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Original poster

Partners ex keeps getting in contact since finding out I’m pregnant

98 replies

Mamatobe83 · 20/12/2018 07:00

Hi

I wanted a bit of advice on here please.

I am pregnant with my first child with my partner. His ex girlfriend of 6 years requested to follow me on Instagram before I was pregnant. We have mutual friends in common, she has a partner and a little boy so I thought nothing of it and followed her back. I spoke to my partner who has not spoken or seen her in 2 years and he also thought it would be harmless. Their split was amicable and was due to her wanting to start a family and him realising she wasn’t who he wanted to be with to do that.

She found out from a mutual friend of ours that I am pregnant, prior to me posting anything on social media to announce this, and emailed my partner telling him how happy she was about the news and reminisced about times when they were together. I felt quite angry about this email as she doesn’t know me, or my partner anymore, and whilst it may come from a place of kindness I felt it was inappropriate, especially when I hadn’t told close friends about it.

I received a message from her a few months later stating that she had bought the baby some gifts and could she come round and give them to me. I have never met her and I now live in the house she previously lived in with my partner. My partner is not comfortable with her coming round and I definitely couldn’t think of anything more awkward. I politely declined stating we were busy. We then received the very generous gifts from our mutual friend and I sent a polite thank you.

Since then she has sent me links via Instagram to things she thinks I might like and comments on my posts. We recently started to receive post for her even though she moved out 6 years ago and she has emailed my partner asking to come round and collect it. He replied stating that he will drop it off at a friend who lives nearby.

I don’t know if I’m being paranoid about the above but I’m unsure as to why she keeps trying to be involved in our lives and why she apparently wants to come to the house. Part of me thinks she’s had things delivered here on purpose so she can keep getting in touch with us. Especially as we have not previously had anything. Everytime she gets in touch it makes me feel stressed and we have to talk about a woman who isn’t even part of either of our lives. I just want to focus on the upcoming new arrival and us but don’t know how to go about stopping this intrusion into our lives without seeming mean. Any advice greatly appreciated.

P.S I find it hard not to think about things a lot despite trying to ignore them. So that is not really an option.

OP posts:
notmuchmoretogive · 27/04/2019 20:23

Poor you. Do you rent or own?

IvanaPee · 27/04/2019 20:29

Fuck me that’s weird!

I agree with just totally ignoring them.

Grumpelstilskin · 27/04/2019 20:41

She is a fucking weirdo with knobs on! Her DP is in denial about his partner being obsessed with another man. Because she quite clearly is. I'd ignore and blank her if they do move in. This is like the beginning of a plot for a horror psycho story.

katy78 · 27/04/2019 20:57

I would seriously look into making moving possible - contact the bank to find out about any fees for ending your fixed rate earlier - you may be surprised that it might not be much), get a valuation.
If you can’t move, change the locks, increase the locks ie get a bolt and install security.
IGNORE and BLOCK.

katy78 · 27/04/2019 20:58

I also wouldn’t really want to live in that house knowing he shared it with his ex. I would say moving would be the best option for several reasons.

Grainedmonkey · 27/04/2019 21:51

I agree it would be difficult to stay if psycho Ex moves in opposite. It's alright saying just ignore them but she will be right there, spying from across the road.

katy78 · 27/04/2019 22:12

Are you a joint tenant OP? You might also want to consider moving ASAP for your own security if not given you have a child and are not married, so you can ensure you are both on the deeds.

Comps83 · 27/04/2019 22:34

I’d look into getting cctv if you haven’t already

Order654 · 28/04/2019 02:29

Just ignore them both as soon as they move in.

Don’t even give them a friendly hi.

Bloody weirdos!

ShinyShoe · 28/04/2019 03:10

Wow that’s very weird!

Original poster
Mamatobe83 · 28/04/2019 06:09

We’ve agreed that if we see her we’re not going to speak to her, like you say no hellos and treat her like we don’t know her. If she attempts to speak to us we’re going to tell her we’re not interested in being friends or speaking to her and for her to leave us alone. I can’t see how she could continue trying to contact us after that as it would be definite stalker behaviour if she is persistent. If it continues to cause us stress then we will consider putting the house on the market. I don’t want to rush into selling.

OP posts:
CKWattisthemanager · 28/04/2019 06:24

Does her DP/DH know about her recent low level but persistent stalkerish behaviour though OP? If he is unaware of what she has been up to and I suspect he is, he would say that wouldn't he? She would also go silent. It's time for him to find out the truth or you two probably would come off as being paranoid when you are not.

justilou1 · 28/04/2019 06:41

Oh gawd - I would definitely think about contacting her dp and letting him know about her using your address for mail all of a sudden, the constant stream of contact requests despite your requests for her to stop, etc and that if she doesn't respect your privacy, that you are going to contact the police from day one. I would also suggest that he stop minimising her stalkery behaviour and seriously re-think the move.

pinkgloves · 28/04/2019 13:48

Maybe it is just a coincidence she's moving there. It does sound a little odd though!

Gruzinkerbell1 · 28/04/2019 16:12

How can it be a coincidence? She knows exactly where they live as she used to live there before OP. It is very deliberate.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/04/2019 17:51

I don't believe in coincidences... and I certainly don't buy this being mere coincidence .. Hmm

HappyLife21 · 28/04/2019 18:02

Woah, that’s escalated!

Peacocking · 29/04/2019 15:06

As a previous post suggested - get CCTV. Blink and Ring are both good systems. Set CCTV up asap for your own peace of mind.

RomanyQueen1 · 29/04/2019 15:11

How weird from all sides.
I don't think I'd want to be friends with one of dh exes, but you agreed, and were happy about this, until she became friendly.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 29/04/2019 15:40

I don't think OP and her DH have been remotely weird. DH and I both invited several exes to our wedding. Lots of people are on friendly terms with their exes.

MIA12 · 29/04/2019 17:50

How bizarre! Not sure how you should handle this but it’s creepy as hell.

Original poster
Mamatobe83 · 30/04/2019 19:05

Thanks for your advice, I’ll keep you updated with what happens next. Moving just isn’t an option currently unless things get unbearable! I keep looking over at the house when I go out the front, thinking I’ll see them and they’ve not even moved in yet! Sad

OP posts:
HJWT · 01/05/2019 11:33

@Mamatobe83 just totally ignore her, and if she try's to come over and be neighbourly just tell her its not appropriate and you would appreciate if she keeps her distance. Don't let her get to you she sounds a bit unstable 😁

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