What are your dealbreakers?

[SadVillageGirl]

I always seem to set my bar really low and every time one of my dealbreakers are broken, I stick with the relationship regardless. I always seem to minimise the harm or the effect and then find it hard to end the relationship. What are your minimum standards as I think I need to reset mine!!

Addictions including porn.
Controlling behaviour.
Chauvinism.
Racism, bigotry.
Cheating/polygamy.

Not contributing at least half financially.
(If we have a child/children together) not doing a fair share.

What merville said , plus big debt, unkindness, inability to know how to make themselves happy.

Addictions - drug/sex/alcohol/gambling
Insolvency
Illegitimate/unpaid for/unseen children
Controlling narcissistic personality
Dishonesty

Cheating
Lack of accountability and responsibility
Racism
Homophobia

Laziness
Entitlement
Chauvinism

All of the above!
I also couldn’t date someone who took drugs recreationally or was heavily in to a sport/hobby. It’s selfish but I know it would do my head in so I just wouldn’t bother.

Not contributing at least half financially.

So you’d need someone with a different set of rules to you.

Not being equal in the relationship.
Abuse
Addiction
Lying
Lack of trust

All of the above plus:

Smoking
Fixated on football
Not being an animal lover
Bad manners
Selfish

Where would you like me to start ?

Seriously though....I think if I had to pick one word/phrase to sum up my dealbreakers (and to cover a multitude of sins) I would say lack of integrity

Misogynist
Racist
Homophobe
Monolingual
Drug user
Pornography user
Refuses to cook
Non- reader
Pessimist
Leave supporter (now)

A Tory

Here are the personality traits i value the most....

Integrity - i need to know someone will make the right choices when my back is turned

Loyalty - this is not a play space for a dog with 10 dicks who continually seeks the thrill of the chase/something new

Compassion - people who enjoy others suffering through spite and pettiness (or enjoy others suffering at all) Noooooooo

Kindness - everyone loves a big smile and a warm hug to come home to

Authenticity - fake/shallow/vain/selfish people....yuck

Do you know and have you 'internally set' your boundaries or do you just find yourself struggling to enforce them when they've been violated?

My boundaries??

If someone is making me unhappy and I don't have to deal with them out of absolute necessity; I've expressed this and it doesn't change, or they refuse to acknowledge my feelings/be held accountable for their behaviour then they have to go.

You can't change or control other people's bad behaviour but you can change or control your reaction to it.

X

So you’d need someone with a different set of rules to you.

No, I could be with anyone who also wanted their partner to contribute half financially.

As for less than half, that commonly happens when a couple has children (in monetary terms, not calculating childcare etc value); there are exceptions of course but it's usually the woman who contributes less (in cash)- until a return to full-time work. Some don't return to full time work or work at all.

If I had my time again i'd go for someone socialable, someone fit and healthy and somone fun, not grumpy

Dh doesn't drink or smoke or cheat

But he doesn't like sport, pubs, restaurants, going out, going abroad

Its dull

(Referring to work outside the home of course)

I'll be honest only children can be pains in the arses

Drugs
Racism
MRAs
TRAs
Science deniers
Zealots
Abusers
Narcissists
Some MH disorders but not all
Some disabilities but not all
And people who announce they're going for a pee or poo on dates

Any kind of cheating, serial flirting, drooling over other women in front of me, I take as a sign of disloyalty and it immediately turns me off.

Wow, where to even start!? Bigotry, poor hygeine, nail biting, voting Conservative, sport lover, someone who wasn't a feminist or didn't like cats...

Nice @AnyFucker

@koko12 wtf is an illegitimate child? It's 2018 not 1918.

Yes yes to lack of personal hygiene and lack of integrity

Smoking
Tattoos
Infidelity
Economical with the truth
Drugs
Poor hygiene