So scared HIV

[Scared88]

I am the stupidest woman ever I had a one night stand unprotected two months ago. He didnt ejaculate in me...

After I came to my sense the next day I asked him had he been tested and he said he was all clear from
STDs

I am panicking I have HIV I had a cold about 5 weeks after the event- I’m a teacher so I assumed time of year it wasn’t bad enough to take any time off work but felt sluggish and fell
Asleep very early one night.

The country I live has 1000 people living with HIV 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m
So angry st myself

I understand that anxiety can be illogical and extremely overwhelming, but based on the facts the chances of everything being fine is extremely high. Get checked anyway for peace of mind, but the time between exposure and detection for HIV and I think gonorrhoea is 12 weeks so you might have to wait. Sorry to hear you're so worried OP and without trying to be rude you might find it helpful to see what help there for anxiety near you. Just a chat with your gp can get the ball rolling x

It is massively unlikely, I had to go through 6 months of testing recently after a rape which was high risk, all clear for everything except HSV which over 70% of the population (25% below the belt) carry anyway.

The clinic will do swabs and a blood test for everything and send you on your way to await a text response.

It’s so hugely unlikely they didn’t even recommend the prophylaxis treatment when I was in the timeframe as it makes you ill.

You’ll be fine but do need help with your anxiety, please don’t text the guy again it’s a bit offensive to him at this point!!

Oh and you can catch MANY STDs even with protection the stats show so...

I had no rash it was a cold but I just felt crap I didn’t even take anything for it as it was manageable...I didn’t think anything if it at the time as my son had been vommiting the week before but yesterday I was thinking back and just convinced myself

I have depression and over think. The guy has a healthy three year old DC too

Leather and silk I’m
So sorry that happened to you

Oh, OP. I have been exactly where you are

I started having flu like symptoms and found a swollen gland in my underarm. This was about 6 weeks after a very suddenly drunken night out where I couldn't remember getting home and woke with a scratch on my inner thigh. I still don't know what happened that night. I had a 4 yo and I was terrified, but I couldn't bring myself to get tested.

Over the next few months and even years, I displayed soooo many symptoms. Petechaie , lethargy, more swollen lymph nodes, muscle pain. You name it and I was experiencing it. I actually went to the GP after about a year. I didn't mention HIV. I just couldn't. She didn't even mention blood testing me.

The symptoms persisted - itching, cramps, etc. Still I couldn't face being told what I already knew - that I had it. I read up so much on it and convinced myself if I looked after myself, took vitamins, etc. I'd live to see my son reach his teens. I started writing him a letter to tell him what he meant to me. But I still could not face having it confirmed, despite reading all about the advances in medicine, it was the stigma for me and my son that scared me.

Eventually, in 2015, I couldn't take the symptoms anymore. I plucked up the courage and went to the GP again. She was a locum this time. I broke down in front of her. She told me it was highly unlikely that I had it, and that I was probably making myself ill. She prescribed me anxiety medication and took my bloods.

Yes, they were negative, and yes, since then I am pretty much clear of all the symptoms I was having.

But I lived in fear for years. And that was shameful and selfish of me.

I wish you the best of luck. Get this done and get on with your life, either way.
But I have no doubt you will be fine x

YourHobittness

How did you manage for years that must of been so frightening

I think the thing scaring me is the cold I took. I don’t even understand why I did it...the fact I didn’t know him has scared me I know bits about him but not enough iyswim

I’ve also met someone I would love to go somewhere and all I’m thinking is my luck and I’ll have it and he’ll run a mile

You've made a mistake and you're dealing with it. You're human.
If anything it's more likely you would have picked up another STI, such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea. Go full a full screening.

Yes I’m getting a full screening...I really hope he hasn’t lied to me.

OP I was in a very similar situation about 8 years ago. I had just come out of a very long term relationship and had an ill-advised ONS with someone I met at a club. I didn’t really want to have sex with him but he convinced me/pressured me and the condom split. I absolutely freaked out and was an anxious mess for months. I got tested ( paid to go privately as you used to have to wait 12 weeks on NHS) andeas of course negative but did the same repetitive texting of him until he thought I was mad. I then had the same worry the next time I had sexual contact with someone. Health anxiety is an absolute nightmare, I really do understand. It’s that that you need help with- can you speak to your GP about getting some therapy for that? And please don’t beat yourself up for having a ONS - as long as you were both consenting adults, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Sending love x

I’m at my GP tomorrow and then gum thurs was gonnacancel GP but gonna go for a chat anyway.

My marriage broke up at the start of the way then the guy I fell for after dumped me the week before I went and had the ONS It’s so out of character for me

I’ve realised my self esteem is just shit atm. I really hope I can have a nice fresh start in 2019!

OP, I hope you find that the results bear out the odds, which work hugely in your favour.

I'm not sure if anyone else has posted this, but it may be that your anxiety is more about your guilt about the ons, which you fear in some way will punish you - in this case, with HIV.

I bet you're all clear.

Thank you I really hope so

Have woke up with a horrible cold/flu which has not helped my anxiety..,can GPS do rapid testing?

You have woken up with a cold and flu as it is cold and flu season, not because you have HIV.
I don’t think the GP offers rapid testing but you can have it done privately. I paid for it once after a similar incident to the one in your OP (recently split with long term partner, had unprotected sex for the first and only time in my life and it sent me into a spiral of severe anxiety). I think it cost me about £300.
I will point out though that it didn’t cure my anxiety. I went on to look up how many results are false negatives, situations in which it wouldn’t show up on the test for various reasons... I was a mess. It was nothing to do with the (minuscule) HIV risk and everything to do with everything else that was going on in my life that needed addressing.

And like a PP, every ‘symptom’ of HIV id had previously miraculously disappeared as soon as I’d addressed the underlying anxiety.

OP, most people I know have got a ‘Christmas cold’ at the moment. Including me. It is more likely to be a combination of seasonal cold virus and anxiety around HIV than actual HIV seroconversion, as PP’s have said.

OP, I’m sorry you have this anxiety over contracting HIV. I know more about this than I ever thought possible, and you have had some great knowledgeable advice on here.

HIV is incredibly difficult to catch. I know couples where one half had been unknowingly living with it for many years and having loads of unprotected sex - and they never passed it on to the other.

Re your cold, which you say started 5 weeks after the incident - I hope you feel better soon, but absolutely nothing to do with HIV. Both my daughters have colds at the moment - I don’t. If it helps, here’s a bit of the science...
Seroconversion usually occurs starts 1-3 weeks after infection, with average time being around 10 days. This is when the body makes antibodies. Although 4 in 5 people (80%) get symptoms, 1 in 5 (20%) do not.

Typically this can be flu-like symptoms, enlarged lymph nodes, a rash etc. Actually FWIW I had none of that.My sero was not being able to keep food or drink down for about 2 weeks.

So...it’s great that you are getting tested for all STIs and being responsible for your own health. As already said, other STIs are much more easily contracted. I’d also like to add, that if by any chance this guy has HIV and knows it, then he would be taking antiviral medication which would most like.y have the virus suppressed and so be unable to pass it on to anyone else, no matter how much unprotected sex he has...sorry, but thems the facts!!!

I’d also like to mention re the poster who said that PEP makes you ill ...no it doesn’t. Not to the majority of people who take it, and this shouldn’t put people off if anyone has recommended they do so. I actually take 2 out of the 3 components in my daily meds just like lots of people and they work fine for us with no illness.

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m sure you could probably shake me worrying about this when you are living this. I am at my GP today for a chat and then GUm on Thursday morning.

Tbh I don’t know why I’m so focused on HIV and that’s what has worried me more because I’m worried it’s my intuition 😣😣

HIV is a common ‘health anxiety’. Sadly there’s still a lot of stigma around it, and that’s why people focus on it.

Since I shared my story on here about 18 months ago to raise awareness (divorced women, new relationships etc etc), I’ve found that HIV anxiety can be a real problem for a lot of women, especially those who lived through the TV tombstone ad days. Thing is, nowadays, while it’s still crap to have, it’s actually more easily managed than a lot of other conditions.

I hope the GP can help with the anxiety (although I’m not sure how aware some are on latest developments etc), and the GUM clinic I’m sure will be very reassuring.

Btw, I’ve just read an article about a guy who was diagnosed pos at 84 yrs old, and is about to turn 100

To the poster above who shared their story, you are so right. I’ve been in appointments with people as they’ve been told that they have HIV, I think that’s the hardest part because lots of people don’t understand how treatable it is and assume the worst. As you say, viral load can be reduced to the point of undetectable so easily with medication. And after years in this field, much better understanding of implications I would infinitely rather be diagnosed with HIV than Cancer. HIV can be controlled in a way that cancer, particularly in relation to metastatic cancer cannot. I think it’s a real shame that awareness isn’t better promoted, more people would feel confident seeking treatment and it would reduce the unnecessary stigma.

Have you ever suffered with Health Anxiety at all? I do and HIV has been something that I convinced myself of having after a stupid one night thing.
I also developed a bad cold with achey joints and had told myself that I had it. No logic worked despite knowing how difficult it is to contract and the only thing that got rid of my anxiety was getting tested and seeing the negative result.
I've since undergone therapy for anxiety and OCD and realise a lot of my issues come from low self esteem and almost believing that I deserved something bad to happen to me. Remember that feelings are not fact no matter how strongly you believe them to be true at the moment or intuition as you called it. You made a mistake, who hasn't? That doesn't mean you are now ill because of it. I hope you feel much better when you get the result which I am very certain will be negative.

Thank you all so much I haven’t been able to talk to anyone irl about this and you have all settled me so much

@Londontower - absolutely right. Some of us do what we can to promote awareness and knowledge. There was the MP, Lloyd Russell-Moyle, who stood up in Parliament recently and disclosed, and loads on the news/radio about it just before World Aids Day.

I understand the constraints of the NHS etc, but would love to see another massive ad campaign - along the lines of Know Your Status, and how well controlled it is nowadays. Charities like THT are doing what they can, but this needs to reach a much wider audience. As a country we have got to over 90% of people knowing their status, over 90% on treatment and over 90% with an undetectable viral load...just need to find the 5,000 or so people who are estimated to be living with HIV but don’t know it.

HIV isn't easy to catch. It's possible but very unlikely.

PIV sex isn't the easiest way to catch it. If it was anal or you already had another STD at the time you'd have a higher chance but some people even multiple times with someone who does have it don't contract it.

Why I think it's really unlikely is that he had unprotected sex with you himself and if he did have HIV and knew that he did - that would be a crime to withhold that information from you. It would be deliberately putting you at risk of contracting it.

People who do have HIV I think are very aware of how to have sex safely and viral loads etc.

You should definitely test but I don't think that you are going to find anything out other than reassurance. Especially if he's a heterosexual man who had PIV sex and gets tested. I wouldn't contact him about it again.