Strip clubs

[saralogan234]

Just wondering what the general opinions are on partners going to strip clubs?

My DP has his Christmas party tonight and I know every year it ends in a strip club. Quite happily for me he's always home before that bit of the night (a few of them do drugs and my DP is massively anti drugs so just shows his face and comes home), so I've never had to sort of say anything about it. But my friend who's partner goes, always goes to the clubs and has a "personal dance".

She has absolutely no issue with it and says it's just what men do, but I've got to be honest, I really wouldn't like it if my DP even went, let alone had the personal dance!

Am I being a bit over the top or would you feel the same? I guess it's each to their own?

Relationship almost ended over this (and it was not even 'regular/annual).

It's not acceptable behaviour in a relationship to me.

And I think a lot of women who think they're ok with it are naive about strip/lap dancing clubs.

It's also not comparable to make strip shows; unless it's s show where women go into private booths with the male strippers afterward and rub genitals through clothes. Which generally doesn't happen. So I wish people ; usually women - would stop comparing the two.

All the people who say they draw the libevatva private dance; it's not beyond the realm of possibility that you'd partner might just be economical with the truth, after being pressured by peers, pressured by attractive lap dancers, getting a bit drunk etc.

I have never understood why some women are ok with this and yet would be appalled by their partner doing the same thing with a woman who wasn't a stripper . It is the same. And it's no good claiming it's about the lack of emotional connection involved - a one night stand isn't emotional either, but would certainly elicit more than a " all men do it" reaction. I just wonder why so many women have such low expectations of their partners.

I have no issues with strip clubs, or my DH going to one on a group night out like a stag do, mates birthday etc.
What I would have a problem with is him spending money on private dances or accepting a private dance that has been bought for him.
But just going to the club and having a few drinks with the group? Crack on.

Seems a bit tragic and grim to me. DH has the same opinion and says if you're single, who cares, but when you have someone who could have their feelings hurt over an expensive prick tease, why bother?

My DH wouldn't go to one. He did when he was younger, but now he's older and wiser about the objectification of women, he wouldn't.

I think any man (and women come to think of it) who can disassociate women in the sex industry, to women they have relationships with - not just partners, but also mum's, daughters, sisters etc., are seriously lacking something in their brain.

They 'other' them to make it more acceptable to their palate.

All the people who say they draw the libevatva private dance; it's not beyond the realm of possibility that you'd partner might just be economical with the truth, after being pressured by peers, pressured by attractive lap dancers, getting a bit drunk etc.

Well, yes, but it’s not beyond the realm of possibility for any man or woman to cheat if they want to.

I trust my OH 100% and I will continue to trust him unless he does something to break that trust. Why would I suddenly distrust his word if he went to a strip club and told me he’d been in but not had a private dance? If you’re with someone you don’t trust not to be a liar surely that’s not a great relationship.

Me and DP go to strip clubs together and have dances, I can see why some don't like it though, its not to everyone's tastes.

Really? Fantasmasgoria1 you are being wilfully naive. Has your dh never looked at porn? hes hiding it from you.

I think your friend sounds a bit dim to be honest....I don't know about the strip club question as I'm not really attracted to the ape man/plastic gangster types that commonly frequent them.

One things for sure she shouldn't be telling you what to think or do...Where you draw the line on these matters is your decision and yours alone!

I might just about accept a visit there seeing as it's Xmas but a personal dance, no bloody way, he's making a complete fool out your friend, and no, not all men do it, mainly the desperate untrustworthy ones I'd say.

Nothing cool about paying a woman to writher around your body, disrespectful to his partner and insulting to women in general.

It’s a no from me.

It’s not ‘just what men do’.

I’m male and have been in a strip club once. It wasn’t a planned thing but I was young, drunk and out with a group of lads who walked past one and decided to go in on the spur of the moment.

It was made evidently clear it was an above board upmarket place with zero touching allowed etc, and certainly not a brothel dressed up as a strip club. Nonetheless after about 20 mins I made my excuses and left. Just found it all a bit seedy and false and had a constant voice in the back of my head reminding me that the girls weren’t gyrating around because they couldn’t control their lust for us men, but because they likely had kids to feed, rent to pay and so on. I haven’t been back in one since (and won’t be) and I know a few of my other male friends outside of that particular group have a similar outlook on them.

This guy, and his friends, are still in a sense representing their company if it's attached to a staff night out. They are leaving themselves open to being suspended for gross misconduct, pending a disciplinary meeting. Then, if HR wants to, they can get sacked. I'll bet their contracts have clauses about racist, sexist etc behaviour. The company could invoke them, and dismiss them with no package. If they are in a union, the union will do the absolute minimum legally to represent them, as they are now toxic. ......

I would have no issue with my partner / DH going to a strip club.

In the past, I've gone to ones with my STBXH, I think I'm a bit older and wiser now so wouldn't go to one again but if that's what he wants to do, wouldn't bother me.

*Well, yes, but it’s not beyond the realm of possibility for any man or woman to cheat if they want to.

I trust my OH 100% and I will continue to trust him unless he does something to break that trust. Why would I suddenly distrust his word if he went to a strip club and told me he’d been in but not had a private dance? If you’re with someone you don’t trust not to be a liar surely that’s not a great relationship.*

Because lots of people don't see it as in the same realm as cheating,band therefore a white lie?
Because opportunities for a private dance are much much more readily available and pressured than the opportunity to cheat is on average.

It's simply not the momentous step that cheating is and strip clubs are set up around it in a way that no venue is set up to promote/arrange hook ups (other than swinging parties/orgies). So arguably someone would be much more likely to get get caught up in it and to 'white' lie about it.

Anyway even not going for a private dance, you'd be amazed what people can end up party to in son's clubs. That's why my policy is no clubs of that sort, end of.

Some not sons.

I'm bi I love a beautiful lady but it seems kinda stupid. Like distracting and really awkward. I think they would make more money fully clothed and just wanted to talk about your problems/ be your friend.

It wouldn't bother me, I don't think, but then DH finds the idea seedy and wouldn't be interested in going - he went to one in Blackpool on a stag do before I met him, and found it quite sad that the men wanted personal dances from women they didn't know when they had wives at home. I don't know if i would have a different opinion if there was any risk he would frequent strip bars, and whether it would make me insecure. It might do.

He wouldn't have an issue with me going to a Magic Mike type event, but it doesn't really interest me.

It would appear that some women don't have an issue with private dances because the dancer is doing it for money and doesn't really want to be there. They would however have a problem in their partner meeting a stranger in a nightclub and having sexual contact because both parties are willing. So basically as long as money changes hands and the women doesn't really want to be there that's fine . Odd attitude.

Guy here, don't like strip clubs but have found myself in one about on 3-4 occasions (I'm 30); stags, football nights out, city breaks in eastern europe. There are guys who get a kick out of it and these will usually be the guys in the group insisiting on going as part of the night.

A girl I know told her finace not to go to a strip club on his stag do in Vegas. It later came out they did go and he wasn't forthcoming about it. I think both of them were wrong here, he has obviously lied/didn't tell her, but I think she didn't need to be so controlling. He's away with a group of lads who would have wanted to stitch him up, nothing sexy about it.

Last time I was in was on a stag, none of us had a private dance, i personally couldn;t think of a bigger waste of money, but we had the stag basically being humiliated on stage. It was hilarious.

Last time I had the opportunity to go to one me and few lads in the group actually went to a seperate bar for some drinks. I think It was more a financial decision though; no entrance fee and cheaper drinks in a normal bar.

I think what I'm trying to say is it's not just something 'all men do', but also not all men go to perve and with the intention of cheating. As with most things in a relationship context is everything, hard/fast rules about this with relationship ending consequences are extreme and controlling, IMO.

I appreciate there is also a moral/ethical side of this related to trafficking and exploitation of women, which I think is the actual issue with strip clubs. But I don't thinks that is what most wives would first take issue with.

"Because it's Christmas" Brilliant.

It's a deal breaker for me, op.

Because it's Christmas" Brilliant.

😂😂 I noticed that too. Bizarre.

I wouldn't be mad. We used to go to them together but I became too unsure about the whole thing to feel I could support it any more. If he suddenly started going regularly on his own for kicks I'd be but if it was a stag do or something I don't think I'd have a leg to stand on.

What I find hard to understand is women who seem to have no issues at all about partners constantly watching porn and yet object to strip clubs and private dances etc ,a lot of porn is giving the guy access to ‘acts’ that are way more than the average strip club. Is it because one involves a living, breathing person?