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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

advice on sex please!

19 replies

foxy1 · 25/06/2007 12:19

hello everyone,

Wanted some advice on sex. i have 2 year old and 5 month old (both by c section). We have not had sex since birth of second (or when i found out i was pregnant). when do you find time for sex with kids and how often do you do it. any tips on getting in the mood for it. what positions do you do it in? i dont particularly like the missionary position as I get a little bit claustraphobic - how would you handle that one? any advice?

thank you

OP posts:

CayKon · 25/06/2007 12:50

At least you won't make my mistake. After dd was born we got straight back to it, by the time she was 3 months I was pg with ds. oopppss!!

suzywong · 25/06/2007 12:51

slapper

LilRedWG · 25/06/2007 12:52

Trip trap?

NotQuiteCockney · 25/06/2007 12:53

If you get claustrophobic, maybe you on top would be easier? Or from behind, or spoonwise?

People vary a lot in how often they have sex. I think most people manage it when the kids are in bed.

Did you used to have more sex, before the kids? Why didn't you have sex while pregnant?

It's normal to not be in the mood when you have small children and are tired all the time and are sick of having them always grabbing at you ...

Original poster

foxy1 · 25/06/2007 13:01

when i was pregnant, i felt sick for quite a while and then was worried about damaging baby as had miscarriage before. how would you broach the subject with partner about positions? I know my husband likes the missionary position as he like to be in control - this is what i am worried about. thank you!

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 25/06/2007 13:03

You need to talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn't know you feel claustrophobic, then how is he to stop?

As for him wanting to feel 'in control' ... that sounds slightly ominous tbh. I mean, surely sex is something you both do together, isn't it?

Original poster

foxy1 · 25/06/2007 13:14

i have mentioned it before that i felt claustrophobic in this position and on that occasion he said that he would stop if i felt uncomfortable. i then relaxed and was fine on that occasion as i knew that if i needed to could change positions. the next time i felt unsure as to whether he would still be relaxed about it or whether he would get angry. I think he thinks that i should enjoy it and that i should not even be thinking of feeling like that. he would let me go on top eg for while but would then want to swop to missionary. i want to start having sex again but am worried about feeling uncomfortable in this position. i can imagine him agreeing to not do it in that position again. i am fine in any other position, just that one i feel a bit claustrophobic. thank you

OP posts:

warthog · 25/06/2007 13:16

you have to feel comfortable during sex, and it's in his interests that you do too. tell him that it's really worrying you.

AbRoller · 25/06/2007 13:18

Why would he get angry if you felt uncomfortable?

Lizzzombie · 25/06/2007 13:25

Foxy, am in same situation as you (5 month old & still not done the deed...hmm, for about a year now.) So, have booked into beauty salon and am spending this weeks child allowence on a full body wax & pedicure. Then I will open a bottle of wine and drink about half of it before he comes home. I am hoping this will work. Otherwise I think I am in danger of hyping it up in my head so much that we havent done it, and that I dont feel like it, (cant be bothered, would rather sleep, have a cuppa etc). So, I am taking the bull by the horns, and controlling the situation. Could you try that? If you take the lead, then he has to follow. Why dont you try sitting on top of him. That way you remain in control, and will have plenty of space around you and also you can work those thigh muscle! Good luck x

Rhubarb · 25/06/2007 13:26

Original poster

foxy1 · 25/06/2007 13:34

going on holiday for week at weekend so think will try something then. i can't imagine my husband ever agreeing not to ever have sex in missionary position again. think it would be fine for while but eventually would want to do it that way as he likes it that way and find it easy for him. i am worried about offending/upsetting him, don't want to make him distant. but talking about it i suppose it faces the problem, but flls me with dread.

OP posts:

Lizzzombie · 25/06/2007 13:37

I am sure he wont be offended or upset, just pleased that you fancy having sex again should make him really happy, no?

Original poster

foxy1 · 25/06/2007 13:51

yes he will be pleased but he is very sensitive and takes things personally. good luck by the way!!!

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 25/06/2007 13:53

There are more than two positions! Could you try sitting down, or on all fours, or spoons? I'm sure that he wouldn't get angry for you to request a change from the missionary position, he certainly shouldn't. I find that thinking about sex and DH when we're apart helps. There's no pressure if I don't get in the mood, and if I do I can pounce on him when he comes home. I'm having physical trouble when it gets to that stage, but that's another story....

obimomkanobi · 25/06/2007 15:13

How is your libido in general? Do you ahem indulge in solo fun?!

(sorry to be blunt but it's an important question!)

I think you need to have a little play around, get yourself in the mood and then pounce on your husband.

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable honest!!

MaeBee · 26/06/2007 09:20

hi,
my lo is 9 months and we still havent managed penetrative sex! its turned into a massive deal for me, but my dp is dead good about it, which makes it much easier. we used to have an amazing sex life, but i now have no drive at all, am totally uniinterested. im still breastfeeding and no period, so am hoping when that comes back i will be up for it.

something i recommend: we do "something" sexual, make sexual time for ourselves, at least once a week. that sounds stupidly planned, but i really believe we have to keep it on the agenda. we mostly do mutual masturbation, either ourselves or each other. and i can't usually orgasm due to my lack of interest but we try not to make a big deal about it!

5 months isn't long, and i think lots of women find the missionary position claustraphobic. when you have a baby demanding your time and your body 24/7 it feels very intrusive to have a fullgrown man wanting you as well!

Original poster

foxy1 · 26/06/2007 09:41

hello - i am glad i am not the only one in this situation.

At the moment we have our 5 month old downstairs in the evening in a bouncer chair as he seems to come alive in the evenings and does not want to sleep so i don't want him to wake my 2 year old (light sleeper) so i keep him down stairs. i need to sort this out and get him sleeping upstairs in the evening, then we will have more spare time together.

I am worried about what to say about sex/ positions, what would you say? i wonder how men see this? thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

foxy1 · 26/06/2007 11:19

anyone?

OP posts:

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