isn’t acceptable in their relationship and to end things if their partner breaks that agreement.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 20/12/2018 12:48

Absolutely not. My partner has never been to one and says he doesn't see the appeal. He also knows how I feel about it so he wouldn't go for that reason. I think for people's partners who do go, it's only ok if they don't have a problem with it.

fantasmasgoria1 · 20/12/2018 12:53

My fiance has never been to a strip club and would never go. I definitely would not be OK with it. Mind you if someone shows him something sexual such as a picture or video he goes bright red and quickly moves away!

Katgurl · 20/12/2018 12:53

I would not be anywhere near ok with it. My partner knows my feelings so it would be a double whammy of betrayal and I'd probably think about leaving him.

I have friends who wouldn't give a toss and they're not pretending, they really don't care. That's cool too.

erykahb · 20/12/2018 13:13

A personal dance is a no no.
Sometimes going into the strip club could be unavoidable but a private dance Envy that's different

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