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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So scared HIV

64 replies

Scared88 · 18/12/2018 10:04

I am the stupidest woman ever I had a one night stand unprotected two months ago. He didnt ejaculate in me...

After I came to my sense the next day I asked him had he been tested and he said he was all clear from
STDs

I am panicking I have HIV I had a cold about 5 weeks after the event- I’m a teacher so I assumed time of year it wasn’t bad enough to take any time off work but felt sluggish and fell
Asleep very early one night.

The country I live has 1000 people living with HIV 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m
So angry st myself

OP posts:
deepwatersolo · 18/12/2018 10:09

Just go get tested for your own sanity, once it makes sense (what is the incubation window from infection to possible detection, 6 weeks). And your numbers make no sense. 1000 out of how many live with HIV? (Not that it matters, you‘ll get a binary answer, anyway. Yes or No.)

Original poster
Scared88 · 18/12/2018 10:10

Out of 1.8 million

OP posts:
Notacluethisxmas · 18/12/2018 10:12

You are very very unlikely to have caught HIV.

Getting tested is sensible. But given the figure you have quoted, the odds are that you haven't got it.

Do you suffer from anxiety in general?

formerbabe · 18/12/2018 10:12

The country I live has 1000 people living with HIV

In what way is this relevant? In a population of 2000 people for example, that would be a huge number and you'd be right to be concerned. In a population of 100 million, it's a tiny percentage and you'd most likely be absolutely fine.

Get tested and put your mind at rest.

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 18/12/2018 10:13

There’s no point in torturing yourself. Go and get yourself tested for all infections, including HIV. One occasion, without ejaculation and with a person who denies HIV+ status I would think it very unlikely that you would have contracted the virus. The only way to know for sure is to be tested.

However, should the results be positive, the treatments are excellent these days. Keeping viral loads below detectable levels and allowing people to live long and healthy lives, have children and safe relationships whilst living with HIV.

All the best Smile

formerbabe · 18/12/2018 10:14

Ok...just saw your update.

You'd be extremely unlucky to have caught it...you're probably fine but get yourself tested to put your mind at rest.

Original poster
Scared88 · 18/12/2018 10:15

I have an appointment for Thursday so nervous

OP posts:
DonDrapersOldFashioned · 18/12/2018 10:16

HIV is a common thing to obsess about in people with health anxiety. As other PP’s have said, do you usually worry about your health?

Original poster
Scared88 · 18/12/2018 10:22

No not usually I have never had a ons before and the fact I did it unprotected I’m
So
Angry and disgusted at myself

OP posts:
bethy15 · 18/12/2018 10:23

Calm down and get tested.

If you only had the ONS two months ago, your cold lasting a long time has nothing at all to do with that, the effects wouldn't come on the very next day after you had sex.

You're in your head, however if you react like this (and no judgement, I'm very similar to you) then why have unprotected sex with a stranger? Put some condoms in your purse for now on, then you'll never be caught out.

deepwatersolo · 18/12/2018 10:28

When l and partner got together, we went to HIV testing together. (It was at a time when there was no life prolonging treatment). We were in our early twenties, hetero and had both not had much experience (1-2 partners each). The test was done in some ngo for gays (the only place it could be done in our city, back then).
We must have made such an odd, out of place impression on the guy who did the counselling beforehand, that he felt compelled - after lauding us for being so responsible - to say he had customers who regularly went to orgies, no protection, hundreds of partners a year and got tested yearly - so far negative.
Now, I don‘t want to advocate going down that path, and once can be one time too many and all, but one needs to keep things in perspective, now that what was done is done.

explodingkitten · 18/12/2018 10:37

Even if you had sex with someone with untreated HIV then the chance of infection is still only 1 %. You don't know if he had HIV, he said he didn't and even if he did you don't know what his viral load was (you can't infect someone if your viral load is 0). (I used to work in a hospital collecting data about this).

I agree that you should get tested and be more careful next time but although there is a chance of infection, it is quite low.

VixenSixen · 18/12/2018 10:45

There is so much misinformation about HIV, it is actually incredibly difficult to catch...... It depends largely on a person's viral load (how much virus they have in their system etc.).

That being said, you an get rapid HIV testing now and find out a result very quickly.

I would get a full STD screen and have a good supply of protection available in your home, bag, car etc for future events. And don't ever be afraid to navigate the whole using protection thing before you find yourself in the heat of the moment. State it is non negotiable and any man worth your time will respect that. Sexual health is so important.

Don't beat yourself up about it.... Hope it goes OK for you on Thursday Xx

mindutopia · 18/12/2018 11:07

You need to relax. The chances of coming in contact in your lifetime with a partner with HIV in such a low prevalence country is incredibly small. I’m an HIV specialist and I’ve had people with HIV literally bleed all over me with no gloves on (not that you can get HIV from casual contact, I’m just saying this to make a point!), and I’ve never panicked. Everyone has a cold this time of year. The sort of immune response you would have after primary infection is generally quite severe, more like the flu than a cold, a week in bed with swollen glands.

More than likely you are absolutely fine. But go get a full sexual health MOT to reassure yourself. I used to get fully checked between every partner when I was still dating. It’s a wise thing to do anyway. But in the meantime please relax and don’t let this drive you nuts.

TropicPlunder · 18/12/2018 11:15

If you feel there's a high risk of transmission, go to a clinic asap and ask about post exposure prophylaxis treatment before testing

deepwatersolo · 18/12/2018 11:17

tropic Two months ago is too far gone for post exposure prophylaxis, no?

TropicPlunder · 18/12/2018 11:20

It is, yes. Sorry, I missed the timing and thought this had just happened

ClaudiaWankleman · 18/12/2018 11:20

Two months is way too late for PEP.

Seroconversion is normally much worse than just a cold - it is a proper flu, although not everyone experiences this anyway.

Original poster
Scared88 · 18/12/2018 11:31

Thank you everyone

I am going to the local gum clinic for testing I wonder is it a finger prick test or bloods they do for HIV

I have learnt my lesson big time never ever again

OP posts:
Original poster
Scared88 · 18/12/2018 11:32

I also messaged the guy again last night and he said he is all clear and not to be worrying 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Scared88 · 18/12/2018 14:15

I have convinced myself I have this I’m gonna be a mess on Thursday

OP posts:
Londontower · 18/12/2018 14:19

Have you had a rash? If not, it is less likely. Just get tested to set your mind at rest.

Londontower · 18/12/2018 14:20

Unless you’re displaying symptoms, they’ll probably send you away with a home test kit. It’s easy to use and you’ll be sent your results in a week. Please don’t worry,

Londontower · 18/12/2018 14:22

Also, interestingly, HIV is actually easier to treat and manage than diabetes these days.

I work with HIV lots, I wouldn’t be worrying if I was you.

Bombardier25966 · 18/12/2018 14:22

Please don't text the man again, he's going to think you're very strange.

Why are you convinced you have HIV? Nothing you have told us would point to that.

(I have a shocking cold at the moment, and have had unprotected sex with multiple partners over the years. I'm not panicking about HIV.)