Lost

[Nevyn69]

Just over a week ago, my wife of 14 years and partner for 19 has told me she no longer loves me and wants to part ways.

I've been on a roller coaster of emotions, and this weekend she and our son (nearly 14) have gone away for the weekend to "give me some space to work my sh*t out".

I am at a complete loss as to how to even start.

I can't afford to move out and pay the mortgage as well, we can't afford to sell as we are early stages of renovations and she can't afford to move out or manage the house we have on her own as she has a part-time self-employed business, in fact has not has a regular income for close to 15 years.

I have fallen into the trap many do and her friends have become my only real friends other than a couple of close ones who live 100s of km away.

I am lost. I seem to be cornered into a hopeless situation with few options.

Every option I have looked at results in financial disaster, and yet, the only other options also look untenable.

I really am lost.

Could you reconnect with a family member? Sounds like you could really use someone to talk to in real life.

Even though you say your friends are 100s of miles away... could you speak to them online/on the phone?

@MothershipG because I have to move from the town, I can find nowhere to live and can't buy anything either as I have no money from the settlement.

I have already moved to a city nearby, a soul-destroying hole of a place.

There is work opportunities elsewhere. So I am going where the work is.

The boy is angry I moved. He also needs stability, and my current living situation means he can't visit or stay and I can't afford to drive 40 minutes each way to see him.

Feel free to magic up a teleport fairy.

Parents all over regularly drive more than 40 mins to see their kids. They scrimp and make it happen. No one teleports. No one has fairies to help out.

There’s a note of self-pity and a shrugging off of the responsibility of fatherhood in your posts. The stability your son needs is for you to make the effort and commitment to see him regularly. You sound like you’ve opted out. Poor kid.

I'm really sorry this happened to you @Nevyn69

Please don't cut ties with your child because of a 40 minute drive.

My dad was the same as you I guess, it was too hard to see us, so he just phoned once a year to ruin our birthdays with the reminder that he didn't give a fuck. And, I am sure, told the world it wasn't his fault and all he could possibly do is "cut ties".

I know you are sad and bereft but for fuck's sake. Phone your son once a week, text daily, write him letters. And drive to see him once a month or once a quarter. It's ok for him to be angry - he is only young and will understand in time what happened.

I challenge you to come up with a reason that you couldn't stay in touch with him somehow!

Or is it just that you don't want him anymore?

Don't fuck your son's life up. He's more important than you, that's what it means to have a child.

Hi op

I commented a year ago when you first posted

I know you're sad, unhappy, pissed off etc etc but can't you out all your energy into creating a relationship with your son ?

He's angry yes but he's all the family you've got it sounds like

my current living situation means he can't visit or stay

Why not ? Make it fun, sleep on the floor and let him have the bed, do anything you can

Yes you'll have money but you'll always miss him

It's a shame you didn't post frequently , or go to Citizens advice , change solicitor , how have you ended with nothing from the house

Sorry OP. It sounds like she silently checked out a while ago and that is a betrayal of marriage but nothing you can do. However, suggesting you get your sh*t together has tones of she thinks she has communicated the issues to you before and is now fed up.

Take some time to digest this before you traumatise your child with the rejection he'll feel.

My father kept our relationship going even when we moved a 11 hour round trip away. It meant so much.

Hopefully,and understandably,youre just venting,and given the circumstances yourre well within your rights to.
My marriage broke down when my Son was 15 too,and ffs do whatever you can to be there for him,hes the closest thing that you have in the world and however you behave now will shape your relationship with him forever. Put aside all bad feelings regarding his Mother,draw a line under it all and begin a new,adult relationship with him whichever way you can given your immediate circumstances. Text him and make plans for the future together,your situation now might sound dire but its only a temporary thing.
I mean this in the nicest possible way,but you need to man-up and stop feeling sorry for yourself,shit happens and you now have the chance to forge a new,adult relationship with him-And ffs he needs you more than ever now too.
Please feel free to inbox me if you`re struggling

What Specialized said.

I'm sorry for your situation. But yes. Man up. If you can't visit your son, ring your son. Ring him every day. Text him every morning to say you hope he has a nice day. Text him at night to ask what went on his day. If he doesn't answer or talk much, you know what? He will remember that you did it. That you didn't give up. Theres really no excuse to not try and not text or call at the very least.